You Are My Sunshine
by SummoningSpazzy
Summary: yOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, mY ONLY SUNSHINE, yOU MAKE ME HAPPY, wHEN SKIES ARE GREY, yOULL NEVER KNOW DEAR, hOW MUCH i LOVE YOU, pLEASE DONT TAKE, mY SUNSHINE AWAY. gamzee/tavros
1. What Happened?

Rain pattered down onto the dark grey concrete, quickly washing away the tears of a small teen who lay bleeding and broken in the streets. There was no pain. He felt nothing. Everything was numb.

His breath was quick and the water around his mouth fluttered in and out against his red stained lips. What happened? It all seemed to go by so fast. He couldn't seem to place himself. Where was he? What happened? He slowly shut his eyes, blinking away the blood, tears and rain water that blurred his vision. His thoughts swirled like the blood and water that formed around his body. He heard the muffled sound of sirens and a dull screaming. Who was yelling?

Oh. It was his friend Gamzee. Why was he here? The teen blinked again and looked up at the lanky adolescent who fell to his knees beside him. Heavy sobs racking his gangly body. He watched as Gamzee threw his hands into his messy, curly locks and cried out at the sky, then knelt over him, his tears dropping onto his face like the rain.

The teen on the concrete blinked a little as the tears skittered down onto his face like the rain, why was he crying? The sirens got louder and finally stopped as people rushed around the two boys. The men in white coats scooped the downed boy onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. Gamzee was running now and the doctors were yelling after him. What happened? The boy on the stretcher racked his brain, when a pain shot through his body as one of the doctors moved his legs, and everything flooded back to him. From the first time they spoke, to the last second he saw him before everything went dark.


	2. Almost Snow Day

It was a cold winter's day the first time they had really had a conversation. Snow flurried around the school yard and basketball courts. It was too cold to play in or to be out for that matter. Though the cold was bitter to most, one figure sat upon the bleachers facing the courts. He shuddered against the cold but sat strong, watching the snow fall onto the concrete. This would have been a snow day if they snow had started earlier, but even so the school board was discussing sending everyone home early.

The boy on the bleachers hoped so, he'd rather sit in his small apartment or go to work, rather than sit alone at school. He had no friends so he'd rather be alone elsewhere. He shuddered once more and sunk down into his scarf. He really needed to invest in a winter coat, or any coat for that matter. A t-shirt and some jeans are not warm at all.

The small adolescent wrapped his arms around himself and looked around the lightly snow covered courts. His eyes fell on a tall, messy haired boy that was walking across the concrete to him. He knew who he was. That was Gamzee, the local druggy. None of the kids in school hung out with him because he was a part of some gang and did some sort of brain numbing drug any chance he got. He was nice though. No matter what he pumped his system full of or no matter if he came to school with a gun hidden in his trousers, he was nice, especially to the bench boy.

"Yo Tavros!" Gamzee called out as he walked over. Said Tavros jumped a little at his name being called and he sunk lower into his scarf. Gamzee may have been nice, but it still didn't erase the fact that he was a part of a gang and had a mussed up brain due to the drugs he pumped into his system. The small boy tried not to speak to him as much as possible.

The lanky teen climbed the bleachers and plopped next to Tavros, a goofy smile on his paint smeared face. He always seemed to wear some form of half assed clown make up or something. He said it was something about mirthful massiahs. Tavros never really got the concept of it so he just ignored it.

"So my little motherfuckin bro, I up and got you somthin for an early Chrismahannaquansika present." Gamzee said as Tavros opened his mouth to protest, but shut it as Gamzee took off his very large purple jacket and slung it over the boy's shoulders. It smelled like marijuana, popcorn and hot wings. To anyone else this would smell rancid and unattractive, but Tavros couldn't help but blush as he smelt the way to familiar scent of the larger male.

"Y, your, um, coat…uh I can't take your coat Gamzee…." Tavros said in protest, even though he automatically wrapped himself up in the warm, smelly, purple thing.

"Yeah you can man. I know you don't have yourself a motherfuckin warm coat for the season of freezen so you can up and have mine. Cuz you're my best bro remember? I can get myself another warm as fuck coat, but you up and can't cuz you're up and on a budget. So you get mine. Sorry it's a lil big on your motherfuckin small ass but you look motherfuckin cute in it at least." Gamzee praddled on, the dumb smile he held never once faltering or leaving his long, gaunt face.

Tavros listened to him, not really hearing all of the slurred words that left his thin lips. The drawled words seemed to fly in through one ear, bounce around a little and fly out the other, leaving Tavros with a soft blank expression. He loved listening to him talk. He knew he shouldn't like him as much as he did. Gamzee was "dangerous" and Tavros knew that, and that fact had stopped the two from hanging out on a multitude of occasions.

Gamzee had stopped talking a few minutes ago and looked over Tavros with a quizzical look," you up and ok motherfucker?" Gamzee asked in a kind voice. He had reached his hand out and rested it on Tavros' shoulder during the lull.

Tavros looked at the hand then looked into Gamzee's blood shot eyes. He blinked at him and began to worry his lip ring between his teeth. As he chewed on the metal, a grin spread back across Gamzee's face and he took his hand off of Tavros' shoulder and stood, shaking some snow off of his shoulders," you don't have to tell me nothin. Keep the jacket. Be warm lil bro. You sure as hell deserve it." He hopped down the bleachers and pulled a cigarette from his unruly hair, followed by a lighter from his pocket. He lit the fag as he walked and stuffed the lighter away back in his trousers.

Quickly Tavros stood, he watched Gamzee walk his uneven gate, the small teen hopped one benched lower and called out to him," Gamzee!"

The lanky boy turned and blew a cloud of smoke out of his nose. It mixed with his breath as he replied," yeah bro?"

"Thanks…." Tavros whispered out, unable to call out to the tall boy.

Gamzee smirked, knowing exactly what the little mohawked boy had said to him. He waved a little at him and brought the cigarette back to his lips, puffing out another cloud as he turned and continued out of the courts. The snow blowing around his gangly body, making him look almost surreal as he disappeared into the soon to be blizzard.


	3. A Chance Meeting

It was always strange receiving a present from someone you didn't even know. In fact, most of the time it made you wonder what that person wanted in return, or how they really felt about you. The feelings you didn't and wouldn't return would haunt you.

That's how Tavros felt as he went the rest of the winter with Gamzee's purple coat. He watched the students stare at him even more than they normally did. They wondered why Tavros, the silent misfit, was wearing Gamzee, the problem child's, jacket.

Though Tavros was stared at and judged, he didn't care for once, because he was warm. He was also to busy wondering what to get Gamzee in return. May be he could make him something in art class? No that's stupid, what would he do with whatever Tavros made him? Tavros let out a long sigh as he walked down the long winding street that led to his apartment.

The teen was thinking so hard about what to get his not friend in return, he didn't notice the small group of adolescents following him. Tavros stopped for a second as his mind snapped back to reality. He heard the snow behind him crunching and he turned, facing the group of three.

The three stopped and stared at Tavros with a dark, dangerous look. Tavros didn't notice their faces though. The only thing he realized was:

THEY ALL WORE PURPLE JACKETS.

Of course Gamzee wasn't thinking when he gave Tavros the jacket that marked him apart of the gang he was in. What Gamzee did wasn't a malicious gesture at all; it was simply a gesture that said he didn't want Tavros to be cold.

Well Tavros was cold. Fear ran through his veins like ice and the scene played out almost in slow motion. Tavros turned to run, but they were already on him, dragging him into the closest ally. The men bound and gagged Tavros. They yelled insults and curses at him as they emptied his rucksack onto the snowy cement.

"Hey the bitch doesn't have fuckin nothing!"

"What the fuck man? You just got books! You aint even got an ipod or a phone!"

"What if it's on him man!"

At that the three advanced on Tavros. The smallest of the three grabbed Tavros by his hair, the middle one searched him," nothin man."

The largest looked down his long nose at Tavros, he spoke in a tone that just spoke death to Tavros," well he aint got no objects to give. We can still make the little poser pay for wearin our jacket."

Tavros' eyes widened as the largest slammed his boot clad foot into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. The others soon joined in as well, slamming there boots down onto any part of Tavros they could reach.

"Why you all pierced up bitch? You a punk? You wanna say somthin?"

"Stupid bitch is softer than any nerd, what a fuckin poser!"

The insults carried on until a gunshot was fired and the three flinched and turned to look at the mouth of the alleyway. The silhouette of a tall, messy haired male stood in a relaxed stance, his arm in the air, holding the smoking gun. He dropped his arm to eye level and pointed it at the three," you can fuckin step off motherfuckers." Gamzee said as he walked out of the white light of the snow, letting the three see who it was.

"Oh hey man! Just showin this lil posin bitch who wears our coats and who doesn't." The largest said as he approached Gamzee.

Almost the second the large male started to advance towards Gamzee, the teen fired the gun in front of him, making him stumble back and cuss as he tripped over Tavros' downed body.

Tavros winced and Gamzee began to speak again, his tone low and laced with hate," all you motherfuckers leave this kid alone. He don't mean shit to the gang. Look at him. He's pathetic. What fuckin threat is that to you motherfuckers?" Gamzee asked, following the largest with the gun as he got up.

"What the fuck? Man what does this piece of shit even mean to you?"

"Hes my motherfuckin school bro. Step off." Gamzee said as he fired the gun at their feet again. His eyes were cold. He hardly blinked as he fired his gun at the three. He wasn't afraid to kill them.

The three raised their hands up and booked it away from the two. Tavros looked up at Gamzee, terror apparent in his teary blue eyes. Gamzee knelt down and ungagged him and untied him, the gun deposited back in the back of his pants," you ok lil bro?"

Tavros couldn't make even the smallest of noises; he shook, big tears rolling down his cheeks.

Gamzee sighed and looked over the bloody and beaten boy before him. He carefully pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his bruised back," I'm sorry about them bro. It won't happen again. Seriously. I didn't mean for the coat to bring you trouble."

All Tavros could do was shake and cling to the skinny male and sob into his shoulder. Why was he clinging to this stranger? He knew Gamzee's name. He knew he was a part of a gang. He knew he was a drug addict. He also knew that Gamzee was the only person who was consistently nice to him.

Gamzee stood, taking Tavros with him," cmon bro, lemmy get you home ok?" He set the shaky teen on his feet.

Tavros stared at him with blank, scared eyes and was on the ground again.

"Shit man!" Gamzee knelt down and scooped him up once more, putting one of Tavros' arms around his neck, he propped the smaller male up and looked down at him," where am I taken ya?" He asked in a kind voice.

Tavros mumbled out his address and clung to the curly haired boy. He titled his head back to look up at Gamzee. One second he was pointing a gun at his fellow gang members, the next he was helping Tavros stand. What was with this guy? Why did he want to hang out with him so much? Tavros was jolted back to reality when Gamzee started walking him to his apartment.

A few blocks down the two finally came to a tall blue and grey apartment complex; a clock tower adorned the tallest part of the complex. Gamzee looked over it and smiled," heh the clock tower apartments? Cool man." He looked down at Tavros then scooped him into his arms bridal style," You said your place is on the top floor yeah? I aint draggin you up those motherfuckin stairs ok?" He said as he began carrying the smaller male to the top floor.

Tavros let out a squeak as he was picked up and let himself be led to his room. He was set down in front of the door and he patted himself down," my key is in the alley way….um….with my books….and school work…um and my bag…." Tavros said slumping against the wall next to his door.

Gamzee blinked and slapped his forehead," shit man! I'm fuckin sorry! I'll be right back lil bro!" He said as he began to run, and basically tumble down the stairs.

Tavros let out a long sigh and let himself slump down to the wooden deck. He fluttered in and out of consciousness until finally he was asleep.

Tavros woke a few minutes later to Gamzee shaking him, saying his name in a soft voice. The brown haired boy fluttered his eyes open and looked up at Gamzee, a small smile appearing on his beaten face," hi Gamzee…."

"Hey lil motherfucker." Gamzee said scooping Tavros up into his arms. He pressed the key into the lock and pushed the door open. He carried Tavros inside, swinging the bag onto a chair. His droopy eyes scanned the living space, it was a studio apartment and very very small. A twin bed was shoved up against the far wall, a large window above it, looking out onto a small stretch of trees.

A blue loveseat sat in front of a boxy TV that sat on two cinder blocks. A small coffee table separated the two pieces of makeshift furniture. It sat, covered in trading cards and soda cans and a magazine about kittens, but even the coffee table itself was stained and one corner was propped up with a cinder block. Under the cinder blocks and coffee table was a blue, flowery rug.

Behind the couch and shoved against the wall and next to the bed, was a stout, dark wood dresser. Little key chains hung from the nobs and on top of it, sat action figures and little plastic dinosaurs along with a lamp that reflected pictures of fairies and mermaids on the walls.

Gamzee smiled as finally he looked over the pasty white walls that had posters of fairies, dragons, unicorns and mythical things all over them. A poster of Peter Pan was stuck to the ceiling over his bed. His apartment looked like a small child's wonderland.

After taking in the site he carried the smaller male to his bed and carefully lay him down on his butterfly print sheets. He then shuffled across the hardwood floor, picking up socks, pants and under ware from the floor. He tossed them into the hamper that sat next to the dresser and continued on to the small black and white tiled kitchen. He grabbed a paper towel from the roll next to the sink and wet it with warm water. The lanky boy then turned and hurried back to Tavros, who was now mumbling about roses in the window box. Sure enough, as Gamzee approached Tavros again, he saw little spikey stocks sticking out of the window box outside of the large window by Tavros' bed. Gamzee smiled softly, thinking how beautiful they'd look in the spring and summer when they bloomed.

After admiring the thorny stalks, Gamzee knelt down and gently tugged Tavros' Jacket and shirt off, examining the bruises his gang members had given him. He let out a long sigh as he looked them ov—hello….

Gamzee raised an eyebrow when his eyes fell on Tavros' collar bone, four little silver balls adorned each end of his collar bone, one little sphere right above the other. He chuckled and examined the rest of Tavros' piercings as he gently started to clean the blood from his pierced nose and lip. He had a small silver bull ring piercing through his nose and one ring on his left nostril. On his lip he had a ring on the left side to match his nose.

The curly haired teen finished wiping his nose and lip, and began to wipe the blood from his forehead, his eyes looking over the two little rings on his left eyebrow and the one on his right. Gamzee smiled and finished cleaning the cut of the little pin cushion bellow him.

Tavros mumbled something else out about a teddy bear and Gamzee let out a chuckle as he picked up a stuffed crocodile from the floor, figuring that this was the "teddy bear" he was talking about. He tucked the crocodile into Tavros arms and undid the smaller teen's pants; he paused and looked at his shoes. He grinned, socks and sandals, really? Gamzee couldn't stop smiling as he undid the Velcro and pulled the sandals off. He went back up to his pants and tugged them down and off, biting his lip so he wouldn't laugh as he looked over Tavros' dinosaur boxers. He let a small snrk, out as he pulled the covers back then over Tavros' small form, tucking him into his bed.

Tavros fluttered his eyes and looked at Gamzee for a split second then shut them and was sound asleep.

Gamzee watched this with a soft look on his face, he was so adorable. May be now, he'd give him a chance. Gamzee's smile faltered as he thought about his first conversation with the little mohawked boy:

"Hey motherfucker can I borrow a pencil?"

"Um….mother…uh…fucker?"

"Yeah! Cuz you're ma mothafuckin bro! Gimme a pencil!"

"Uh….um…o…ok…."

Tavros had succeeded in fumbling with the pencil so bad, he somehow flipped it across the room as he tried to hand it over to Gamzee, and it had hit the teacher in the back of the head. Tavros had then been sentenced to a good week of detention on Gamzee's behalf.

Gamzee let out a sigh as he ran his fingers through his curls, what was he kidding. He didn't deserve someone like Tavros. As a friend or as anything else…he knew he was nothing but trouble for the little pin cushion. Why was he even trying? Gamzee shrugged his shoulders and continued to muss with his hair, he'd keep trying regardless and he knew that. Gamzee wanted, no, he needed to know Tavros better. He did. He didn't quite understand why, but the second the boy had mumbled out his "ums" and "uhs" out to him, he needed to know him.

Gamzee removed his hand from his hair and shot one more look at Tavros before he left the apartment, locking the door behind him.


	4. Going to Work

Waking up in your bed and not remembering how you got there or who put you there is at the least, troubling. You're not sure whether you should be worried or grateful. Grateful you didn't wake up somewhere strange, or in the hospital, or tied to something. All of these things had happened to Tavros, so to wake up in his bed for a change was comforting.

The teen rubbed his foggy eyes and stared at the Peter Pan poster above his head. A soft smile appearing on his face as he looked at the youth in green spandex smiling down at him, oh how he wished he could be him, fly with him, or just go on an adventure like he did. Tavros rolled over and let out a long groan. He hurt. He hurt a lot.

Oh yeah….the alley…Gamzee!

Tavros sat up quickly and looked around his small apartment. The lanky teen was nowhere to be found. It was him that must have assured Tavros' safe return to his living space. The mohawked boy carefully swung his legs out of bed, wincing again as he did so, jeez it felt like he was _hit by a truck. _Oh well. At least he was in one piece.

Tavros looked at the clock on the kitchen microwave, 9:30am. Thank goodness it was Saturday. Otherwise he'd be late for school and thank goodness he didn't work last night, the last thing he wanted to do was to make his boss cross with him. It was pretty hard to do, but he still didn't want to do it.

Tavros yawned and limped into his small square bathroom, his eyes fell on a small framed picture of a kitten hanging onto a branch. A wide grin spread across his face, that picture was one of his favorites. He put it in the bathroom because he would shower when he was stressed. He loved sitting at the bottom of the shower, letting the hot water fall down onto him, and looking at the poster from bellow. He'd tell the little kitten to hang in there, and that he could do it.

Tavros dropped his dinosaur boxers to the tiled floor and stepped into the shower. He turned the spray on and shivered as the icy spray hit him in the face and chest. He sputtered and quickly turned it too hot. He let out a sigh as the water finally heated up. He turned it down a little and commenced washing himself.

Once he was finished with the shower he dried himself off and scooped up his boxers. Upon exiting the bathroom he deposited them into the hamper and headed to his set of drawers. He fussed with the key chains, once he was able to open the drawers; he pulled out a clean pair of Spiderman boxers. He tugged them on, looking down at himself with a grin. He loved Spiderman. The now boxer clad teen looked up and pulled a pair of black jeans from another drawer, tugging them on over said boxers. Tavros shut the container and opened another one, pulling out a black t-shirt with grey stripes across it. He tugged the shirt over his head and shut the drawer.

He shuffled back into the bathroom and quickly fixed his hair in the mirror. He exited the bathroom for good this time and went back to the drawers, wondering why he'd forgotten to get a clean pair of socks. He swore to himself that if his head wasn't attached as good as it was he'd leave it places. Tavros chuckled to himself at the thought, thinking it would be pretty funny if he left his head somewhere. He finished putting on his socks and he looked around for his sandals. Where did Gamzee put them?

He looked over the room and finally spotted them. His sandals sat on the floor at the foot of his bed. The teen wandered over to them and strapped them on over his socks. Once he was fully dressed he left his apartment, locking the door tight as he left. He shuddered at the cold, but he didn't want an incident like yesterday with the purple jacket. He'd rather be cold than beaten to a pulp…or beaten further into some unidentifiable mess, because at this point, he felt like pulp.

Tavros limped down the stairs and along the familiar street. He was heading to work, and he crossed his fingers that no one gave him trouble on the wa….never mind….

Tavros let out a long sigh as he saw Gamzee standing on the corner of the street across from him. Gamzee waved almost spastically at Tavros and ran across the street, paying no mind to the cars that honked and skidded out of the way, trying not to hit the irresponsible boy.

Gamzee slowed and walked next to Tavros," hey motherfucker! You're not wearin the coat!"

"Yeah because, um, I don't want to be, uh, beaten up again." Tavros said in an almost bitter tone as he trudged down the street, trying to limp a little faster. He wanted to get to work; he needed to get to work. Hanging out with Gamzee, or anything including the gangly boy, seemed to bring him trouble, so he'd rather their meeting be as short as possible.

"Oh its cool man, I sorted that shit out. You're safe lil bro. I made sure of it." Gamzee said smiling at him.

Tavros sighed and nodded," ok…thanks…I guess….um….and thanks for bringing me home…and um…..cleaning my face….I need to clean the blood and dirt, um, off the jacket…." Tavros said, trying to make a better excuse to why he's not wearing the gift of the other.

Gamzee nodded and patted his back," its cool bro! I feel ya." Gamzee said as he walked next to him," sooooo where you goin?"

"Work." Tavros said trying to sound as nice as he could. He was grateful to the other male, but he was still frustrated that his coat had gotten him beaten up. Now he had to explain to his boss what happened. That was never fun.

The two walked in silence for a long time until they came in front of a narrow, but tall book store, it looked as if it was being crushed between the buildings on either side of it," well this is where I go to work. Um…you should leave….thanks again…" Tavros mumbled as he turned his back to the building to face Gamzee.

He slowly raised his eyes from the ground to look over Gamzee. The gaunt boy wore dirty purple converse and baggy black pants. Patches were sewn into the knees and a few littered the rest of his pants, giving them an almost comical, clown like look.

His shirt was adorned with a rather scary looking clown face that made Tavros feel like he had indigestion. Over the shirt he wore, a new, but also newly blood stained, purple jacket.

His eyes traced up to finally look at Gamzee's face. A stupid smile was spread across Gamzee's face like someone had personally cut it into his pale skin. Thus it sat at a crooked angle.

Tavros avoided the gangster's eyes and went straight to his filthy blonde curls. Tavros wondered how Gamzee could stand to have his hair so dirty, so often. He fidgeted a little as he stared at a matted part on the side of Gamzee's head. It looked like the male had had a rough night and that he probably fell asleep somewhere less than savory.

Finally his eyes lowered to look into the other boy's eyes. Sapphire met Sky blue and the two stared at each other for a long while, as if the two were trying to read each other's minds.

Gamzee was the first to blink his light blue eyes and press a hand to Tavros' shoulder," ok lil bro. I'll up and leave." He smiled wider and turned, beginning to walk away. He quickly stopped and turned.

Tavros had turned too and had his hand on the doorknob of the shop he worked in, when Gamzee spoke again," yo lil motherfucker. I'm gonna up and meet you after work you dig? And walk you home man. So you don't up and get into some motherfuckin trouble like you did the other day. That cool? When you get off?"

Tavros blinked and with his hand still on the knob, he looked over his shoulder and bit his lip," um…uh…I…uh…get off…at…..8:00pm…." He quickly turned away and hurried into the building, shutting the door quickly behind him, not waiting for a response.

Gamzee smirked and watched him hurry away, responding after Tavros shut the door," alright my lil bro. I'll see you then." At that, Gamzee turned and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. He pulled one from the pack and pressed it between his lips, depositing the pack back into his pocket. Once the pack was put away he pulled a lighter out of another pocket and quickly lit the cig, pocketing the lighter. He took one last look at the book store and puffed out a cloud of smoke, before he turned again and leaving Tavros to work.


	5. The Book Store

Tavros was greeted by the familiar musty smell of the bookstore. He let out a long sigh and felt like sinking to the floor and just looking around the familiar shop. He didn't though, he came here to work. Not to slump around.

He straightened up and limped to the old computer that sat on the checkout counter. He pressed a random key on the keyboard bellow it, waking the computer up from hibernation. He clocked in and turned the monitor off like he always did. Tavros turned away from the computer and smiled, looking up at the tall, calm looking woman. Her short black hair was neatly combed and her kind green eyes stared down at Tavros," you're a little late today Tavros."

"Um…sorry Rosa…I had a rough night…" Tavros said as he quickly slid past her and to a cart of books," um want me to organize and re-shelve these?" He asked, trying to change the subject at all costs.

"That would be nice sweetie. Though do it after you tell me why you're all messed up today. You're hardly ever late." She said as she traveled to behind the counter. She kept her smile and soft gaze on him as she organized behind the counter. The book store always seemed to be a mess. Rosa was a very neat woman too, she was always clean and she always seemed to be cleaning the book store, to no avail.

Tavros let out a long sigh and started organizing the books regardless," um….just got….into a fight…I'm ok…" He mumbled as he picked up a very old book," Rosa why is one of our illuminated manuscripts out here with the normal books?"

Rosa stood and hurried over, taking the book from Tavros, she flipped it open and looked over the reds, golds and greens that sparkled up at her from the pages," ah I was re-reading this one last night and I forgot to put it back. You know how caught up I get in re-reading." She smiled fondly at the book and shut it, taking it back behind the counter.

Tavros smiled, he couldn't think of any book Rosa hadn't read, in fact, she lived above the book store, so most of her spare time was reading her vast library. Whenever she sold a book she would always tell the buyer how special it was to buy a book. She looked at it as if you were adopting a child. The book held so many hidden secrets, and you have to read it to the end, and may be twice over to know everything about it, and it would still surprise you.

The kind woman thought the same about children too; because of the accident she had years ago she was unable to bear one of her own. This had made her shun most everyone from her life, except for a select few.

Tavros remembered when it happened. In fact he had to run the book store for a week and a half while she had her surgery, and he still had to mostly take care of things for another month while she recovered mentally. The only reason she didn't shun Tavros, was because she basically thought of Tavros as her own. She would have adopted him if she didn't know how much he enjoyed living alone.

She even had brought the subject up a few times with Tavros over the years, but every time she did, Tavros simply smiled at her and said he'd rather just partially live in the book store. They would share a laugh and the subject would quickly get dropped.

Though on lonely, quiet nights, Tavros really thought about having parents again. The warmth, the happiness…hmm….his thought process was brought back again to reality when he hear Rosa let out a long sigh," Tavros are you ignoring me again? Or did you just space out as you usually do?"

Tavros chuckled and brought a stack of books over to her that didn't have price tags," sorry Rosa…I was…um just thinking."

"You have such a wonderful mind. I wouldn't want to halt that thought process but I really would like you to answer my question. What happened?" Rose asked, taking the books from the small teen.

Tavros looked down and shuffled his feet," um…you remember…uh…Gamzee?" He asked, he winced a little when he heard Rosa let out an exasperated sigh.

"That horrible little boy that bothers you about nothing perpetually? You know how I feel about him Tavros; I just want you to be safe." She said as she put the books, one by one, back onto the counter for Tavros to put away," if he had anything to do with this…." She trailed off and sighed," what happened?" She repeated again after a short moment of silence.

"Uh well….he was trying to be nice so…uh…he gave me his jacket….I don't know why….he just did…..and um…well….his jackets kinda the symbol for his gang….and uh…..some of the members beat me up because of it….but…um…he rescued me….he made them stop….so I guess…yeah…" Tavros mumbled the last bit, not making eye contact with Rosa as he pulled the books from the counter into his arms as she set them on the counter.

Rosa stopped pressing tags to the books and reached her long slender arm and hand out to rest on Tavros' shoulder," well that was very nice of him. Something tells me he doesn't really understand what he did. You should give him the coat back and tell him to leave you alone. If you needed a coat you know you could've asked me for one. I'd help you in a second."

Tavros nodded and looked up at her," I know…I just…I want to take care of myself…I can do it…I don't want to bother anyone…" He practically whispered.

"Speak up honey. I can hardly hear you." Rosa said, pulling her hand from his shoulder and went back to labeling the books," do you not want to tell him to go away?"

"I do…..but I don't….its…complicated…" Tavros said taking the rest of the books from the tall woman once she was done. He went back to the cart and started organizing them.

"Do you need time to think? Do you not want to talk about it anymore?" She asked as she watched him organize the books.

"I kinda don't…I want to see what happens…." He said smiling at Rosa as he picked up a small stack of books and headed to the "A" section.

Rosa nodded and continued to tidy the counter, her head raised after a few minutes to the tinkling of the bell on the door," oh good morning Sollux."

"Hi Rotha. How are you today?" The tall, skinny, blond boy asked as he strode over to the counter. He handed a book to Rosa and smiled at her, adjusting his glasses once the book was out of his hands," that one wath really interethting. Do you have any more on old technology? Cuth that one wath jutht what I wath looking for." He said as his dual colored eyes traveled over the books that lined the walls, as if he was already looking for the book he was interested in.

Rosa smiled at the lisping teen," yes Sollux I picked one out for you when you left last time. I know you read fast so I made sure I got this one ready for you so you wouldn't have to wait like you did last time." She said standing and walking around the counter. She walked over to the cart and picked up an old book," this one here talks about, in depth, the first circuit board, including the formulas behind its creation." She said turning to him.

Tavros walked back from the "A" section and smiled a little at Sollux. The nerdy teen was a regular at the book store. The two had never really spoken, they were both incredibly antisocial and socially awkward, but they knew each other's names at least.

Sollux nodded at Tavros and smiled a little," thup. Anywayth thankth Rotha. I'll return it to you when I'm done." He said flipping through the book," oh man thith lookth great!" He grinned and shut the book. He then turned on his heels, his white and black shoes scuffing on the floor as he walked out, waving a little as he left. Sollux had rented books from the store almost as long as Tavros had been working there, so Rosa just let him take the books, he read them all in a day and brought them back in almost better condition than he took them out, so there was no point in charging him at all. It wasn't like she let everyone borrow books, just Sollux and Tavros.

Tavros watched him leave, his eyes going from the door to Rosa," his lisp is annoying."

"Tavros! Be nice! Jeez you of all people should not be judging him! I'm surprised!" Rosa said turning and wagging her finger at him," it's just because you can't understand him half the time isn't it?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips.

Tavros looked down and nodded," thorry Rotha." He said with a mischievous grin on his face.

Rosa rolled her eyes and walked over to him, smacking his arm lightly," go back to work!" She said, but she couldn't help but grin back at him as she walked back behind the counter.

Tavros giggled and went back to work. He loved working at the book store. He had worked there since the middle of his freshman year. Rosa was kind enough to give him a job after his parents disappeared. He tried to stay in their house as long as possible until the state realized the bills weren't being paid and they repossessed it, the state had tried to get Tavros into foster care, but Tavros swore he could support himself and it took some begging and a trip to court to prove to them that he'd be ok. They gave Tavros three weeks to find a job and a cheap apartment.

After extensive searching and many sleepless nights in a motel, Tavros was swept under the wing of Rosa. She promised him that he could work at the book store and that she would make the down payment on the apartment for him if he promised to run her store on the weekends and to come after school every day until he worked it off. Tavros quickly agreed to it and Rosa didn't even complain when Tavros had shaved his hair into a mohawk and pierced himself up. She thought it was cute. The agreement seemed perfect.

Everything worked out until Rosa had her incident. The second month of Tavros' employment Rosa had gotten diagnosed with an acute form of uterine cancer. She had to be rushed to the hospital and she had to have an immediate hysterectomy. She didn't want the procedure, but unless she wanted to die, she had to have it done.

She begged Tavros that he didn't have to pay her back for the apartment deposit, and instead she begged him to take off time from school to run her store while she was hospitalized. Tavros had agreed and she had written up a big letter to the school explaining the situation. The school understood and each teacher, for as long as Tavros had to miss, wrote up a packet of homework for him every week so he could stay up to date with everything.

In doing so, he was able to pass all his classes, with flying colors, and he didn't have to deal with High school drama while he tried to get over and stop worrying and dwelling over his parents disappearances. Ever since the exchange the two had had, they had been thick as thieves. He watched the store whenever she needed, on leave from the school by a note from Rosa, saying she was having a minor mental breakdown and she needed the boy to work for her.

In exchange of running the store whenever she needed him to, Tavros, whenever he was having an especially rough patch with the kids in school, he would ask Rosa to write him up a leave of absence and he was able to skip and just do all his studies in the book store. He'd much rather work than deal with every ones spying and judging eyes.

Tavros finished organizing the books, the rest of the day; he tidied the store, helped people find books and helped them check out once they had found what they were looking for. Rosa loved having him in the store, she was able to concentrate on her passion, which was re-illuminating and refurbishing ancient manuscripts. She could read Latin, French, German, Italian, Gaelic, and Old English fluently, so she was usually found in the back of the store in the old illuminated text sections, a pen in her hand, fixing up the ancient books from all over the world.

The work day gathered to a close and Tavros helped Rosa close shop, putting the last few books away, he finally gave her a hug and went to the computer, clocking out. He gave her one last smile then turned, she put her hand on his shoulder and handed him one of her coats. It was old, smelled like ink and was obviously made for a girl, but as Tavros put it on, a smile broke out on his face, it was really, really warm," thank you Rosa." He said as he turned and headed out into the cold to wait for Gamzee to walk him home.


	6. The Spiders Man!

Hi everyone! Well this is my first little blurb at the top of my story. I just wanted to thank you for liking this story and giving me all the wonderful reviews! I will try to update more often, I just need to tell myself to stop sewing scalemates and write my fricken story. Soooooo I wrote my fricken story! Hope you like it! There will be more!

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><p>Tavros waited in the cold for about thirty minutes. Finally at 8:45pm Gamzee arrived, running to the smaller teen. Tavros opened his mouth to say something about him being late, but was cut off when Gamzee threw his arms around Tavros and held him tightly, he was sobbing.<p>

Tavros blinked with surprised and wrapped his arms around him in return and rubbed his back," um…Gamzee? Are you ok?" Tavros asked patting his back.

Gamzee pulled away, he fidgeted and tweaked as he looked at Tavros," I lost em, I fuckin lost those motherfuckers. They were gonna kill me man. They were motherfuckin gonna kill me!" Gamzee practically screamed at Tavros.

Tavros looked at him with a terrified look as he noticed what was wrong with him. Gamzee's pupils filled his light blue eyes like to much oil in to little water. The lanky boy was high off his ass, on probably something Tavros had never even heard of.

The taller teen stopped sobbing and began laughing, he then began to speak, the tone of his voice bouncing from octave to octave," so motherfucker you ready to go home?" He asked as he laughed.

Tavros looked down," Gamzee go home….you're not fit to walk me home….you don't look too good…." He said as he played with the edge of Rosa's coat.

"Na man I'm fuckin peachy keen!" He said laughing again. Gamzee reached down and grabbed Tavros' hand, squeezing it gently, he brought it up to his face, he lightly kissed the pale flesh," I'm your mother fuckin escort tonight."

Even though Gamzee was obviously tripping out of his mind, Tavros couldn't help but blush," um….uh….oh….uh….o…ok…..you….um….can walk me home…." He said as he stumbled over his words.

Gamzee smiled and, without letting go of Tavros' hand, started to walk to Tavros' apartment," sorry bout my state bro, I had a rough day ya know?" He said grinning down at Tavros.

Tavros nodded and clutched Gamzee's hand tightly, what was this feeling? It stirred deep in his belly and started when Gamzee had kissed his hand, and it wouldn't go away! His head felt light and his chest felt tight. He couldn't see straight and his whole body seemed to quake. Tavros paused in the middle of his train of thought, that'd make a good rap.

Gamzee ended his thoughts when he grabbed Tavros and pulled him quickly into and alleyway, pressing him to a brick wall.

Tavros blushed and stared up at him as Gamzee pressed himself to Tavros, his blue dilated eyes locked on the opening of the alley. Tavros felt his heart race and his mind swirl, what was going on?

"Ok…they're gone bro…." Gamzee said as he pulled away from Tavros, still holding his hand.

"um…who? I didn't see anyone…" Tavros said, shaking a little.

"The giant spiders man! They're fuckin creepy and they were comin down the street for us!" Gamzee said shaking a little," so let's get to your house real quick like." He said as he pulled Tavros out of the alley and back onto the street.

Tavros let out and long sigh, of course it was something imaginary…but he let Gamzee take him home anyways.

Finally at Tavros' apartment, Gamzee turned to leave when Tavros opened his door, but Tavros reached out and grabbed the lanky teens hand, Tavros looked down then looked back up," stay?...please?" He asked as he stared at Gamzee with big blue eyes.

Gamzee looked him over and slowly nodded, his eyes looking almost normal," ok bro. I'll stay for a little while."

The small adolescent smiled and dragged him into his apartment," so uh, I know I was…um…out cold the last time you were here so, uh, lemmy show you around." Tavros said as he shut his front door and locked it. He smiled and practically pranced over to his couch," this is the living room, um don't kick the cinder blocks because it hurts…a lot…." Tavros giggled and hurried over to the kitchen," this is the kitchen, but um…I'm a really bad cook so I don't cook a lot…I eat a lot of frozen pizza, that's easy to cook." Tavros explained, grinning a little.

Gamzee grinned with him and watched him go to the bathroom and push the door open," this is the bathroom, it's really small but that's ok." Tavros then hurried over to his bed and sat on it," and this is where I sleep. Do you like my posters? The Peter Pan ones my favorite. I love Peter Pan. It's my favorite story." Tavros said looking up at the poster.

Gamzee smiled, he'd never seen Tavros talk this much, even in class. He liked his talkative side.

"Um…Gamzee why are you staring at me?" Tavros asked tilting his head to the side.

The gangster was snapped back to reality and he blinked at Tavros," um…no reason bro. Hey I like it when you talk man." Gamzee said smiling at him.

Tavros blinked," Gamzee….do you want to take a shower and sober up?" He asked as he pulled his sandals off.

"I think that'd be a bad idea…I'm kinda weird when I'm sober bro." Gamzee said glancing at the floor.

"I bet you're…um…fine." Tavros said smiling at Gamzee.

Gamzee blinked at him and nodded. He turned and walked into Tavros' bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He looked at the little kitty picture and chuckled, Tavros was such a sweet kid. He'd never met anyone more sensitive and sweet. He felt like such a douche for coming into his life and getting him beaten up, and putting him into a state of distress and…and everything…

The blond shook his shaggy head; he couldn't get his thoughts straight. To remedy that he turned the shower on full blast and got in, shuddering at the cold spray as it slowly got hotter. He let out a long sigh and stood under the hot water for a long time, he didn't really wash, and he just stood, letting the water wash away his foggy feelings.

Tavros migrated to the couch and put on Peter Pan, he wasn't obsessed he swore. He just loved this movie, a lot. He almost finished watching the movie when Gamzee finally emerged from the bathroom. The smaller teen heard the door open and he turned around and smiled at Gamzee, but his face flushed bright red when he saw Gamzee in the towel," um…uh…do…uh….you…..need….clothes…I…um…don't know…if they'll….fit….I mean…um…my boxers mite…UH I…..NN….I MEAN…..I…will they…I don't know…" Tavros continued to mumble, sinking lower and lower into the couch as he spoke.

Gamzee smiled and walked over to the couch, he looked down at the pin cushion before him that had practically fused with the couch," its motherfuckin ok bro. It's cool if they're too small. You dig? You want me to just…get them outa your dresser bro? I'll just grab some. You can chill. Love that movie by the way." Gamzee said grinning down at the wide eyed boy.

"Sure…." Tavros said in a barely audible tone. He immediately turned his attention back to the end of the movie. He smiled a little as Peter Pan sailed into the clouds. His attention turned back to Gamzee though when he heard a loud, BANG, FUCK!

Tavros jumped and whirled around to see Gamzee on the floor, trying to tug a pair of boxers on," sorry bro, I slipped. They'll fit just motherfuckin fine. Actually they'll be a little big. My ass is skinny an you have a nicer motherfuckin ass than me." Gamzee said as he finally tugged the boxers over his naked hips.

The brunette just stared, his blue eyes wide and his mouth crooked across his face, his cheeks brighter than they were before. He wasn't breathing, he was just staring and almost as soon as he looked at Gamzee naked on the floor, he was out cold lying over the couch.

Gamzee sat up and looked at the fainted boy," uh…bro? Motherfucker? Tavbro? Tavros. Tavros!" The lanky boy got up and scrambled over to him. He wrapped his long fingers around Tavros' arms and shook him lightly," bro! Wake up! Sorry I fell man! You ok? Fuck what the hells wrong? What did I even do?"

The blond sighed and laid him carefully on the couch; he looked Tavros over and smiled a little," dumbass." He chuckled and went back to the set of drawers. He rifled through it until he finally found some clothes that would fit. Once he was dressed in a very, very large t-shirt and a pair of very, very large pajama pants. He was comfortable. This motherfucker knew how to dress! Gamzee grinned a little and went back to the couch. The gangster picked Tavros up a little and rested the boys head on his lap as he sat down on the couch. Starting Peter Pan over, he loved this stupid movie too and he wasn't able to watch it from the beginning. Actually. He couldn't remember the last time he watched this movie sober.

Gamzee's face fell as he watched the opening. Even as a child…he couldn't remember the last time he had seen this movie sober….

Ever so carefully Gamzee snaked his hand down and held Tavros' hand, his other hand petting his hair, big tears starting to roll down his gaunt cheeks. He slowly leaned over the smaller teen, his tears falling lightly onto his face.

Tavros' eyes fluttered open and he blinked up at Gamzee," Gamzee? Are you ok?" Tavros pulled away and put his hand on Gamzee's back. He watched as the skinny boy leaned over further, sobbing silently. All nervousness left Tavros then, and the brunette scooted closer to the blond and held him as close as he could, rocking him gently," It's ok…whatever it is…it's ok…will you tell me what it is?" Tavros asked softly, drawing little invisible circles on Gamzee's back with his thumb.

Gamzee slowly stopped crying, his still wet hair clinging to his face. He turned his heavy head and pressed it into Tavros' chest. He wrapped his long gangly arms around Tavros' midsection, clinging to him tightly. He just shook his head," nother motherfuckin time. Ok bro?" Gamzee said, wiping his eyes on Tavros' front.

The smaller of the two giggled a little and ran his fingers through Gamzee's hair," you're making my shirt wet! I have a blow dryer you know!"

Gamzee smirked and looked up at Tavros, happy that he had changed the subject," na man, if I use a motherfuckin blow dryer I'm gonna turn into a fuckin cotton ball. My hair man, fluffs up to fro levels." He said laughing a little.

Tavros grinned, trying to picture Gamzee as a cotton ball. He grinned wider and suddenly burst into laughter. He held his stomach as he laughed, doubling over he was giggling so hard.

The lanky boy watched him, a large grin on his face. He actually had known Tavros for a long time. Seen him from afar. He'd never seen him laugh this hard. Hell he hadn't seen him smile like this, ever. Gamzee watched Tavros finally calm down. He felt his head spin when Tavros smiled at him, letting out a sigh after the laughing fit. He heard Tavros say something, but it didn't fully register in his foggy brain. Then almost as if he was on auto-pilot, Gamzee reached a hand out and cupped Tavros' face, pulling him closer.

Tavros just stared at him, his lower lip quivered; he felt that feeling boil back up. Deep in his stomach at first, then went straight to his head, fogging his brain as well as Gamzee closed the gap between them, pressing their lips together in a soft, very nervous kiss.

As the blond kissed the other Tavros reached out, almost desperately, grasping at Gamzee's shirt, trying to pull him closer, whimpering lightly into the kiss.

Almost as quickly as Gamzee pulled the boy in, he pushed him away as if he was a snake about to bite him. The lanky boy stood and strode to the bathroom. He grabbed his coat and threw it on, and without another word, practically ran out of the small apartment, slamming the door behind him.


	7. God Is This All There Is?

Here you go guys! There will be more tonight actually. I made you wait long enough so there will be another chapter after this! Thank you for your patience!

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><p>Time flies when you're having fun. Time also flies when you're in a trance.<p>

Tavros, was in a trance. He didn't know what happened or why it happened, but silence fell over the boy like a curtain, covering his eyes and ears. Making him dumb to the world.

About 2 weeks passed without a word from Gamzee. Tavros hardly left the bookstore. Quietly he restocked, relabeled and rearranged the shelves from top to bottom. Rosa watched him with worried eyes as he worked. She had excused him from school, and tried to talk to him about it, but he just looked at her with blank eyes and turned away, going back to what he was doing.

Rosa would drop it and go back to what she was doing, until finally, on a Wednesday night, Tavros broke. He dropped the stack of books he held and ran to her, wrapping his arms around the skinny woman, burying his face in her chest. There were no tears though. Just Tavros, clinging to her.

The book keeper opened her mouth to asked what was wrong, but Tavros interrupted her," don't ask me…stop asking me. Rosa…I…will you not….shun me…" He asked looking up at her with his sad blue eyes, a desperate look sitting deep in the sapphire irises.

Rosa nodded and kept quiet, waiting for Tavros to continue, and he did. He pulled away from her and gripped the hem of his shirt, staring at the floor," Rosa…I…I think I'm gay. No. I know I'm gay. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to see him. I don't want to get beaten up again. Though…at least I know why they were….beating me up in the first place. Heh…they knew before me…" Tavros said, the lump in his throat sat painfully, his heart pounding against it. Tears sat in his eyes, but never spilt over. He spoke strongly. He had never been sure about anything in his life. He was sure about this though.

Rosa smiled her narrow smile and chuckled," Tavros my dear, I've known that since you first came into my store. Don't worry. I loved you then and I love you now. You're like a son to me. I would never shun you for who you are. How did you realize this?" Rosa asked as she walked over to the punk, pressing her hand to his shoulder comfortingly.

Tavros looked up at her," Gamzee." Was all Tavros said and the tears spilt over, running down his round cheeks, he quickly wiped them away, but as he wiped them away, more came," he…I….walked…me home….we…were watching Peter Pan…and…he…." Tavros whimpered and hugged Rosa again.

She held him tightly," shhh it's ok baby. It's going to be ok. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Rosa whispered as she rubbed Tavros' back comfortingly.

"He kissed me. I kissed him….he…ran away…he left….without a word….nothing…he didn't say anything to me after that…just…slammed the door." Tavros choked out. As he finished, Rosa held him closer.

"He…did that to you." She said in a bitter tone. She let him go and gently sat him down in a chair, letting him cry it out," I see him and I will give him an earful…"

She didn't finish her sentence, for Gamzee walked through the shop door. The jingling of the bell seemed very out of place in the silence that fell over Rosa and Tavros when they both saw Gamzee.

"Uh…hey…can…I talk to my bro?" Gamzee asked Rosa, gesturing at Tavros, not making eye contact with Rosa.

"No. How dare you. You stupid selfish boy." Rosa hissed at Gamzee. Gamzee looked up, his eyes wide, staring back at her, he started to back up to the door, but Rosa grabbed him and dragged him from it and began to yell," How dare you! HOW DARE YOU! This poor boy does not deserve to be treated like some whore you can kiss then throw away! He has been through so much, along with the fact that he is nothing but nice to everyone around him! No matter whom they are! No matter how they treat him! He is kind! Because of that, stupid selfish children like you take advantage of that! You play with his heart, and then leave him! What's wrong with you! Who does that to someone? Who uses someone like that?" Rosa yelled at Gamzee, who just stood there, his dark ringed eyes just stared back at her wide.

He worried his bruised lip between his teeth and clenched and unclenched his fists, when she finished, he hung his shaggy, messy head. He didn't have anything to say. His head was too foggy to string words together. He knew he deserved every mean word the woman yelled at him," m sorry…" Gamzee mumbled, keeping his fists clenched. He didn't have anything else to say but that. There was no excuse that would make it better. No words that could make this woman see more of him. He was done prattling out excuses to adults that would look down their noses at him no matter what he said or did. He was done.

"I'll leave…ok? M sorry…" Gamzee said again, he lifted his head a little, shooting a glance at Tavros, who wasn't looking at him…he…no one…Gamzee's head hurt. He pressed a hand to his head, the world spun around him, he needed a drink. He needed a high. He was sober for too long. He needed…he needed to feel nothing. He tried to walk but he fell fast, holding himself up on the checkout counter, the world spun around him and he looked up at Rosa, then swung his head to Tavros, then back to Rosa and tried to walk again, but fell fully to the floor this time.

Rosa wrinkled her nose and looked down at him," disgusting. Get out! GET OUT OF MY STORE!" Rosa yelled.

Gamzee scrambled against the floor and finally made it to the door. He burst through it and ran down the street and away from the two.

When he was gone Tavros said in a very small voice," god is this all there is?"


	8. Rufio The Fish

I have a red Beta named Vincent.

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><p>Gamzee ran as fast as he could away from the book store, the world kept spinning and he kept running. The words the lady had said to him rang through his head like bells in a church and he was the sinner, driven away by the sound. He didn't mean to hurt Tavros like that, he swore. He didn't mean it…he didn't mean it.<p>

Gamzee finally slowed when he came to a very large and very graffitied abandoned building. The gang met here. Gamzee though, was the only one who actually lived there. Everyone was older and lived with a girl, or younger and still lived with their parents, or a foster parent.

The lanky adolescent wandered into the building, his chest heaving in and out, he didn't realize until now that he had actually run that whole way. May be he was high. No he felt too much to be high. Gamzee shook his swirling head and walked through the messy area. Broken bottles, needle, cigarette butts, the smell of sick, the smell of lost. This was a horrible place. Gamzee knew it. That's why he told no one where he had hidden his space.

He stood in front of an air vent for a long while, staring at it, just looking at the graffiti around it. His eyes traveled around the colors, he didn't really care about what it was, and he just liked the colors. Finally he knelt down and crawled through the air vent.

Gamzee came out on the other side after a while, into a hidden room, more like a closet, but it was home. Little Christmas lights hung from the ceiling and a small mattress was shoved against the wall. A small bowl with a red beta fish sat by his bed, next to it sat a small bottle of fish food and a water purification serum. Gamzee sat on the mattress and stared down at the fish," hi motherfucker. How are you? Good? That's good man…yeah…my day hasn't been the best…I was really stupid ya know? I did something stupider than I normally do…what's that man? Go sober? You know I can't do that man…I'm too dependent on that shit…for him? Na man…he doesn't want to see me again…what? I'm not…what? No! Dammit motherfucker! NO! Shut up!...NO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BITCH!" Gamzee yelled at the tattered red beta in the bowl.

Rage flashed through Gamzee's eyes and he sunk his hand into the bowl and yanked the beta from the water, he held it in his hands. He watched it flop around and gasp for air," you like that motherfucker? You like that?" Gamzee yelled at the poor fish.

His eyes widened when he realized what he was doing. He quickly put the fish back in its bowl. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he watched the fish swim and hide behind the small fake plant in the bowl," I'm sorry bro….I'm sorry fish bro…." Gamzee picked the bowl up and hugged it close," sorry fish bro….so sorry…." That's when a thought hit Gamzee, what he had just done to the fish was what he did to Tavros. Hold him above the water and watch him gasp for air. In fact. He was still gasping for air. Gamzee looked down into the bowl at the fish and stood. He grabbed the fish food and the water purification serum and left his home.

He walked for a long time, holding the bowl tightly, making sure not to much water sloshed out of it as he walked. Gamzee walked wearily down the street until he finally got to Tavros' apartment. It was dark when he got there. He carefully set the bowl down, along with the fish food and serum. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and pressed it to the wall; he then retrieved a pen from his hair and scribbled on the paper.

Once he was done, he set the paper down by the fish and knocked on Tavros' door. Gamzee then turned and ran from the apartment as Tavros opened the door.

"Hello?" Tavros called from his door. The small teen looked around with creased eyebrows. He then looked down and gasped," what the….?" He knelt and picked up the bowl, he held it to the light to see what was in it. His face softened when he saw the fish," hi buddy…you lost?" He giggled and smiled at the fish. He knelt down again and gathered the paper and the fish care supplies from his doorstep.

Tavros walked back in, shutting the door behind him. He set the bowl on the coffee table and sat on his couch," your name is….Rufio….yeah…hi Rufio. How are you?" Tavros said smiling down at the bowl. The fish responded by swimming around the bowl, nibbling at the colorful rocks at the bottom.

Giggling Tavros looked at the paper that was left with the fish:

Dear Tavros,

Hey man. Yeah I doubt you actually wanted to talk in person, so I'm here leavin you a note. This is the note. But I bet you noticed that because you're readin it. Anyways I just wanted to say sorry bro. Sorry for doin what I did. I didn't know what else to do. If the gang found out I was. Gay. Theyd have my head. But yeah. That's what I am. Im gay and Im sorry I dragged you down with me. I shouldn't do that inless I know what you like. You seemd to like it though bro. So I don't know. I came to the book store today to talk to you about it. I shoulve just talke to you about it when it happened. I didn't though. Im sorry. Im an idiot an my brains all foggy. Actualy this is the first letter Ive written in my entire life. An its to you Tavros. So can ya forgive me? Please? If you do. Can you meet me tomarrow at the city park below the bridge on the far side of the park. You know, the really cool one, that you can hardly see under the bottom? That bridge. Ill make it up to you ok? Ill make up to you everythin Ive done. Gotten you beat up. Left you haging. An. I promise Ill make up to you for everything I mite do ever ok? Cuz I care about you ok? A lot. Like. A lot a lot. So yeah. Well talk about that tomarrow. If you come. Oh come around noon ok?

Love,

Gamzee


	9. A Blue Flower

The sun shone down onto the frozen land. It gave no comfort and it didn't warm Tavros form as he walked to the park. He was happy he had Rosa's jacket but it was still freezing. He wished it was raining or cloudy, then it'd be warmer. Not only had the cold frozen Tavros though. The thought of talking to Gamzee after so long chilled him to the bone. He was terrified. He didn't know what to say. He walked through the park. It was a Saturday, but because of the cold, hardly anyone was in the park.

As Tavros neared the bridge his heart beat faster and faster as he walked. He carefully pressed his hand to his chest and shuddered, terrified. He kept walking though. He slid down the hill and onto the bank of the stream. He turned his mohawked head to look at Gamzee.

There Gamzee stood a small blue flower in one hand. He smiled a little at Tavros, who smiled a little back. The two just stood there, staring at each other, unsure of what to do, unsure of what to say.

Tavros spoke first," thanks for the fish…I named him Rufio." He said smiling a little as he finally walked up to Gamzee.

Gamzee smiled," I knew he'd be safe and happy with you bro." The skinny teen held out the flower to him," um…for you…I…stole it from a florist on the way over…." He said looking down.

Tavros smiled a little and chuckled," um…you shouldn't do that…but thanks…" He said as he took the flower from Gamzee. Tavros smelled it lightly and smiled up at him.

Gamzee nodded and looked down. He slowly walked forward and lowered his head down so his forehead was pressed to Tavros' shoulder," m sorry bro…"

"Its…ok…" Tavros said pressing his hand to Gamzee's arm, rubbing it lightly," I read your note. I understand. I need to tell Rosa that you did what you did for a reason, so she doesn't call the police on you…heh…" Tavros said softly, letting his hand run up Gamzee's arm then to his neck, to lightly tangle with his filthy blond curls.

Gamzee nodded and wrapped his arms loosely around Tavros' midsection, not really hugging him. He was actually holding himself up, so he wouldn't fall. His head was light again and he felt sick. How could Tavros forgive him so easily? What did he do to deserve someone that was as nice as him? He nodded again though and straightened up, his cheeks flushed from the cold and the fever he didn't know he had," I don't deserve your forgiveness man. When a brother wrongs a brother…it's like…it's…" Gamzee wobbled a little and Tavros quickly tucked the flower behind his ear so he could use both hands to hold the gangster up.

"You ok? You don't look too good. How about you come back to my apartment…and…and you don't run away from me this time…and you shower…wear my baggy pajamas and I make you a bowl of chicken soup….ok?" Tavros said, his blue eyes full of worry as they looked over Gamzee's painted face, it was smeared. The flush was obvious under the white though.

Gamzee nodded and looked at the jacket," sorry bro….I got some white on your jacket…it…comes off with some motherfuckin water though…" Gamzee said, his words slurring a little as he wobbled again.

Tavros quickly wrapped an arm around Gamzee's skinny midsection, and pulled Gamzee's long arm over his shoulder, supporting his weight," ok, that's fine, cmon, let's get you somewhere warm…ok?"

Gamzee grinned at him and nodded," ok motherfucker."

Tavros practically dragged Gamzee to his apartment, he was very happy that he was as deceivingly strong as he was. Finally he hauled Gamzee's ass up the stairs and to his apartment. He fumbled with his keys for a moment, but finally managed to open the door and drag Gamzee inside.

The mohawked boy kicked the door shut behind him and took Gamzee to the bathroom," um…can you….uh…get undressed? How bout…I just start the shower for you…" Tavros offered.

Gamzee nodded and started to tug off his purple jacket and black shirt. In a foggy manner, he watched Tavros start the shower and get the water hot; he then turned and hurried out, telling him to call him if he needed anything. Gamzee barely remembers nodding and stripping down. Once he was in the shower though, his eyes shut and he was asleep.

After 30 minutes Tavros started to worry. He knocked on the bathroom door," hey Gamzee? You ok?" He waited for a response, but got none. Slowly he opened the door and looked down at Gamzee, who was sound asleep with his face pressed to the shower wall. Tavros smiled softly and knelt down beside him, he tapped the glass a little," Gamzee. Hey. Wake up; you need to clean yourself up ok? Cuz I want to make the soup."

Gamzee blinked his eyes open a little and looked at Tavros, he grinned a little," hey motherfucker."

Tavros smiled," do you need help? Or can you do this yourself?" He asked putting his hand on the shower door.

Blue eyes looked at Tavros' hand," its cool bro. Guess I just needed a nap." He said as he dragged himself up so that he was standing in the spray.

Tavros' eyes widened and he was out of the bathroom in a second, shutting the door quickly behind him, his actions were responded with Gamzee laughing loudly and calling out to him," chill bro! We have the same bits."

The jittery teen knew this, but…he couldn't remember the last time he had actually looked at himself. He never looked down when he used the bathroom. He never had…touched himself…he was nervous to. He didn't even look at himself when he showered! It was too embarrassing! He didn't care if they had the same body parts. He was still terrified of them for some reason. Tavros shook his head and hurried to the kitchen, pulling out to cans of chicken noodle soup. He quickly made them both in the microwave then took them to the coffee table. He set them down and looked at Rufio the fish. The punk smiled softly and gave him a couple flakes of fish food.

Finally Gamzee emerged from the shower. He grabbed the pajamas he had worn last time and threw them on, happy to be clean and warm. He wandered over to the couch and plopped down," mmm soup. Can't remember the last time I had chicken soup." Gamzee stated as he grabbed the spoon next to his bowl, starting to spoon some broth into his mouth.

"Doesn't your mama make you soup?" Tavros asked, glancing at him as he too sipped at the broth.

Gamzee stopped sipping the broth," don't have one." He mumbled as he spooned some noodles instead.

"Me either." Tavros said in a comforting tone," um...can…can I ask why?" He asked timidly as he picked his bowl up to sip more.

"I ran away, when I was 8." Gamzee said as he chewed some noodles, not looking at Tavros. He did not want to talk about this at all.

"Why?" But he had to ask. He wanted to know why Gamzee was the way he was.

"Don't wanna talk about it." Gamzee mumbled as he finished his soup.

Tavros finished his soup as well," I'll…I'll tell you my story if you tell me yours." Tavros offered looking at Gamzee with a small smile.

Gamzee didn't look at him though. His lightly wet curls hung around his face, hiding all emotion, but Tavros could tell he was at war with himself. Slowly Gamzee raised his head and looked at Tavros," fine. You tell me yours first."

Tavros smiled and nodded," ok. I will. Well….."


	10. Tavros' Story

"My mother was named…Maria…my father…my father….was named….Tristin…..yeah...I don't remember what they did for a living…but we lived I this big house. Heh…I remember the house better than my own parents…but I do remember my mother's face. She had…long dark hair that curled at the ends…she had…green eyes. They were kind. They were full of love. My parents loved me. A lot. My dad had light brown hair. It was also long. He tied it back in a ponytail. I remember he'd tickle my nose with the end of it…hehehe and he'd put it under my nose and tell me I had quite the mustache. Before I went to bed…they'd read me my favorite sotry…Peter Pam…and they'd sing me my favorite song….you are my Sunshine…you know that song? You know….you are my sunshine my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey…you'll never know dear how much I love you…please don't take…my sunshine away….On Saturday mornings my dad would cook banana bread, we'd put butter on it while it was hot….and make fun of mom because she couldn't cook. She was the worst cook I knew…worse than me…I remember one day she set the entire kitchen on fire…she never told us how…she said she was too embarrassed. We had to replace the entire kitchen. I…I remember helping my dad lay the tiles in the kitchen….I was…9…There was one spot in the kitchen where all the tiles were crooked…and one was upside down. After that my dad told me I could watch and help mom make the lemonade….the lemonade tasted burnt…we don't know why but it did. I never had any friends. I was so nervous around all the other kids. No one wanted to hang out with the stuttering weird kid….my mom and dad sat me down at 10 and told me that they were only jealous of my creative mind and cute cheeks and freckles. I didn't believe them. I ended up crying on my mom's lap while my dad rubbed my back. They told me….they….they told me it was all going to be ok…and that I would find some friends….at 12 my dad gave me….the talk…I remember running to mom and crying…telling her I didn't want to see the pink taco….heheh I remember my mom storming into the living room and slapping my dad. She then told me the talk…she said that it didn't matter if I liked the pants snake or the pink taco…it didn't matter and that she loved me…her and dad loved me…no matter what…no matter what happened. At 13 I cut myself to see what it was like…all the cool kids were doing it…I…cut myself to deep and had to go to the hospital…my mother asked me why…I told her I just wanted to be noticed by the cool kids. She explained to me to never conform. She said she'd rather me cut holes in my jeans and paint my ass blue to match them…she told me never to do what everyone else was doing…and remain myself. So I did….at…at 14….to…to be exact…my 14th birthday….I came down the stairs from my room….my parents weren't there…..no one was in the house but me….I…I ran up and down our street….calling for them….but….they never answered back…I spent that birthday….sitting in the kitchen…on my crooked tiles…with no one to call….I never had any relatives…no one ever told me about grandparents…or aunts…or uncles….I had no one…so I sat there…not knowing what to do…I tried to live….I survived and went to school…I watched the power turn off…the water turn off….the heat…the comfort…then…then they came…the police to ask what was wrong….they found me….a mess…I was put into foster care…I hated it….I wouldn't speak to anyone…they didn't know what to do…so…I begged the state worker…to let me get a job…to let me have an apartment…I just…wanted to be alone….so…so they took me to court. I proved myself to the judge that I could do it….they believed me….that's…when I met Rosa. She gave me a job at her book store…she took pity on me…then…she had her accident. She begged me to work there full time until she recovered. I agreed…she helped me pay for the apartment and gave me work…she even offered to adopt me…I refused…I didn't want a new parent…I wanted my parents…two years passed and here I am…a Junior in Highschool…I…I still believe my parents are out there…I want to find them someday…I hope I can find them someday…" Tavros sighed and looked down, wiping tears from his eyes," so that's it….that's…that's my story…" Tavros said smiling, finally looking up at Gamzee.

Gamzee quickly leaned forward and held Tavros tightly," it'll be ok…"


	11. Gamzee's Story

"You told me yours bro…so I guess I'll tell ya mine. My real parents died when I was 5. I don't remember them….like…at all man…it's funny ya know? Tryin to remember them….what they did…how they did it. I do remember one thing though. I remember my mom tellin me to hide. Hide and don't come out till she got me. I remember gun shots and yellin. It…happened a lot….I hid under the bed…in the closet….the gunshots came from my dad….that's it…one day, while I was hidin. A police man called out for me…my mom and dad always told me that they weren't good. An they'd take me away from them if I talked to an officer. So…I didn. He found me though man…he took me to my uncle. I didn know I had an uncle. But I did. And I had to stay with him because he was my only family. My uncle told me my dad had killed my mom…then shot himself. So he told me…cuz I had no more parents…that…that I had to do whatever he said…everything he said…he…I….my uncle….was….a….he raped me…..more than once…..for….3 years…3 years I sat in fuckin fear of this horrible motherfucker…I hated him….I HATED HIM…what did I do…what did I do to deserve this? I didn't do anything…I was just a kid man…just a little kid…with hopes an dreams…well….he did a fuckin good job poundin those outa me….I…I remember sitting by my bed…my hands pressed together….if….if I only could….make a deal with god…but…I couldn't…so…while he was asleep…I snuck into his room….I had a kitchen knife….I slit his throat and ran. I ran as fast as I could as far away as I could. I didn't know how far I ran…I don't remember the town we were in….but…I ended up here…in this town. I found where the gang I'm ins hideout was….I squatted there for….till now…so a motherfuckin long time. The gang found me…an man…they made me their mule. They took me in…they told me I'd be safe as long as I did what they said. If I didn't…they'd kill me…..I was the mule for a long time. Till….I had this thing of….crack…well…it…it was up my ass ok? I'm fuckin ashamed o the shit I was doin…but I wanted to be safe. Anyways. The container broke….it broke and I almost died. Started seizurin on the side of the road. One of the gang members had followed me though. He was goin with me to pop the dealer we were meetin….somthin bout rippin the gang off. The mission failed. I got taken back to the hideout. They fixed me up…then yelled at me for puttin it up wrong…I wasn't allowed to be the mule anymore. So…they had me be their hitman…cuz I was small. Fast. And hell I was smart…I was fuckin smart….even with the drugs I took with the gang….no matter the shit they gave me…I was sharp as a tack…they put me through school. No one caught me…even when I was high. They just thought I was weird. Cuz…what type o 10 year olds high?...hehe…..anyways…I…I've killed people…..lotsa people….for the gang….the police in this town don't pay attention to gang wars….and the John and Jane Does piled up by my hands….this went on till I was 14. I started to get clumsy. Fumblin up missions. My smarts were gone…replaced by addictions and mood swings…they tried to sober me up…but…if you're fuckin raised on that shit…its hard to break yourself from it. I tried….I….mother….fuckin….tried….I'd see these cute lil kids walkin down the street. With their mama in hand. Dressed in their Sunday best….an….an here I am…in some ripped up jeans and some ICP shirt…..I looked awful…I don't even understand their music! I mean seriously what the fuck? Who the fuck cares about magnets?...anyways…I wanted to be a good kid…I wanted to go to school…an…an play with the other kids…an…an not do drugs…the gang told me that I couldn't an that I was too deep in the gang to quit now…I begged them…I begged them for a long time…I'd run outa hope…I'd be this forever…an be one a those John Does in the morgue….at 27….you…you wanna know how the gang celebrates my birthday?...they make me take as many shots as I am old. Then they tell me to go to the worst parta town and tag their sign….they say it keeps me sharp…if I'm caught…I'm not worth their time….anyways…I was…17 in my sophmore year…yeah I got held back a lot…an…I…saw you. The most timid freshman I ever had seen….you were so cute with your shaggy brown hair…then you got cuter when you shaved it and pierced yourself up….I watched ya for a while…tryin to talk to you in class….you'd…you'd just look at me with this terrified look…I'd always get you in detention…..I'd always get you in trouble….I'm sorry….but…then…now…I'm a Senior…I..can actually graduate may be…man…and I'm only..19….hehe….19…I'm gettin old bro….if I stay like this I'm gonna die…I…I've been sober for 5 days now man…an it's killin me….I hurt everywhere….I don't wanna eat…I don't wanna sleep…you…I'm…I'm goin sober for you man….I don't wanna see you hurt…or hurt you anymore than I have….ok? I promise you man…I promise I won't hurt you no more…."

Tavros shook his head and wiped the tears from Gamzee's cheeks," don't make unreal promises. I know you will…and…I'll forgive you. Ok?" Tavros said as he ran his fingers through Gamzee's now dry hair. He smiled kindly at him and cupped his face," I'm glad you're trying to sober up…you know…you can stay here as long as you need to…my doors always open for you."

Gamzee nodded and looked down," I don't deserve it…"

"Yes you do. You've been through hell and back…you deserve some kindness."


	12. I Love You Bro

The two teens just held each other like that for a long time. There tears were gone and only silence remained. They listened to each other breath, to their quick heart beats. It was as if the two were begging some unknown, invisible force to bind their bodies together. To be forever comforted by the unconditional warmth that the two produced in the embrace.

Gamzee was the first to let go. He looked at Tavros with glossy blue eyes rimmed in red, from tears long gone. He smiled a little and cupped Tavros' cheek," I'm….I'm gonna do it right this time man." Gamzee said softly as he pressed his forehead to Tavros' own.

Tavros nodded and glanced down, blinked away a couple stray tears," what…are you?"

Before he could finish Gamzee cut him off by pressing their lips together in a deep kiss. The gangster had never felt this way before. He felt…loved. He felt like no matter what happened the smaller teen would be there to hold him up.

Years ago he felt as if he fell tired as a child. Stopped hanging on, stopped walking. Now. Now he felt like walking again, but he was no longer that child that stood in awkward silence, ready to shoot anyone that looked at him funny. No. Now he was strong. He had someone to protect. He had someone to protect him.

His head felt light, but his heart felt lighter and before he realized it, the kiss was over. Tavros pulled back and smiled at Gamzee, a deep blush rested on his freckled cheeks, he two felt light. He knew love. He knew comfort. He lost it. Though now it was back in some strange form of this boy who seemed to fill some empty space Tavros had no idea he had. He felt complete.

He couldn't speak though. His heart pounded in his throat and his face felt hot. How could he tell Gamzee how he really felt about all of this? This wasn't love….it couldn't be love. That's impossible for someone to fall in love so fast. No…more like it was improbable. So, the impossible came to light and Tavros, almost without thinking, practically yelled," I LOVE YOU."

There was a long silence and the two of them just stared into each other's eyes, Gamzee trying to figure out what to say and Tavros cursing himself and begging someone to take it back. He didn't want Gamzee to run again, he couldn't handle it.

What happened next caught Tavros off guard. Gamzee slowly reached out and plucked the blue flower from his ear and smelled it lightly, he then turned and set it on the coffee table. His eyes rose from the flower and slowly to Tavros' eyes. Once locked in gaze again, that crooked smile spread across Gamzee's face and he said in a very soft, very low tone," I love you too Tav."

Tavros stared at Gamzee with wide eyes and then, it clicked. The two felt as if they knew exactly what each other wanted to say all along, that no words needed to be spoken the rest of the night.

The rest of the night the two cuddled against each other on the small couch, they ended up watching Beauty and the Beast. Turned out Gamzee loved the stupid Disney movies as much as Tavros.

Once the movie was over, Tavros quickly changed into his pajamas and stood by his bed, looking at Gamzee," you can fit in my bed with me…its small but it's not that small." He said with a small smile.

The lanky teen stood and smiled, walking over to Tavros. He towered over him when he stood in front of the small boy. He carefully leaned down and pecked Tavros' lips, letting his hands wander to Tavros' hips, the butt.

Quickly, Tavros grabbed his hands and looked up at Gamzee," no. Not yet. I'm…I'm scared…" He said softly as he looked away.

Gamzee smiled kindly and removed his hands," sorry bro. Didn't mean no harm. Ok then. I'll make you a deal, an…an I'll tell you a secret. K?" Gamzee said as he brushed past Tavros to sit on his bed. His long arms reached out and pulled Tavros onto his lap, with a little bit of squirming and protesting from the other male.

Once Tavros calmed down he let out a long sigh and nodded," ok Gamzee….what's the deal? And…what's your secret?"

"After bein….molested as a kid. I…I've never slept with a soul since then. Actually. I still consider myself a virgin. So. My deal is…I won't initiate nothin with you sexual wise, ok bro? In exchange. When you're ready. You have to start this train. Cuz if I could have it my way, I'd make you feel better than you ever felt, right here, right now. But I don't wanna rush you bro. That's the last thing I wanna do. So. You tell me when. Ok? We'll give each other somethin special when the time comes. I give you my trust an the thing that I can only give out once. An you gimme yours." Gamzee said smiling at Tavros.

Tavros was silent though. He didn't say a word, until finally he mumbled something almost inaudible," I'm not a virgin…."

Gamzee blinked and leaned forward a little so that he could look at Tavros better," what?" The larger teen was dumbfounded, and really, really surprised. Tavros was really antisocial, how could he have had sex?

Tavros ran his fingers through his hair and he let out a long sigh," I'm not proud of it…at all…you…you know Vriska? Well…it was my Sophomore year….she…actually kinda forced herself on me….I…I was…well…she said that if I wanted anyone to like me…that I'd do what she said. So I did….she…got me high behind the bleachers and we fucked…we didn't make love. She fucked me. I ended up skipping a month of school and crying on Rosa for that month…guess…that's when I really questioned the…sexuality thing….Vriska mostly leaves me alone now….cept for when…she puts dead things in my locker…but yeah…"

Gamzee grinned and ruffled his hair," you got me worried bro! I thought you meant you had sex with a dude. No no no don't worry bro. You're still pure in one part a ya." Gamzee said bobbing his eyebrows.

This gained a flush from the teen on his lap," UM…UH….O…OK….um…y…you…uh….you're…top…" Tavros sputtered out in almost a statement.

"Yeah bro. Is that cool? I..I don't think I can stand anythin else up my ass….ya dig?" Gamzee said holding Tavros tightly.

Tavros smiled and leaned back, nuzzling him a little," o…of course….I…don't mind…I..heheh think I'd like it…" Once the words left his mouth, he slapped his hands over it and whimpered a little, his cheeks burning red. He couldn't believe he said that!

The blond smirked and kissed the side of his head," it's cool bro. I like it when you talk like that. Don't be embarrassed to tell me what you like an don't like. Ok?" Gamzee said softly as he rubbed Tavros' chest a little.

Tavros just blushed harder and nodded," o, ok…can…can we sleep now? And…cuddle more?" He asked smiling at Gamzee.

"Hahaha of course lil bro!" Gamzee said hugging him tightly before pulling back the covers. He crawled under them and pulled Tavros with him. The smaller's back to the larger's front. Gamzee gently pressed his nose into Tavros' hair and sighed softly," gnight bro. I love you."

"I love you too Gamzee." Tavros mumbled as he scooted his back closer to Gamzee's front, also sighing contently as Gamzee wrapped his arms around him. For once in a very long while, Tavros felt safe and warm.


	13. Justice

Thank you for all your reviews and support! I give you all of my love!

* * *

><p>When Tavros opened his heavy eyes, the first thing he noticed, was the lack of Gamzee next to him. He let out a sigh and felt where he had been, wondering where he'd gone. He tugged the covers over himself tighter and shivered, it was late. Hell it was still dark. Where was Gamzee? Tavros sat up and rubbed the back of his head and yawned. He was groggy as he trudged across his apartment to look at the clock on his microwave.<p>

4:30am, read the appliance. Tavros groaned and rubbed his eyes, he walked into the bathroom. No Gamzee. The teen turned and went to the couch, looking to see if he was on it. Nope. Did he dream everything that happened? He was beyond confused as he turned the light to his apartment on.

Tavros winced at the light and rubbed his eyes again. He yawned again and noticed a note stuck to the TV. He hurried over to it and grabbed it;

Hey Tavbro, had to take care of some stuff. Ill stop by after school ok? Don't worry and DO NOT COME AND LOOK FOR ME. You got that bro? Ill come to you. You stay put. Stay safe bro ok?

~Love, Gamzee

Tavros sighed and put the note next to Rufio," good morning Rufio….Gamzee's gonna be a handful to be with….isn't he?" Tavros mumbled to the fish as he sprinkled some food in his bowl.

After feeding the fish he straightened up and went back to the bathroom. He slowly showered and got ready for the day. Once up, he couldn't get back to sleep for the life of him. So he might as well be ready to go to school. He hadn't been in a while so he was a little worried about the reactions of the other kids.

He shrugged the worry off and finally after watching half of Peter Pan he headed out for school. He looked up at the sky, at little snowflakes that skittered down from the dark clouds and onto Rosa's coat. Tavros huddled into it and started the trek to school. It was still mostly dark due to the season, but luckily Tavros knew the way in his sleep. It was nice and quiet out. He racked his brain, trying to remember why he never really went at this time. He knew he did it before…why did he sto….oh yeah.

Tavros' thought was halted when he heard the nails on a chalk board voice of a very troubled girl," Tavroooooooos! You're out early today. I thought you stopped walking this early because of me." The girl said as she ran up beside Tavros.

Vriska Serket. You thought Gamzee was troubled? This girl took the cake. She lived in a halfway house for girls and at the edge of town, most of the time she didn't sleep there though. She was notorious for beating kids to a pulp then leaving them, saying it was a fun game. Speaking of games, this girl could play them. They wouldn't let her join any sport at the school because she would always cheat, and the games she did play, were less than traditional.

She played the very sick game of minds. That's how she got to sleep with Tavros. She "took him under her wing" and told him she cared about him. He believed her and had sex with her the way she wanted, she then beat the crap out of him the next day and told him he was worthless and the worst screw she'd ever had. It wasn't only Tavros she had screwed over though. She liked to steal Terezi; the local blind girl's seeing stick. She made Sollux break down and cry and had him have to be taken home by his parents. She liked to bruise Karkat whenever chance she got, she thought it was fun poking the local albino with sharp pointy things, he bruised like a peach! For the longest time he had a bruise shaped like an 8 on the back of his neck because of her. She would always tell Feferi she was fat, which she obviously was not, being the captain of the swim team you can't exactly be overweight. Poor Feferi had to go to counseling for a month because of her.

Don't get me started on Eridan. He was one of her favorite targets. Eridan wasn't very nice himself, but Vriska was meaner, 8 times meaner. She liked to put gay magazines in his locker so that they fell all over the floor when he opened his locker. That got him beat up a couple times. She tormented Eridan so bad that he had a mental breakdown in the middle of the lunch room and he ended up confessing his love for Vriska, who laughed at him and called him pathetic. Poor guy was never the same afterwards. She told him he'd be forever alone and that he didn't deserve to be alive. After that they had to put the hipster on 24/7 suicide watch.

Vriska wasn't all mean though. She just took her frustration out on everyone around her. She in a sense though, dug her own grave. She was mean to everyone because no one liked her and no one liked her because she was mean to them. The girl wasn't all thorns though. It was Kanaya who took pity on her and tried to befriend her. They did become friends, but the friendship was sick and abusive. Vriska got Kanaya in trouble with the police because she hid her pot in Kanaya's locker. Luckily everyone knew how good of a girl Kanaya was so she was let off the hook and the pot was disposed of. After that, Kanaya didn't talk to Vriska. She went downhill after Kanaya refused to speak to her. She got more violent. The school was threatening to expel her. They said they'd never seen a girl so violent in their lives.

They tried to find an outlet for Vriska that wasn't destructive. They couldn't find anything. So now Vriska continued to terrorize the students, begging for any form of attention.

Tavros looked over the matted, messy hair and ripped jacket and jeans," um….hi Vriska…." He managed to squeak out, why did he come this early? He was trying to avoid this bitch at all costs! He didn't want to look at her face and think of it in a sexual sense. He grimaced and gagged a little.

"So Tavros. It's early. Why don't you and I go for a rumpus behind the bleachers?" Vriska said smirking as she grabbed Tavros' shoulder.

Tavros eyes widened, he couldn't speak, he just squeaked, then cried out as the girl grabbed his other shoulders and tossed him into the street in front of a bus that honked at him and tried to swerve out of the way, but at the last second Vriska pulled him back to safety.

"Saved your life! Now you owe me." Vriska said with a dark look. Her grip tight on Tavros' arms," cmon wimp. Stop being so pathetic. I know you can be a man someday. Why not make that day today?" She asked, trying to seduce the boy again.

"I'M GAY! GO AWAY!" Tavros cried out and ripped from her and began to book it down the street, terrified of the girl. Man but it felt good to yell that at someone. It felt right. It sounded right. He continued to run as fast as he could until he was grabbed and yanked into an alley. Tavros shrieked and started to flail, but soon stopped when he heard the familiar gravelly voice.

"Chill bro! Shit what's wrong? You ok Tav?" Gamzee asked calming the smaller teen down by pulling him into a tight hug, rocking him gently.

Tavros shook and clung to Gamzee tightly," Gamzee….Vriska…"

"Say no more. I got this. It's time she fuckin paid for all the shit she's done. You know she tried to join our gang a long while ago? I told them not to let her join; she's to psycho to give a gun. Or even be a drug mule. It's not worth it. Here I'll walk you to school and then you won't have to worry about her from here on out. I know a few people that will help me with this too. Some people that'll want revenge." Gamzee said with a grin as he led Tavros out of the alley.

"You sure? Don't hurt her to bad, she doesn't deserve…" Tavros was cut off by Gamzee putting his hand on his shoulder and leaning down to peck his lips.

"Bro, she deserves it. Leave it to me. You dig?" Gamzee said with a dark smirk, his smeared clown makeup making him look ominous and a little terrifying, so Tavros just nodded and let Gamzee walk him to school. Once he dropped Tavros off he hugged him lightly and left.

Tavros fidgeted, he didn't want anyone to get hurt…even if the victim was Vriska. She was a bitch but she was only like that because she was all alone, perpetually. Tavros pitied her, but he didn't want to be the one to comfort her. He turned and saw Kanaya walking to her first period, may be she'd reconsider her friendship with Vriska.

The small teen ran over to the tall, model-like girl, who looked down at Tavros once he slowed to walk next to her," hi Kanaya." Tavros said with a smile.

Kanaya smiled back and stopped walking," yes? Do I know you?" She asked looking Tavros over.

Tavros sighed, he knew everyone and no one knew him," I'm Tavros. I have 3rd period art with you. Remember?"

"Oh you're the quiet one. Yes I do know you. How can I help you?" She asked in the soft, kind tone she possessed.

"um…well…you know Vriska? Well…I…um…think Gamzee is going to hurt her….you know because she's mean….and she slept with me…" Tavros mumbled. He looked back up at Kanaya and was surprised when he saw tears in her eyes.

"She…slept with you." The tall girl said in an almost bitter tone," and now Gamzee would like to hurt her. I see. All I can say to you is she had it coming. Honestly she needs to be knocked down a few pegs." Kanaya stated turning, continuing to walk to her class.

"Wait! You don't understand, may be if you talked to her…um, she would stop being mean? Like try again…you know…" Tavros said hurrying to catch up with her.

Kanaya stopped again and turned to face Tavros," listen Tavros. I know you mean well, but when you know Vriska as well as I do, you know that one hand of kindness will not, even if you pray and beg, change her. She needs more than one person for attention. No matter what I did for her, she is still the way she has always been. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am happy that the strange clown boy will hurt her. She deserves it. I am not one for revenge, but this is just desserts. Pardon my maliciousness, but it is just." She said, and at that, she turned and hurried away from Tavros.

Tavros fidgeted, he didn't want anyone hurt! May be Karkat would show some sympathy. He turned and hurried into the library. Karkat and Sollux sat in the far back, playing cards and quietly joking with each other, he approached them and both of them went silent.

Sollux was the first to speak," yo book boy. How are you?" He asked grinning a little at Tavros.

"You know this loser?" Karkat asked Sollux with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah he workth at the bookthtore I go to. He orginizeth everything and helpth Rotha." He explained to the angry albino.

Karkat rolled his eyes and set his cards down," well what do you want or are you just going to look at me funny? If you are you're going to get fucking punched in your god damned hole!" Karkat snarled, standing up.

"Kk chill." Sollux said gently grabbing Karkat's wrist," you know if you punch him you'll jutht hurt yourthelf more."

Karkat glowered and sat back down," fine. Well fuckass, what the fuck do you want?"

Tavros stared at the two, Karkat was the only albino he'd ever known so he had to stare a little," oh well um…Gamzee is going to hurt Vriska…I wanted some help to may be talk him out of it…uh cuz I don't want anyone to get hurt…"

"HA! LET THE BITCH BURN!" Karkat yelled and was quickly hushed by the mostly deaf Librarian. He quieted down and glared at Tavros.

"thorry Tavroth but I agree with Kk. Thee'th done nothing but be a bitch to everyone. Thee really detherveth thith." Sollux stated as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I..um…can't…understand you…." Tavros mumbled to Sollux.

"ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID YOU PIECE OF SHIT! ITS OBVIOUS WHAT HE SAID YOU FUCKER!"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Sorry…" Karkat calmed down and glared at Tavros," listen weirdo, we are not going to help some bitch who's done nothing but fuck all of us over. Why are you even protecting her? We know what she did to you."

Tavros looked down and sighed," ok…I'll try someone else."

"May be try Terezi? She'd usually nice to everyone, even if they're mean to her. She could…hit Gamzee with her blind stick. I don't know. Just buzz off man." Karkat said picking up his cards again.

Tavros nodded and sighed again, leaving the two alone. He wandered around until he found Terezi at her locker; he smirked a little at the outfit she was wearing. He knew her mom organized her clothes so that they could match, but Terezi went out of her way to wear plaid with stripes and polka dots. Today she was wearing rainbow socks with a pair of red plaid capris and a bright purple long sleeved shirt with a green tank top with blue stripes across it," um hi Terezi."

Terezi turned and smiled at him, her eyes wandering around under her red glasses," hi Tavros! How are you today?" Somehow Terezi knew everyone by name, even the most outcast students. She explained it that everyone had their own unique smell and she matched names with smells.

"I'm..ok..I'm worried though. Will you help me?" Tavros asked.

"Depends on what you need help with." Terezi said shutting her locker and taking her stick from her bag. She extended it and began to tap down the hall," what's up?"

"Well...Gamzee is gonna hurt Vriska, and I know she's mean but I uh…don't want anyone to get hurt you know?" Tavros explained.

"He is? Well that's only fair! She deserves to be beaten up for all of the mean stuff she's done to everyone. Heck this is awesome! I want to be a part of this! I will be the lawyer that puts her in her place! That says her sentence to her face!" Terezi said cackling, accidentally hitting students as she tapped around the corner.

Tavros sighed, he knew asking Terezi, the law nut, would be a bad idea," oh…um..ok…I'm just gonna go…ok?" He said as he turned, leaving Terezi to whack a kid who was trying to put a sign on her back.

The boy wandered through the halls thinking of anyone else he could beg for help, Equius may be? He nodded and hurried to the weights room. Once he entered he saw Equius and Nepeta. Equius was benching more weight than Tavros could ever dream of lifting, Nepeta was spotting him.

"Hi Tavros! Purfect timing, can you spot him while I get him some water?" Nepeta asked as she bounded over to the drinking fountain.

Tavros nodded and took his place behind the bench, looking down at the sweaty teen below him," Tavros. What does such a lowly boy want with me? You came in here for a reason." Equius stated as he lifted the bar back into its holster. He sat up and grabbed a towel at his feet and wiped his face with it.

Nepeta hurried over and handed him his water bottle, which Equius took and took a long slow drink from it," yeah Tavros, what do you want? You hardly efur talk to us. So why now?" The girl asked as she took the bottle back.

"Um…well it's about Vriska." He said, very nervous around Equius.

The buff teen turned and locked his sunglass covered eyes on Tavros," listen peanut worm, that name will not be mentioned in such a sacred place. Nepeta. Get me another towel."

"Ok!" Nepeta said in her chipper tone and pranced over to the towel rack. She hurried back over and handed it to him.

Equius took it and put it over his shoulders," so tell me. Why are you of all puny people, seeking out me who could easily snap you in two?"

"um well uh….Gamzee….you know Gamzee?" Tavros mumbled and fumbled with his shirt.

Equius glared at the small boy and grabbed a dumbbell, working out his arm," yes. I know the Aryan boy who poisons his beautiful blood with drugs and swill. What of the disgrace?"

"Well…he's going to…um…beat…the girl….that I can't say her name in here….up." Tavros explained to the large teen.

"Vriskers? Gamzee's gonna beat Vriskers up? Huh. Well I guess she deserves it. I tried to be her furiend and she just kinda was mean to me and made fun of me fur wearing kitty ears." Nepeta said sitting on the bench next to Equius.

Equius grimaced at the mention of Vriska," and how dare she be mean to Nepeta. Nepeta is the fastest in the school. The star athlete on the track team. How dare anyone bring such a beautifully muscled girl down."

"Equius you're being weird again!" Nepeta said giggling as she adjusted the headband with kitty ears she wore.

"I am sorry. I meant no offence Nepeta. So Tavros. Why do you come to us? Do you expect us to help you defend such a horrible girl?" Equius asked as he switched the dumbbell to the other hand.

"I…guess not…" Tavros said softly," sorry I um…bothered you…I'll leave." He said as he turned and left. Of course those two wouldn't help! Nepeta always followed Equius around and followed his example. He knew Equius didn't like Vriska. Something about dominatrixes….Tavros shrugged and racked his brain, he knew Feferi wouldn't help. Eridan wouldn't be of any help. He wasn't even helpful when he was trying to be helpful. Aradia? No…Vriska was especially mean to Aradia. She made Aradia unresponsive and mute for a year. He didn't want the girl to relapse into that at the mention of her name. There was no one else…she was just going to get hurt.

Tavros went the rest of the day, worrying and looking for Vriska, but she never came to class. He saw everyone, but her that day. That just worried him. What if Gamzee had grabbed her during the day? He was worried even more though when slowly through the day he saw one by one, the people he talked to, leave the school and not come back. He fidgeted and fumbled at the entrance of the school near the end of the day, terrified of what could've happened to Vriska. He hated the girl, but he just wanted everyone to be peaceful! He didn't think anyone deserved to be hurt! He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder; he whirled around to see Gamzee, who was grinning down at him.

"Hi bro. How are you?" He asked, rubbing his shoulder gently.

"Hi Gamzee…um…how was your day?" Tavros asked, his eyes filled with worry.

"Fulfilling." Gamzee said grinning darkly," bitch won't bother you no more." He stated leading Tavros out of the school when the bell rung.

Tavros' eyes widened and he looked up at him," what did you do!"

"You'll see tomorrow. She's in the hospital right now, but she'll be out in the morning." He said smirking.

"What? What did you do Gamzee?" Tavros yelled at him.

"Oh. I didn't do shit. It's the people she hurt that did shit to her. You'll see man." Gamzee stated.

Tavros turned and saw Terezi tapping by him; he quickly grabbed her and begged her," what did everyone do to Vriska?"

Terezi blinked with surprise but grinned wide at him and cackled out," Justice."


	14. Vriska Serket

"I want to go visit her. You shouldn't have done that you know." Tavros mumbled as the two walked to Rosa's book store.

"Listen man she deserved it. She shouldn't have treated you the way she did. An man, you don't know how fast all her "friends" jumped to my aid. They hardly know me, but the second I told them what I needed help with, they dropped what they were doin an rushed outa school. Even the nerd. You know…what's his face with the lisp." Gamzee said to Tavros, trying to justify Vriska's treatment.

Tavros glowered, he was afraid to ask Gamzee what he did. He was nervous to go and see her," …even….Terezi….she's so nice….but…."

"She actually was the meanest. Somthin bout justice the whole time. She was probably the angriest at her." The blond stated as he stopped in front of the store.

"Well….Vriska was the one who accidentally made the science experiment explode in Terezi's face…" Tavros said, still not making eye contact with the taller male.

"Exactly. She had the best reason to do what she did to the bitch." Gamzee said to Tavros, tucking his hand under the small teen's chin, pulling his face up so he could look at him," ask Rosa if you can have today off. Ok? I'll up and take you to see her. She'll be happy to see her little mohawked chew toy." Gamzee's tone was bitter but he lightly pecked his lips and pulled away," now go ask her."

Tavros let out a long sigh and turned, entering the store. He didn't log into the computer, just walked past it and traveled back to Rosa's book repair station," hi Rosa…"

"Oh hello dear. Careful, don't move to fast. I have pages laid out that are drying." She said, looking up from the page she was working on, large round, magnifying glasses on her face.

Tavros jumped a little," jeez Rosa I hate those glasses! They catch me off guard and make you look like a bug!" He said with a giggle, standing in the doorway so he didn't have to worry about scattering the pages.

The lean woman chuckled and took the spectacles off," sorry honey. What do you need?" She asked setting them carefully next to the text.

"Um well….one of my friends is in the hospital….and well I wondered if I could have today off…to see her…" Tavros asked, hoping she'd buy it.

"You have a female friend?" Rosa asked raising an eye brow at him. She knew Tavros didn't really have any friends. She knew he was antisocial, especially around females.

"Um…yeah I do…she's well….a friend from school?" Tavros said trying to come up with anything that the woman would buy, because he knew that she knew that something was up.

"Really now…Tavros I know when you lie to me. Tell me the truth please? Or. Is this something I shouldn't know? Would you like me to simply say, ok dear, have fun and be safe?" She asked the fidgeting boy.

"Yes please…I'll tell you when….everything calms down….ok?" He begged her softly.

"Alright then. Have fun. Stay safe. You can have today off." Rosa said to him kindly. Tavros could easily see through the kindness and read the worry on her face.

Tavros nodded though and turned, hurrying out of the store," ok Gamzee. Let's go."

Gamzee smirked and patted his back, leading him to the hospital. On the way, neither of them said a word, the both of them worried of what they'd say to each other. Gamzee even started regretting hurting Vriska. What if his act of kindness toward the boy was taken the wrong way? Actually, he knew it was being taken the wrong way. May be he should've just scared the girl. Terezi was right though. The bitch needed to be brought to justice. In any way possible.

Finally the two arrived at the hospital, Tavros quickly left Gamzee's side and hurried to the front desk," hi I'm um, here to see Vriska Serket. I'm her friend. I need to see her now."

The receptionist looked at him and nodded, looking through the computer," hmm. Ah yes. Here we go. She's in room 67 on the A floor." She said to him with a smile.

Tavros nodded and hurried to the elevator, closely followed by Gamzee. Once in the elevator he pressed the A floor button and looked at Gamzee," wait outside the room ok? She'd probably terrified of you."

"I didn't really do a lot to her. Just tied her up and let her "friends" do the rest." Gamzee said smirking at Tavros as the elevator dinged, stopping at its selected floor.

Tavros looked down and nodded, walking out slowly," ok….stay outside." He mumbled, walking down the hall, counting the rooms as he went. He stopped in front of 67 and let out a long sigh, pressing his hand to the wood of the door, pushing it open. He glanced at Gamzee ad quickly knocked on the frame of the door," Vriska? It's Tavros. I'm coming in ok?"

"GO THE FUCK AWAY YOU STUPID WHIMPY DOUCHE!" Vriska shrieked from the hospital bed.

Tavros yelped a little and jumped, the yelling catching him off guard. He looked at Gamzee, but turned away from him and walked in anyways. He slowly walked up to the bed and looked down at the glaring girl.

Half of her head was bandaged and her left arm was slung tightly across her chest. Her visible eye was swollen and barely open and her lower lip was stitched in several places. Another long series of stitches were under her visible eye. There were rope burns on her visible wrist and around her neck. Tavros just, stared at her. He couldn't say anything so he just stared. She looked awful. Brutalized. Terrified.

"So you just came here to stare at me. Tavros just leave. Why the fuck did you even come here. You're the reason I'm in here!" She snarled, but her snarl turned into a choking noise when her visible eye drifted past Tavros to see Gamzee standing in the doorway. A dark look sat on his painted face. He slowly shook his head at her and flexed one of his hands.

Vriska glanced back at Tavros and stared up at him," I…I…I…" She stuttered out, her visible hand shaking and gripping and un-gripping the sheet under it," sorry…I…I'm sorry…ok? I said it. Now leave! Go away! I don't want anything to do with you!" Her shaking worsened and her heart monitor beeped a little as her heart rate rose.

"Vriska…shhh calm down….it….chill!" Tavros tried to reach out to her, to gently comfort her, but his hand was grabbed by Kanaya.

A bouquet of roses in her other hand, she let Tavros go and smiled a little at him," just leave her. She has no power now. She will leave you alone. I'll make sure of that." The tall girl said, petting his back a little," just leave. Leave her to me."

"What…um…ok…" Tavros turned and hurried to Gamzee. He stopped though and turned back to see Kanaya lean down and place a chaste kiss on Vriska's forehead," Kanaya…did….you do anything to her?"

Kanaya placed the roses in the vase on the nightstand and slowly turned to look at Tavros," I didn't have the guts. I wouldn't hurt her. I couldn't hurt her. Even when given the chance to take the mean words back. I couldn't. In my eyes. She was perfect, and didn't deserve a thing. She simply deserved pity. So that's what I gave her. I was the one to bring her here. I broke up the party Gamzee started. I was also the first to arrive though." She said in a hollow tone to Tavros," does that explain enough for you?"

Tavros sighed and looked down," yeah…it does." He smiled a little at her," thanks Kanaya." He said to her before quickly exiting the room.

Gamzee gave her a cold look and walked to the bedside," I'll be out in a second Tav. I'm just payin my respects. I'll meet you in the lobby. Ok bro?" Gamzee was answered with a small ok and rushed footsteps pattering away from the room. The tall boy then turned and gave Kanaya his cold look again, but turned and gave Vriska a colder one," you….you do anything to that kid ever again…..I will kill you. I fucking swear. I will motherfucking kill you." He smirked as tears rolled from Vriska's swollen eye," that's what I thought." He turned and looked at Kanaya," and you. You protect her. I lump you in the same category as her. Scum. You step out a line. I'll fuckin kill you too."

Kanaya's gaze narrowed and without hesitation, her leg slammed up between Gamzee's legs," I'd like to see you try clown. We all may have helped you tame and declaw the beast. Now though…now. We stand together to protect each other from you. The scum who would've killed her if I hadn't stopped you. The only reason we helped you was that we all had a common enemy. Now that she is out of the picture. We all look down at you with the same distaste we always had. Now leave, and stop whimpering on the floor. I thought you were stronger than that." Kanaya said darkly looking down at the crotch holding Gamzee," at least I can say that you do have genitalia now. How enlightening."

Gamzee glared at her and scrambled out of the room, cursing at her under his breath.

Slowly Kanaya walked around the bed and sat on Vriska's good side, carefully taking her hand," now get some rest love. You look exhausted."

The whole time, Vriska had just stared at Kanaya, admiration and love in her eyes. When she watched her hurt Gamzee for her, she made a promise to herself, that she could stop taking her friend for granted, and…if chance would have it, pursue her as something a little more than friend," thanks Kanaya. That's…that's all I can say…is thanks."

The model like girl nodded and with her other hand, started petting her tangled hair, humming a soft tune to her, lulling Vriska into a comfortable sleep.


	15. Karkat to the Rescue

Once out of the hospital, Gamzee combed the grounds for Tavros. It looked as if he had gone home by himself. He did seem angry with Gamzee when he left Vriska's hospital room. May be Tavros was trying to make a point? May be Tavros didn't want to hang out with him anymore…be in a relationship with him anymore. Gamzee's eyes widened and he started to pace in front of the hospital. His mind reeling.

He finally turned, mid pace and strode down the street. A dark look on his painted face. Fine. Obviously he wasn't meant to have a relationship. He was just some fucked up kid. Undeserving of happiness due to everything he'd done.

Gamzee slowed and stopped in front of a large reflective window. His blue eyes searching his reflection. For something. Anything. They grazed over his smudged, painted face. He looked tired. Drained. Beaten.

His hair was matted again, blood speckled it. Vriska's blood. He was a mess. May be he had scared Tavros? No. Who the hell was he kidding? Gamzee grit his teeth as he stared at himself," what the fuck are you looking at motherfucker?" Gamzee hissed out, his hand shooting into his pocket. He tugged four small pieces of paper from his pocket and stuck them in his mouth. Still staring at himself, he let the paper dissolve and he watched his world spin, his reflection morph and the landscape around him fade.

"W, what the motherfuck ARE YOU FUCKING LOOKING AT?" Gamzee yelled at his reflection as his brain fogged over, silencing his better judgment. In one swift motion Gamzee lashed out, smashing the window. He quickly turned on his heal and took off down the street.

He cried out as his world spun and everywhere he could see the sky, the clouds, the street, the building walls, eyes appeared. All scared and blue, looking at him. Judging him. Scared for him.

"Why did you do this? I thought you were getting off of this stuff! Gamzee! What did you do! Why did you do it! GAMZEE! ARE YOU OK? What the hell is wrong with you? You're pathetic."

The words rung through Gamzee's head and before he realized what had happened, he had fallen down into the small stream in the park where he and Tavros had gotten together. Gamzee scrambled under the bridge, his breath heavy as he rocked back and forth, staring at the blinking eyes and the swirling world. The words rang louder and the whispers deepened.

Gamzee felt as if his head was going to explode. He pressed his hands to his ears and shut his eyes tight as he screamed. Trying to blot out the eyes and the sounds," don't look at me! Don't mother fucking look at me!" Gamzee yelled, lashing back, smacking his head into the stone of the bridge wall, trying to bang the images out, he stopped though when a small, white haired boy jumped down and grabbed his shoulders.

"GAMZEE FUCKING STOP IT! SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!" Karkat. Karkat was close friends with Gamzee. He'd been for a long time. No one could really fathom why, but the two kept each other in check. When Karkat started cutting, Gamzee was there to smack him out of it. When Gamzee had a bad trip, Karkat was almost always there to snap him out of it as well. They were unlikely friends, but friends none the less.

Karkat pulled Gamzee up and slapped him hard," SNAP OUT OF IT!" The albino snarled, holding Gamzee steady.

Gamzee blinked and looked down at the short male," wha…" He wobbled again, but Karkat kept his sturdy grip on him.

"DON'T WHAT ME ASSHOLE. Come on. You can stay with me tonight ok? I'll sober your ass up and you get to go to school tomorrow. Ok? So deal."

Gamzee just stared down at Karkat and nodded, leaning on him a little.

Karkat rolled his lavender eyes and put an arm around Gamzee's thin waist, hauling him out of the ditch he was in. He dragged the high gangster down the street, talking to him every now and then about nothing really, just to keep him awake. Finally he led Gamzee to a nice looking high rise apartment complex. He took him up the elevator and to his apartment; he knocked on the door with his foot and yelled," SOLLUX OPEN THE GOD DAMNED DOOR!"

Almost immediately Sollux swung the door open and let Karkat drag Gamzee inside," jeez kk what did the cat drag in thith time?" He asked raising his eyebrows at the scene before him. The blonde shut the door and locked it, following Karkat and Gamzee," kk don't put him on the couch! He'th filthy! Take him to the thower!"

"Oh my fucking god Sollux shut the hell up! Stop your bitching about your stupid couch!" But Karkat obeyed the fussing blonde and dragged Gamzee to the bathroom. He helped the lanky teen into the bathtub and turned the shower on," You ok Gamzee?" Karkat asked as he started tugging Gamzee's clothes off," Sollux can you wash these?"

Sollux wrinkled his nose and held out a plastic bag for Karkat to put the clothes in.

"DAMMIT SOLLUX WILL YOU FUCKING CHILL WITH YOUR OCD FOR TWO SECONDS TO HELP OUR FRIEND?" Karkat snarled throwing the clothes at him.

Sollux yelped and stuffed the clothes into the bag," ok ok! Jeez!" He turned and hurried out of the bathroom, leaving the two alone.

"Gamzee what the hell is wrong with you. You told me last week you were getting off this shit." Karkat said as he washed Gamzee's hair.

Gamzee shut his eyes and sighed," dunno.."

Karkat rolled his eyes and cleaned his friend up, trying to snap him out of his high. Once he was clean Karkat turned the water off and drained the tub, drying Gamzee off," you're a fuckass you know. You make me worry too much."

Gamzee let out a long sigh as Karkat dried his skinny form," msorry…"

"Don't fucking apologize to me. Get your god damned act together. For you. For that whimpery kid. I had to do it for my health remember? And you're such a selfish fucker that you broke our pact." Karkat sighed and slumped to his knees," you promised me man…that you'd clean up when I cleaned up…" Karkat looked down and glared at the floor," you fucking made me a promise. So…if not for me. For that kid." Karkat snarled, standing again, tears streaking down his pail face," JUST FUCKING DO IT OK?" The albino yelled at the sedated teen in the bathtub.

Sollux hurried into the bathroom and pulled Karkat into a hug," thhhhh. Ith ok." He looked down at Gamzee and sighed a little. In the back of his mind he knew Gamzee was a lost cause. He knew he would never change, and here Karkat was; ready to rip himself to shreds over this worthless hunk of flesh.

Karkat pulled from Sollux and looked down at Gamzee," stop being a douche you hear me? FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOU! Why the fuck do you even think we all helped you with Vriska? Not because we all hate her. Well we kinda do. But we love you more. You're our friend. Our friend who may be high off his god damned rocker. But we love him none the less because he's always happy. Always there for all of us! You pulled me out of a fog. Let us do the same with you. Please?"

Gamzee looked up at the small teen, then at Sollux. His eyes narrowed when he saw the disdain in Sollux's eyes. Almost disgust. So he stood and got out of the tub. Walking across the apartment. He saw his clothes in the bag; he dumped them on the floor, which received a yelp from Sollux. He smirked at this and tugged the wet clothing on.

"Gamzee? What the hell are you doing? Gamzee!" Karkat yelled at him as Gamzee strode out of the apartment. He cared about his friend but he couldn't be around those two. He didn't want help. He didn't want to be sober. He wanted to see Tavros. He wanted to ask him what the fuck was wrong with him and why the hell he left him hanging.

Gamzee walked out of the nice neighborhood, as the sun set over his world. Darkening the streets and leaving Gamzee with nothing but bad thoughts.


	16. Kids Don't Do Drugs

Hi everyone! So sorry for such a long delay between chapters. I was moving. I'm mostly settled now so hopefully the writers block will go away! -shoots writers block- Thank you for all your lovely reviews! I love you all so much! I want to draw fanart for this story at some point. like sketch up how I see the human versions of everyone so you all can see clearer what I see when I write this. Also if you have any questions about the story or if you want to see the fanart I post eventually my tumblr is shrimpkitty

Feel free to look me up! I'll answer anything you want to know!

* * *

><p>Gamzee walked at a quick pace down the winding streets to Tavros' home. His thoughts plaguing him worse than usual as his high started to wear off. To remedy this he took two more papers from his pocket and let them dissolve in his mouth. He stopped for a second and leaned on a fence, heaving. Nothing came up though. He hadn't eaten in a long while.<p>

His body shook as he straightened up once more and continued his pace down the street. His eyes darting back and forth as he tried to tell himself that trees don't insult you.

He finally rounded the bend and entered Tavros apartment complex. He stomped up the stairs to Tavros' apartment and pounded on the door, waiting for the small teen to answer.

Tavros answered quickly and smiled up at the grim looking male," Gamzee! There you are! I was worried."

"You didn't wait for me."

"W, what?"

"You. Didn't…motherfucking wait for me. At the hospital." Gamzee hissed out, pushing past him.

Tavros looked a little nervous as he shut the door," I'm sorry. I had to get home and do homework! I had to feed Rufio! I didn't know you wanted to walk me home!" Tavros said walking over to him. He reached a hand out and pressed it to Gamzee's shoulder.

Gamzee grabbed Tavros wrist and in a second, slammed him to the wall," of course I fucking wanted to walk you home! You're my fucking boyfriend! I'm supposed to take care of you!" Gamzee snarled as he pressed his leg roughly between Tavros' legs.

Tavros' eyes widened, he felt sick, he didn't know what to do or what Gamzee was even doing, he just gripped the larger male's shirt and tried to push him away.

"You don't fucking kiss me! You're sputtering all the time! I feel more like your god damned baby sitter! Fucking act like my boyfriend!" Gamzee snarled.

"W, we haven't been going out that long! Gamzee you're hurting me! I've never been in a relationship like this!" Tavros whimpered trying to pull away," please stop!"

Gamzee didn't listen though. He slammed Tavros to the wall," What the fuck is wrong with you! Do you even care? So what if we haven't been dating for long? I've fucking loved you for years! I fell in love with you the second I saw you! Show me you love me! I need you to show it!"

Tavros started to sob as he tried to push Gamzee away," I love you! Isn't that enough! OW! Gamzee!"

The large teen leaned in and kissed Tavros roughly, biting his lip ring, his hands wandering lower to Tavros hips," show me motherfucker!"

Tavros' eyes widened and his tears came faster," is…is this the only way…I can show you I love you?" Tavros hiccupped into the kiss, shutting his eyes and gripping Gamzee's shirt.

"Yes now get on the fucking bed! NOW! STOP FUCKING SNIVVELING!" Gamzee snarled pushing Tavros to the bed.

Tavros never thought that this would happen. He wanted things to be sweet. To be gentle and kind. Full of love. This wasn't love. This was some stupid high Gamzee was in. Tavros was terrified so he obeyed the gangster at every turn. Giving himself to him fully. No matter how much it hurt.

He bit back tears left and right, shut his eyes and pretended the Gamzee he knew was over him. Loving him. Taking care of him. Making him feel good. Every sharp jolt of pain reminded him though that that was just a dream and that here and now was what was real.

He felt the other male orgasm in him. He then watched Gamzee leave without a word. Just a slam of his front door.

Tavros felt his heart break and he slowly stood, his legs shaking as he wobbled to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and sat at the bottom of it like he always did when he was sad. He turned his head to the kitten and said in a very soft voice," h, hang in there lil guy…you'll be able to make it through this."

He rested his head to the tile and shook, tears mixing with the shower water," god this really is all there is…"


	17. The Spring

Tavros didn't really walk straight for a week, and didn't really speak for two. He felt betrayed. Gamzee had broken his promise and left, like he did when they had first kissed. Though no matter the pain Tavros was going through, he still felt a need to find Gamzee and tell him that he loved him. Simply because well, he did, and for the fact that Gamzee was probably hurting even more about this than he was.

He was even quiet around Rosa. Luckily though, Rosa picked up on what was the matter immediately. She had sat Tavros down and told him that if she ever saw that boy again, she'd personally tie him down and violate him with one of her quills. Tavros really didn't want to see that so he tried not to look for Gamzee during the duration of his absence. He figured it'd just be easier if Gamzee came to him when he was ready. It was also nice to have some time to himself after all the chaos that had recently occurred.

The winter Season passed with nary a letter from Gamzee. The snow melted and the cold was replaced with the chill of spring. The snow was replaced by rainstorms and Rosa's coat was returned to its owner. Soon Tavros didn't have to worry about being too cold, and had simply taken to wearing a long sleeved shirt under his t-shirts. He liked the style and it was a lot cozier in the slight chill.

Tavros was happy. He liked the little bursts of sunlight and the newly blooming flowers. Spring had to be his favorite season. Everything was new. Whenever it rolled around he felt better. Rejuvenated. He also loved spring for the fact that every time it rolled around, he got to help Rosa clean out the bookstore and have a big sale.

People from all around the city came to buy Rosa's re-illuminated texts and the other treasures she hid away in the musty store. Well, no longer musty. The two would clean the store as best they could. The must was replaced by a clean flowery smell. That never lasted very long though. The second the sale was over and all the books went back on their shelves, the must returned. The two didn't care though. They loved the smell of old books.

All good things have to draw to a close though, as the rain got worse, the outside book sale ended and the store went back to normal. Tavros didn't mind though, he was happy with the store no matter what event came and went. So as Tavros closed the store after a good sale day, he smiled. After weeks of a silent, sad face. A familiar smile stretched its way across Tavros' freckled cheeks. He even giggled a little as he locked the front door. Once the store was shut good and tight, he turned around and started to walk off down the dark street, lightly sparkled with newly fallen rain.

Tavros shivered a little though as the rain started coming down harder. The more he walked, the harder it came down. Eventually pouring down on him in big fat drops, soaking and chilling him to the bone. As he walked though, he didn't notice the shadow he had. Cast by the streak lights and blurred by the rain.

Gamzee. Almost a shell of who he was followed close behind. Watching the boy with sunken dark eyes. His face muddled by the face paint running down it. He looked as if he was beaten up in the past few days. He wore no jacket, he did however, sport a bandaged arm, a limp, a bruised neck, a swollen lip and a black eye. Even in his state though he followed Tavros close, taking a good long look at what might have been. What could have happened? What could have been his if he wasn't stupid? That didn't matter though. He could never make up to Tavros what he had done to him. He felt filthy. He deserved no one. Especially Tavros.

He still followed though, almost wishing Tavros would turn around and see him. Run to him. Tell him it will all be ok and that he forgave him. That…would…Gamzee shook his head and just limped after the smaller teen. Praying he didn't turn around. Though the harder Gamzee prayed, the less he paid attention. Thus slamming his bum leg into a trash can, cussing as it clattered to the ground. He looked down for a second, but snapped his head back up to see if he had heard.

He did.

Their eyes met for a second, but Gamzee turned and began to run as fast as he could, not a word escaping his lips that wanted to scream how much he loved him at Tavros.

Tavros' mouth dropped open and he took off after the other male, calling out to him desperately. He begged the lanky boy to stop. He yelled that they needed to talk. He yelled and yelled but Gamzee didn't slow. He continued to run for dear life from the smaller male.

Tavros was close behind though, keeping Gamzee in site the whole time, calling out desperate pleas, trying to get the other to slow down.

He didn't though. Still he refused to turn and face the beautiful boy he broke. The kid he took into his arms and hurt. Every step hurt Gamzee more and more as Tavros begged him to stop. Gamzee wanted nothing more than to stop and embrace the other. He wanted to tell him everything that had happened. Everything he wanted to happen. Everything he regretted. He wanted to beg forgiveness and offer love in return. He wanted to say everything he had done to Tavros and everyone around him. He wanted to scream his lies to the sky and let the rain wash away everything he had done. The man he had become.

What Gamzee didn't know though was that Tavros was ready and willing to take him back in a heartbeat. He would help Gamzee erase himself and replace the lies with hope and truth. He would let him stay as long as he'd want. He'd help him get a job, go to school, clean up. It hurt him more and more every time Gamzee took another step away from him. It hurt him to the point where his tears stung his eyes and blurred the world around him.

So much so, that Tavros was unaware to the world around him. He ran blindly forward. Trusting the man he was chasing with everything. His direction. His safety. His life.

What happened next didn't register in Tavros' mind until hours after it happened.


	18. The Beginning Again

It's been a long run everyone. This story has kept me up to the wee hours of the night and straight on till morning. So I don't know how I can thank you all enough for keeping with me through thick and thin with this story. It's been tough spitting it out so fast but I'm a truly impatient person and I hate it when I'm left hanging. So that's the last thing I want to do to you guys.

Also Thank you for all your lovely reviews! I love reading each and every one of them! This chapter will be the great pause though. I apologize in advance but I'm going to take this time to probably draw some fan art for you all.

OH and this is not the end. There is much more to come. Trust me. The tragedy isn't over. So stay tuned! I also was thinking of doing little side stories. Like the one about Sollux and Karkat. I haven't really gone into much depth with them. So I'd like to. May be. I'm still thinking about it.

Anyways. For the fanart, stay tuned on my tumblr. I am again: .com

So thank you all again and enjoy the cliff hanger!

Peace!

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><p>Rain pattered down onto the dark grey concrete, quickly washing away the tears of a small teen who lay bleeding and broken in the streets. There was no pain. He felt nothing. Everything was numb.<p>

His breath was quick and the water around his mouth fluttered in and out against his red stained lips. What happened? It all seemed to go by so fast. He couldn't seem to place himself. Where was he? What happened? He slowly shut his eyes, blinking away the blood, tears and rain water that blurred his vision. His thoughts swirled like the blood and water that formed around his body. He heard the muffled sound of sirens and a dull screaming. Who was yelling?

Oh. It was his friend Gamzee. Why was he here? Oh yeah. He was chasing him. The teen blinked again and looked up at the lanky adolescent who fell to his knees beside him. Heavy sobs racking his gangly body. He watched as Gamzee threw his hands into his matted, blonde hair and cried out at the sky, then knelt over him, his tears falling onto his face like the rain.

The teen on the concrete blinked a little as the tears skittered down onto his face, why was he crying? The sirens got louder and finally stopped as people rushed around the two boys. The men in white coats scooped the downed boy onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. Gamzee was running now and the doctors were yelling after him. What happened? The boy on the stretcher racked his brain, when a pain shot through his body as one of the doctors moved his legs, and everything flooded back to him. How Gamzee had raped him. How he had gotten him in trouble. How he had beaten Vriska to a bloody mess. How he had promised him his love. How he had held him when no one else would. How he had taken him into his life, then ran from it. Over and over again.

Tavros was loaded into the ambulance, the lights around him focusing in and out due to the pain," Gamzee…" He whispered out before the doctors pressed a mask to his face and darkness overcame him. Silencing his troubling thoughts and memories.


	19. Karma

I'm back everyone! Back from overseas! So here are a few chapters for you!

I love you all. Seriously. Thank you for all the reviews and positive comments! Also don't be afraid to send me messages and comments on here or tumblr. I'm happy to answer questions, and I always respond to messages.

Also my tumblr is still: shrimpkitty

Thanks for reading!

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><p>Tavros didn't wake up for a long time. Well at least that's what the doctors thought. Truth be told. Tavros was awake for hours, just with his eyes closed. He just wanted to be left alone. And he was. Doctors came in every now and then to check his vitals, but besides that, Tavros just laid in silence, thinking about everything that happened. Then this happened. He let a tear roll down his cheek and he finally decided to open his eyes.<p>

Slowly he opened his heavy eyelids, a couple more tears coming from his bloodshot eyes. He sighed and scratched the side of his head, stretching a little. He felt…nice. Numb. Happy. That might just be the pain killers but he didn't care, he felt like he was on a cloud! He didn't hurt at all! He even smiled at the doctor when he walked in.

The doctor smiled a little at Tavros as he walked over. There was something behind his smile though that scarred Tavros. He watched the doctor closely as he came over and prepared a syringe. The doctor gave Tavros more pain killers and pulled the covers off him," hello there young man. I'm here to change your bandages alright?"

Tavros nodded in a spacey manner, the pain killers washing over him. He smiled at the doctor then looked down at what he was changing. He smiled for a long time as the doctor took his bandages off, but slowly his face fell when he realized what exactly he was looking at, or, what he wasn't looking at.

The doctor carefully un-wrapped two foreign stumps that came from Tavros' hips, they were short. What were they? Why were they covering his le...gs… Wait a second…where were his legs? What the hell! What the fuck were these nubs? He looked desperately at the doctor for an explanation. Anything. Please? What was going on? He couldn't seem to speak though. He only was able to manage a small squeak at the doctor.

The doctor smiled kindly at Tavros after cleaning the stumps," you're such a strong kid. It's admirable!" He then wrapped the stumps with clean gauze and pulled the covers back up to Tavros' chest," there you go kiddo! Need anything else? How bout I bring you some pudding? Yes I think I'll do that!" He ruffled Tavros' hair and left, whistling a little.

Tavros squeaked again and tried to reach for him, but he was gone faster than Tavros could whimper out," wait!" The now, much smaller teen pressed his hands to his head, starting to hyperventilate, what the hell happened? He remembered chasing Gamzee…he remembered sirens…the rain…what happened before that though? All he remembered was waking up on the concrete to Gamzee freaking out. Where were his legs? Why was he here? He didn't need to be here! He was just hallucinating on pain killers. Yeah. That's it. That's it. He'd stand up and walk out the door. Yeah. He'll show those doctors! He mimed swinging his legs out of the bed and tried to stand.

He crumpled to the floor and lay there, wondering why he wasn't able to walk. He whimpered lightly when he heard the doctor walk in. He heard scrambling and his body was soon picked off the floor and tucked back in bed," jeez kiddo! You just got out of surgery. You need to rest! If you need to get around I'll get a nurse to get you a wheel chair!" The doctor said sweetly, handing him the pudding cup," you like chocolate pudding?"

"Y,nnn….es…w, wha…." Tavros squeaked but was quickly stopped by a soft hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down young man. Don't want to strain yourself." The doctor chuckled and ruffled his hair again.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY LEGS?" Tavros cried out.

The doctor paused and looked at him for a long time. Unsure of how he should word this to the boy. How to tell him that he might never walk again, to tell him prosthetics were expensive and the damage to his hips probably wouldn't be able to support the false legs anyways? How was he supposed to tell this child before him that his life had basically ended before it had begun? Finally he opened his mouth to try and calm Tavros down, but before he could speak, Rosa, of all people, burst into the room.

"Oh my baby! My poor baby!" She sobbed, kneeling beside the bed. She wrapped her long arms around Tavros and cried into his shoulder.

Tavros just stared at the doctor, still expecting an answer. In fact he didn't even react to Rosa sobbing on him. He just grit his teeth at the doctor.

The doctor worried his lip for a moment and hurried out, saying as he left," I'll just leave you two alone."

Rosa nodded and composed herself, looking Tavros' bruised face over," my boy…how are you feeling?"

"How do you think I feel? Where are my legs? I want them back! Rosa! Please! I need my legs to work! I need them to walk to school! To climb to my apartment! I need them!" He begged the woman, but that only made her cry more.

Rosa sighed and wiped her face. She pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat in it, her eyes never once leaving Tavros. Once she was seated, she took Tavros hands in her own. Thinking on how she would word this. Finally she spoke. Her words were slow, and quiet. Tavros had to lean into listen to her.

"My dear. My sweet boy. You were…injured. In a hit and run incident. The police don't know who it was. It was raining and dark though so it could have been anyone. They probably don't even know that they hit you. Consequently it shattered your pelvis and leg bones. Your femurs were destroyed. The doctors set them as best they could. Though they had to remove most of the bone. Your calves were unsalvageable. They had to be removed so that you wouldn't die from infection. So…my boy…unless your physical therapy goes smoothly, you…you will be unable to walk. Again."

Tavros probably only heard half of what she said. All that registered in his mind was that he was fucked. Eternally fucked. Why. Oh yeah. Gamzee. He was trying to get Gamzee to stop. To listen to him. He wanted to hold him again. To tell him he forgave him. To tell him that he still mattered a lot to him and that he loved him. He would…always love him. No matter….what….the other…did to him.

The words rocked the sea of his mind. His eyes shot up to the ceiling, staring at the bland, pocked ceiling. He heavily fell back onto the bed, eyes wide, mouth clenched shut. Fists wrapped tightly around the sheets. He couldn't speak, he couldn't even shake. So much was lost. Because he cared for someone. For someone who didn't even deserve his love.

Tavros blinked a few tears down his cheeks. He did deserve it though. He needed it.

The boy was brought back to the room when he heard the door open and Rosa stand. He heard yelling but he didn't know who it was from, or who it was to. Who deserved it, but he blinked and slowly turned his head to look at what was going on. It was Vriska.

She was yelling at someone outside of the room. She seemed to have slammed the door on them. The girl smiled curtly at Rosa and walked over to Tavros," Hiiiiiiii Tavroooooooos! How are you feeling? Good I hope." She grinned and walked around the bed so that she was on the side across from Rosa.

Tavros watched her closely. Why was she here? What could she possibly want?

Vriska glanced at Rosa again and smirked," a little privacy please." She hissed through her teeth. Her green eyes piercing through Rosa like daggers.

Rosa was taken aback by the girl. She narrowed her eyes and left the room. Wondering what a weasely girl like that wanted with Tavros.

Once Rosa had left the room Vriska spoke slowly and precisely, her grin never leaving her face," You know what this is Tavros? You know why this happened? I think you do. I think you know why I'm here." Vriska said, slowly running her healthy hand down Tavros scratched and bruised cheek," this is luck Tavros. Your roll came and went. Then I rolled. Your numbers came up. Lame numbers. This was karma Tavros. Karma against you. You who got your little juggalo freak to rally everyone together to punish me. Well now it's your turn to pay. And I dare say you're paying royally." Vriska kissed the side of his head and stood, looking down at the dumbfounded boy below her," have a nice life love." She winked at him and strode out of the room.

Tavros fumbled and stuttered, not really trying to say anything. He just. Stuttered.

Rosa walked in and sat back down," what a strange girl. Tavros? Are you alright?" She asked petting his mohawk affectionately.


	20. Summer Time

The rain had stopped. The flowers had come and gone. Now summer reigned over the seasons, warming the frozen earth. Tavros was in the best mood he had been in all year. He had gone to the grocery store for the first time since his accident. In fact, it was the first time he had really gone outside since the accident.

During his recovery, Rosa had quickly moved him into the book store, converting the backroom into a bedroom. She even tried her hand at plumbing when she tried to convert the downstairs bathroom into a handicap accessible bathroom. She failed at it. Miserably. In fact she failed at it so horribly; she almost flooded the entire downstairs. The two had had to call a professional in immediately otherwise their books were compromised.

The problem was fixed though and the bathroom was remodeled. Tavros was happy he could get in and out of it. He even still worked at the book store. He taught himself how to climb the ladders even. In the first month he had worked immensely on his upper body strength. Now, he was able to lift almost twice his weight easily. He felt confident. Even if he didn't have legs, he felt able to function better than ever! Especially since Rosa had switched him to home school immediately after his accident.

He didn't have to deal with the high school drama. He was even thinking about college. Things were finally turning up for him. He hardly had a care in the world, and the pain from the operation was almost completely gone!

Now, Tavros rolled happily down the street, a small bag of groceries on his lap, the rest in his backpack on the back of the wheelchair. Rosa had sent him out to get ingredients for Ravioli. Rosa was quite the cook Tavros had learned. Often she made her own noodles and sauces. Tonight was noodle night. They were having spinach and cheese stuffed ravioli. One of Tavros' favorites.

When he went out though, on his way to and now from the store, he swore he saw Gamzee. Peering at him from around a corner, or a side alley, a cigarette hanging from his painted lips and a dead look on his face. Whenever Tavros turned to look at him though, he was gone. So Tavros wrote it off as just a figment of his over active imagination.

Something in the back of his mind though, wished it was him, watching over his newly crippled form. Tavros didn't blame Gamzee. Though Rosa thought he should. Even Sollux, who came in after the accident to see how he was doing, said he should blame the juggalo.

Tavros couldn't bring himself to hate him though. All he felt for the other male was pity. An immense pity that he couldn't really comprehend, and all it made him want to do, was hold the unhealthy teen and tell him he forgave him, and that everything was going to be ok. He, to his dismay, still wanted to be with Gamzee.

Many a night Tavros had even woken up from vivid dreams of the other male, gently kissing his lips or his neck. Carefully, as if he might break Tavros with the smallest touch. He even would dream of when Gamzee had tried to verify that Tavros loved him. His mind changed it though. He wanted to remember it gentle and loving. Though in the back of his mind he knew it wasn't and those dreams quickly turned to nightmares. Most of the time Tavros even woke up sobbing. He missed Gamzee so much. To the point where he thought something must be wrong with him. He concluded that it must have been some mild form of Stockholm syndrome. For the amount of pain Gamzee had caused Tavros, he shouldn't be missing him as immensely as he was.

Tavros sighed and pushed the thoughts from his mind as he rounded the corner and began to roll up to the bookstore. Before he got to the store, he turned, one last time and looked behind him. Almost, subconsciously, he saw Gamzee, walking away from him down the street. Tavros wanted to cry out, beg him to stay. He didn't though. He instead turned in silence and rolled to the bookstore.

Carefully Tavros rolled up the ramp Rosa had made for. He opened the door, his mind still clouded from his thoughts about Gamzee, and rolled into Sollux, who fell backwards into Tavros' lap with a loud yelp," agh! Oh hi Tavroth! How are you feeling?"

The skinny boy chuckled and stood, stabilizing himself on the counter, a small, toothy grin on his face. He fixed his hair and brushed his jeans off.

Tavros laughed," sorry Sollux! Ah! You almost crushed my vegetables!" Tavros said laughing more at the face Sollux made.

"Oh goth. Thorry about that!" Sollux flushed a little and laughed awkwardly, glancing down at Tavros' crotch, hoping he hadn't hurt him to bad.

"HE ACTUALLY MEANT VEGETABLES DUMB ASS." Karkat said, coming out of an aisle, a book on psychology in his arms and a familiar scowl on his pail face.

"He did? Oh…" Sollux laughed in an even more nervous tone and scratched his arm a little," my bad. Gueth where mind ith today! Hehehe…"

Karkat rolled his eyes and set the book a little harder than necessary on the counter, cussing as he recoiled one of his hands, a bruise already forming on the finger he had smashed.

"Owie! Are you ok Karkat?" Tavros asked," I could get you some, um, ice!" He smiled at the grumpy boy.

"I'm fine. You get used to it." He mumbled as he sucked on his finger.

Sollux turned and pulled Karkat's finger out of his mouth and gently rubbed the wound, looking down at the small boy in a loving manner. A loving enough manner to at least make the other boy blush deeply and press his face into Sollux's chest.

The blond laughed and rubbed Karkat's back," kk you're adorable."

"NO I'M NOT." Karkat snarled as Sollux let his hand go and instead, wrapped his arms tightly around the other, running his fingers up and down Karkat's spine. He turned them both so he could look at Tavros again," thorry bout that. Tho how are you?"

"I'm really, um, good! Uh feeling a lot better ya know?" Tavros said, rolling around the two. He set the bags on the counter and turned his chair to face them again. He smirked a little," you two are, um, really cute together." He said giggling a little.

Karkat snarled again and pressed closer to Sollux.

Sollux just laughed and kissed the top of Karkat's head," I think tho. Kk could dithagree. But he'th kind of a pethimitht."

"A pessimist? Yeah I can see that. He seems happy enough though! That's what counts right?" Tavros said as he turned his chair back to the counter so he could unload the groceries from their bags.

"Yeth. Thatth what countth." Sollux said, tucking a hand under Karkat's chin, raising the albino's head to look at him. The blond smiled down at Karkat and pecked the other boy's lips.

Karkat pulled away, his cheeks bright red. He sunk into his turtleneck," I'M WAITING OUTSIDE."

"Kk don't do that. You'll get a thunburn. Thorry love I know you don't like public thtuff but thith ith Tavroth. He'th cool." Sollux said, trying to calm the angry teen down.

Karkat fumbled with what to say, glaring daggers at his boyfriend. He calmed down though and sighed, finally uttering a slightly strangled," FINE," and leaned against the wall, waiting for Sollux to finish up with the bookstore so they could go home.

Tavros chuckled and finished unpacking the groceries. He paused once he pulled the last onion out though, and in a small voice asked," um Sollux? How…um how's Gamzee?"

"YOU SHOULD BE ASKING ME THAT. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND ALL. SOLLUX DOESN'T KNOW SHIT." Karkat butted in, obvious malice in his voice.

Sollux grinned and nodded, dramatically bowing out of the way as he went to look for more books.

Karkat rolled his eyes," drama queen." He smirked ever so slightly though as he turned his attention to Tavros. Once their eyes met, his smirk was gone. In place of it was his normal harsh look," he's doing awful. Almost every week, sometimes twice a week, I have to drag him home and force feed him. He doesn't eat. He doesn't sleep. He just limps by on those drugs of his. He told me though that he had left the gang. Sorta. The gang kicked him out. Told him he was using their stash. They actually told him to go and make something of himself. HA. THE DRUGGIES TELLING THE DRUGGIE TO GET CLEAN. Ha. Like that's ever going to happen. They still beat the fuck out of him. You know, to make him remember what he did, and who he was a part of. So he lives here and there. He won't stay with me. Sollux doesn't really want him around me anyways. I get…depressed when he's around. I do stupid shit. He's a bad influence Tavros. You should just forget him ok? Seriously. He's not worth it. At all." Karkat stated as he examined his bruised finger.

Tavros sighed," I wish I could help him…"

"HA! HELP HIM? YOU MADE HIM WORSE THAN WHEN I ME…" Karkat was cut off though when Sollux yelled from the back of the store.

"KK THUT THE FUCK UP!"

Karkat rolled his eyes again," Fine. I guess you gave him hope. But not a lot of hope. He didn't change. He couldn't change for me. He won't change for you."

"KK!" Sollux came from the isle and glared at his boyfriend," thatth enough. Theriouthly. Kidth been through enough."

"I'M TELLING THE FUCKING TRUTH!" Karkat yelled at Sollux, his fists clenched.

"Kk jutht calm down. Pleathe. Gamzee will do what he wantth. Thereth no changing that." Sollux said walking over to caress Karkat's cheek.

Karkat, almost reluctantly, leaned into the rubs," ok ok…"

Tavros sat in silence, staring at his hands in his lap. He didn't know what to say. Was Karkat actually telling the truth when he said that he had made him worse? How could he have made him worse. He feared the answer, but asked anyways, in a very quiet, very small voice," how did I make him worse?"

Karkat opened his mouth, but Sollux quickly put his hand over the other males mouth and said," thatth jutht the way Gamzee ith. You didn't do anything wrong."

Sollux yelped though as Karkat bit him and began to yell at Tavros," THAT'S NOT WHAT IT IS. Yeah I suppose you didn't do anything wrong. BUT THE STUPID FUCK GOT WORSE BECAUSE YOU LET HIM. He just latched onto you, like he latched onto me. Cept I got better! He didn't get better…" Karkat looked down for a moment, but raised his head, and his voice with double the malice than before," THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND THOUGHT YOU COULD ACT ALL INNOCENT AND SWEET AND SHOW HIM KINDNESS. THE DUMB FUCK DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH KINDNESS. He just ends up hurting everyone around him. He shouldn't even be alive today Tavros. You were just a rock to cling to in the stormy sea. CEPT THE PROBLEM WAS THAT HE CRUMBLED YOU AWAY. SUCKED YOU DRY. So it's best he hasn't seen you. He knows how destructive he is. He stays away from you for a reason. He doesn't want to hurt you anymore."

"B, but you're his best friend! You're around him and you're fine!" Tavros yelled back, tears stinging his eyes.

"HAHAHAAHHA! YOU WANT TO FUCKING CALL ME FINE? COOL. I get to prove a point." Karkat grinned and started to tug his shirt off.

Sollux grabbed him quickly and forced his shirt back on," KARKAT NO. Jutht, thhhh. Let me tell thith bit to Tavroth. Ok? Pleathe. Kk pleathe. I hate thith part but I do not want you to have to talk about thith again." The blonde said as he gently rubbed Karkat's neck, getting a couple tears in return from the smaller teen.

Karkat nodded though, and for the first time Tavros had seen, the albino wrapped his arms willingly around Sollux and clung to him tightly.

Sollux rubbed his back and looked at Tavros," firtht off, everyone hath their own problemth. Thome worthe than otherth. I have my own, but mine are mild in comparithon to you, Gamzee and kk."

Tavros nodded and listened, thinking it was really hard for him to understand Sollux's lisp, he listened anyways though, shocked by the story he was hearing.


	21. Karkat

Ok so just for this chapter (and for when Sollux talks a lot.) So everyone can understand him, cuz half the time I don't even know what the hell he's saying when I type his lisp. So for his big talking parts, I'm just going to type it normally and you can lisp in your imagination. :B

* * *

><p>Sollux started his story slowly, thinking about everything he said before he said it.<p>

"First off you have to understand where kk comes from, you see because he's albino, he has quite a few major health problems. His site is starting to leave him, he bruises like a peach and his skin tears at the gentlest of swipes. If he goes out into the sun he could actually get third degree burns from its rays. He also has respiratory problems and a weak digestive system. So he needs mandatory doctor's visits and a special diet. He also needs special sunblock and an inhaler." Sollux said as he carefully ran his fingers through Karkat's wispy white hair, pausing for a moment to think.

"You see his biological parents were very poor, and very young, when they had him. They weren't married, the mother was in high school and the boy didn't want to pay for a baby. The woman wouldn't abort him though. She believed he deserved a chance in life. By the way, I tracked these people down behind kk's back to find this out. He was pissed for a week but forgave me." The blonde grinned down at Karkat, who just hugging him tighter, listening to the story.

Sollux sighed a little and looked back at Tavros," so the mother gave him up for adoption. The problem was that no one adopts special needs children, well. Rich people do, but this was a poverty ridden area, and no one had the money to take care of him. So he was raised in the orphanage and the state paid the minimum for his medical. Once he got older he went through foster home after foster home as the state tried to place him. Almost begging families to take him." Sollux paused again and wrapped his arms around Karkat when he felt the smaller begin to shake.

"It got to the point where kk thought no one wanted him. That no one would ever want him. He…he cut himself often, and having such thin skin, it was easy for him to do…especially in large quantities. He wanted to die." Sollux stated, holding Karkat as close as he could without bruising him, silently telling him that he needed him and that he loved him.

"Karkat entered high school, bitter and angry at the world. Cursing everyone for having a smile on their face and a pair of loving parents. I met him through a tutoring course. One of his foster families took more interest in kk's school work than him as a person. They forced him to get a pier tutor. That was probably that luckiest thing that had ever happened to him. Heheh I remember that day." Sollux smirked and shut his eyes, remembering the memory fondly," Kk stomped into the room and sat down on the chair across from me and said to me, "HI THERE FUCKASS."" Sollux laughed and opened his eyes," I couldn't help but bust up laughing! Which just made him angrier! His face flushed and his fists clenched and he began to yell at me. I don't really remember what he yelled, but I do remember him punching me in the face!" Sollux grinned and lifted a hand from Karkat's back, lightly tapping his jaw," right here. Problem was, it hurt him more than it hurt me! He began crying out in pain and I was around that table in a second, holding his injured hand. Cooing little nothings as I yanked an icepack from my lunch pale, icing his bruising fist."

Sollux sighed happily and looked down at Karkat, who just hung onto him, not looking at Tavros," he shut up so fast and just stared at me. The rest, in sense, was history. What point was I trying to make? Oh yeah! Right so kk was friends with Gamzee before he had met me. They were kind of together, kind of not. Karkat hated touching and Gamzee was too rough. So they were just really good friends. During that time, kk was trying to clean Gamzee up. The two made a pact, that kk would stop hurting himself, and Gamzee would stop with the drugs. Turns out, it was harder than they both thought."

"Kk and I didn't get together for a while actually, and that made kk really depressed, because the poor thing fell in love with me the second I touched him without causing him pain. I was still wondering about my sexuality though. It's hard to know what you are when you have two dads. Do you be gay for them? Or straight? What I learned though, was that you're born a specific way, and it doesn't matter what way it is, it's right in your eyes and your parents eyes. So I talked to my dad's about kk and they poked fun at me, told me I had a crush on kk. Which was true. I…heheh actually, had way too many wet dreams about this one here. Mmm his pail skin, his lavender eyes, his voice…." Sollux laughed and yelped though when Karkat shot him a glare and pinched his side," ok ok sorry! I won't go into details. But short story is, I got kk to stop cutting. I helped him feel needed. My dad's sorta, adopted him? More like a ward though, less like a son. Cuz kk didn't want parents; he wanted to be free, but needed. He got that with me. Oh a little tidbit, I'm earning in the top 5% of the U.S.A right now. I help companies design antivirus software, heheh after I bomb them with an untraceable virus. Anyways though, I earn a lot of money, so I was able to pay for kk's medical stuff, and get us a nice little apartment away from it all."

"STOP TALKING ABOUT US AND GET BACK TO THE POINT ASSWIPE." Karkat grumbled.

"Aww kk you're so romantic." Sollux said with a grin," actually he's the most romantic person I know. He has this whole other half of a hopeless roma…OW! KK STOP PINCHING ME!" Sollux just laughed again though," sorry I keep getting off topic. Anyways, while things were finally going up for kk, things were going down for Gamzee. He told kk that he wasn't helping him enough to get off the drugs. Told him he was never there and that he was a bad friend. This happened though when Gamzee was coming off of some hard shit. So he wasn't thinking about how this was affecting kk. Kk relapsed and sliced himself up. I caught him. Told him to stop. No. I begged him to stop. Back to point though. Gamzee is self-destructive, he expects everyone to fix his problems for him. The psychology behind it is that no one took care of him as a kid, so now he needs someone to take care of him. The help he needs though, no one could give. Not kk, not you, not anyone. Hell even Equius tried to help him. Told him to get a hobby, like exercising, so that he could just lift weights when he wanted to shoot up. That didn't work. Kanaya tried too. She threatened him, in the gentlest manner of course, but it was a threat none the less. Gamzee didn't care though. All during this time span though, he was crushing hard on you, wishing you'd look up at him. Notice him." Sollux paused, wording things very carefully.

"He…felt that, you were as miserable as him. Misery loves company. He talked to me and kk about you. We told him to get clean and ask you out. That didn't work." Sollux sighed and absentmindedly rubbed Karkat's back as he talked," he started to...think that…hmm how should I say this. He thought that the higher he got, the closer you'd get. If you weren't tangible, he'd have you only in his dreams and trips. Then you let him in. He actually got clean for a bit. The problem is though, his mind is so far gone, and he's really unstable when he's off his drugs. I keep telling him to compromise. I keep telling him to just do pot. Just smoke cigarettes. Pot just makes you lazy and cigarettes just eat your lungs, problem is, Gamzee has an addictive personality. So if he does one thing, he has to do them all. He needs therapy. Rehab. I tried to pay for him to go, but he refused to go. Kk brought up intervention. I really don't think that would end well though." Sollux paused again and realized his hands had drifted low and were rubbing Karkat's butt. He raised them back up to rub his lower back, then smirked when he realized, his gentle rubs had put the tired teen to sleep. He looked at Tavros and said," oh jeez. Poor thing doesn't sleep well. So it's good he's asleep, I better take him home though. Just…Tavros? It's not your fault. It really isn't. Gamzee just…needs to have some sense slapped into him. I'm just shocked that this," Sollux gestured to Tavros' legs," didn't wake him up."

Tavros just stared at his hands, thinking about everything Sollux had just said. He slowly nodded then looked up at Sollux," um…th, thanks Sollux."

Sollux nodded and smiled kindly at Tavros, scooping Karkat up bridal style as he did so, and walked out of the store, leaving Tavros to his thoughts.


	22. Break Up?

After the conversation with Tavros, Sollux left the bookstore, Karkat sound asleep in his arms. He smiled softly down at the albino as he walked, happy that the teen was finally getting some long needed sleep, even if it was only fleeting.

His smile faded though and his pace slowed as he raised his head from looking at Karkat to look at Gamzee, who had fallen in step with Sollux. The hacker wrinkled his nose at the other male, Gamzee's pungent scent hitting Sollux like a train. He had been drinking. What Gamzee couldn't get drug wise, was replaced instead with heavy doses of alcohol and cigarettes.

"Hey computer bro." Gamzee said as he shakily pressed a cigarette to his thin, painted lips, lighting it. He took in a long drag. He then let out a shaky breath, quick and almost strangled, the smoke billowing around his thin face.

"Put that out. Thatth the latht thing Karkat needth ith your cigarette thmoke." Sollux growled quietly, the distain in his voice thick.

Gamzee sighed and stopped walking," c'mon man. I'm doin this so I don't do anything heavier right now. Lemmy have a couple drags then I'll put it out." Gamzee begged, taking in another deep breath of the smoke, blowing it out of his nose away from Sollux and Karkat.

"Ugh fine, but then put it out." The blond scooted away from Gamzee, holding Karkat a little closer as he did. His dual colored eyes staring daggers at the juggalo, if looks could kill, Gamzee would be beyond dead.

"Don't look at me like that man. I have enough shit to deal with without you hatin me too." Gamzee said in a raspy tone as he finished the cigarette. He took one last drag then put it out on the bottom of his shoe. The blond raised his shaggy head to look sorrowfully at Sollux before flicking the cigarette into the gutter," seriously. I've been cleaning up. I don't deserve your shit."

Sollux rolled his eyes," indubitably." His tone was laced with sarcasm as he shifted Karkat's weight again.

"Fuck man I don't even know what that means." Gamzee let out a heavy sigh letting his eyes fall to the ground, shuffling his feet slightly," you…you up and talked to him didn't ya?" Gamzee asked, stuffing his hands deep into his pants pockets.

"Who? Tavroth? The newly dubbed cripple?" Sollux smirked a little, raising an eyebrow when he saw Gamzee cringe and bite his lip. Good. It was obvious that Gamzee was miserable.

His figure was thinner than normal; each and every bone could be seen under his thin, sickly skin. He wore no purple jacket, and instead, sported quite a few purple bruises up and down his needle scar ridden arms. As he moved, his form seemed to quake, as if in a second he would fall apart, breakdown, or lose consciousness. He was a husk of what he once was, which in this case, was already a husk, so now all he was, was a bag of bones and a pair of sad, lost eyes that searched Sollux for some answer. Searched for some sort of fleeting possibility that Tavros missed him, needed him and wanted him back in his life.

Sollux scoffed," yeah I talked to him. Or whatth left of him. The poor boyth been through hell and back. You know what though? He actually looked happy." Sollux stated, his eyes narrowing as Gamzee fidgeted.

"Oh. And um…hows his legs?" Gamzee asked, jittering from withdrawals.

"What legth you moron?" Sollux snarled, his tone bitter as he rocked Karkat a little, trying not to raise his voice enough to wake the albino.

"Don't do this to me man…do you know how fucking shitty I feel for everything? I wish I could just tell him I'm sorry. Give him a backrub or something. I'm clean! I'm off my shit…Well most of it…I still drink when I can and smoke. And pot." He shrugged and drooped even more as he thought about the other shit he still did, the cheap shit. The gang had left him with nothing. Now he was a homeless druggy. Gum on the bottom of society's shoe. Nothing.

"Ha. Funny. You. Clean. Yeah no. I highly doubt that you pethtilent." Sollux growled," why don't you go and ask Tavros how he is yourself? I'm no methenger. I want to keep the little bugger thafe but I think Rotha hath that down."

"Fuck man stop using words I don't know. What the fuck is a pestilent?" Gamzee asked, feeling stupider and stupider around the intelligent boy. "And I can't just talk to him after what I put him through."

"Ignoramus." Sollux stated, a smirk twitching at the corner of his lips.

Gamzee glared," I said fucking stop. Why the hell do you treat me so badly? I didn't do shit to you!"

"HA! You hurt Kk. Which hurtth me." Sollux growled," why the hell do perniciouth people like you even exitht?" Sollux asked in a sharp tone.

Even though Gamzee had no idea what Sollux was saying, his words cut him deep, sitting heavily in his heart. He knew that was Sollux saying that Gamzee shouldn't exist. That he should just drop dead right then and there. He worried his lip and his fists shook, a single, frustrated tear fell from his blue eyes. He had nothing to say back to that. Nothing at all that would make him sound trustworthy, or even intelligent. Gamzee knew he was probably the stupidest thing that ever existed. He was unworthy of the air he breathed, the ground he walked on or the sun that warmed him. He was a wart on god's foot. Why hadn't he just rotted off? Why was he here to simply make a mockery of everything that could be good?

"Oh. You're going to cry now? Leave me alone you giant child." Sollux hissed, his words becoming more and more venomous as he spoke.

Gamzee opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off, by the scratchy, over used voice of Karkat.

"SOLLUX SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Karkat yelled, pushing himself from Sollux's arms, he fell hard. He winced and cursed as his skin was broken on his hands. He stood though, strong, clenching his bleeding fists and stood by Gamzee.

Sollux reached out, wanting to grab his hands and care for them, but backed away when Karkat snarled and lashed out at the blond, sticking close to Gamzee," kk what the hell!"

"WHAT THE HELL YOURSELF! STOP MAKING GAMZEE FEEL LIKE SHIT! HE ALREADY HAS TO DEAL WITH THE WORLD SPITTING IN HIS FACE EVERYDAY. HE DOESN'T FUCKING NEED YOU DOING IT TOO!" Karkat yelled, defending his long term friend.

Sollux glared," kk I have thtood by for too long and watched him make everyone mitherable. I am thpeaking up for you and everyone that he'th hurt."

"I CAN SPEAK FOR MYSELF YOU DICK HOLE!" Karkat yelled hoarsely, waving his hand.

Sollux flinched as little specks of Karkat's blood hit his face," kk. Let me fix your handth."

"DON'T FUCKING CHANGE THE SUBECT!"

"I'm not!" Sollux yelled back," you're bleeding really bad!"

"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK! I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK…of you. Of being babied. I can take care of myself." Karkat's tone wavered and shook as he finished his sentence," leave me alone. Leave me the FUCK ALONE!"

Sollux blinked; shocked, his lip shook and he opened his mouth, but was cut off by Karkat.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY A WORD! I don't need you! You and your stupid over protective self! I'm sick of you treating me like I can't take care of myself! I'm sick of you making my lunch! Fixing my wounds...holding me when I'm sad….kissing my goodnight…." Karkat wavered again, thoughts rushing through his head," I'm….I'm done Sollux. We….we need a break. Ok?"

Gamzee blinked and his eyes went wide," oh hell fucking no! I am not coming between you two! Karkat let Sollux fix your hands! I'll just fucking leave if I'm going to drive a wedge! You two are like the happiest fucking couple I know! The last motherfucking thing I want is to break you motherfuckers up!" Gamzee said, holding his hands up and backing away.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP GAMZEE! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE IN THIS MATTER!" Karkat yelled. He looked at Sollux and narrowed his eyes," respect people that aren't as smart as you. Or am I just a pestilent too?"

"No kk…I…" Sollux choked on his words, reaching out for him.

"FUCK OFF!" Karkat yelled, slapping his hand," I'm going with Gamzee for a while. You have no fucking say in the matter. I'm going to help him clean up, again, and help him talk to Tavros. While I'm gone, think about what you said to him." Karkat snarled.

"Woah woah woah! No bro! No fucking way! Don't I get a fucking say in this? Karkat I don't have a home! I sleep under the bridge in the park! That is no place for you and your fragile motherfuckin self!" Gamzee said turning to Karkat," fuck man I'm still not really clean! Bro you come with me and I know you'll start fucking hurting yourself again! I will not be responsible for any more scars on that body of yours! Fuck man I can get my shit together myself!" Gamzee said, turning, trying to hurry away.

"Then I'll sleep outside IN THE COLD YOU ASSWIPE!" Karkat yelled after him," I'LL GO AND FUCKING SLEEP IN AN ALLEY AND BE RAPED BY SOME HOBO!"

"KK THTOP!" Sollux grabbed Karkat's wrist and tried to hug him," stop acting like this! I'm sorry! I'll apologize to Gamzee! Come home and let me fix your handth, or jutht come home and do it yourthelf!"

"GET. THE. FUCK. OFF. ME." Karkat shoved Sollux as hard as he could.

Sollux stumbled back a little, looking helplessly at Karkat," kk pleathe! Change your mind! If you're fucking with me I thwear to god…"

"No…I'm not…." Karkat grabbed Gamzee's hand, holding it tightly," I don't need you…I don't want you…"

Sollux stood silent, dumbfounded.

Gamzee flailed a little and yanked his hand from Karkat's," NO MAN! Go back to your motherfuckin boyfriend! You need him and I don't need your motherfucking help!"

"YES YOU DO!" Karkat glared up at Gamzee," need me…FUCKING NEED ME DAMMIT! I NEVER SEE YOU ANYMORE! ALL YOU DO IS HIDE UNDER YOUR BRIDGE LIKE A FUCKING **TROLL** AND ROT AWAY IN SELF LOATHING!"

Gamzee stared down at him, shocked," Jesus fucking Christ Karkat! I'll come and visit you more! Ok? How about I stay the night and you can feed me something and we can watch one of your stupid motherfucking romance movies? I just want you safe ok? With me you're far from safe!"

Sollux nodded," YETH! Gamzee come over for dinner pleathe? I'll cook you and Karkat'th favorite lathagna!" Sollux begged.

Karkat looked at Sollux then up at Gamzee; he bit his lip and turned to Sollux. He let his eyes wander over the skinny boy for a bit, then walked into him, pressing his face against Sollux's chest," fine."

Sollux let out a sigh of relief," in fact. Gamzee why don't you jutht thtay with uth for a while. I'll help you clean up and talk to Tavroth."

Gamzee blinked and fidgeted a little," uh it's cool bro….I…"

"YOU'RE COMING OVER AND YOU'RE STAYING OVER." Karkat snarled against Sollux's chest.

"Ok ok! Fuck!" Gamzee rubbed his forehead and looked at the two," thanks…I guess….and Karkat. Don't you ever motherfucking do that again. Stay with Sollux. He's good for you."

Sollux shot Gamzee a thankful look and held Karkat close

Karkat nodded and sighed, nuzzling Sollux's chest," that fall hurt. My hands hurt….and I think I bruised my ass a little."

Sollux smirked," not yet itth not."

Karkat glowered," fuck you." His face was mad, but his heart leapt, happy that he didn't have to leave Sollux.

"Hehehe when, where and how hard?" Sollux asked, looking down at him.

"DAMMIT SOLLUX!" Karkat glared up at him and stood on his toes, crashing his lips into the blonde's, trying to shut him up.

Gamzee watched the two, his hands in his pockets again. He felt left out and alone. A stranger in this lovely pair's life. He left with them though. He watched as they held hands and joked. He was silent though, he couldn't say anything. Why the hell would he? What else was there to say? He sighed and his thoughts wandered to Tavros, wondering how he was, and how the two would help him talk to the boy.


	23. Couch Potato

"GAMZEE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT THE GOD DAMN FOOD! AND SHOWER TOO YOU SMELL LIKE AN ASHTRAY!" Karkat snarled from across the apartment.

Gamzee rolled his eyes and flipped him off. He sat on Karkat's couch, shirtless. In one hand he had a beer, in the other the TV remote. It had been about a month since Karkat took him in and he hadn't been very productive. No. That's an understatement. Gamzee had been completely and utterly useless. If anything, he was a wonderful couch warmer. He didn't do chores. He ignored what Karkat would ask him to do, he'd leave his clothes lying around, he'd make messes and not clean them up, and he'd go out of his way to piss off Sollux, because, as he had said to Karkat, it was really motherfucking fun.

"Hey bro I will in a motherfucking second. This shows motherfucking awesome." Gamzee said in his normal, lazy voice. The one good thing about being a lump on a couch was that he hadn't gone out for a few weeks, if only to buy cigarettes and booze. Karkat stopped giving him money though, so Gamzee had sold one of Sollux's laptops.

That didn't go over well at all. Sollux was about ready to kick him to the curb, but Karkat had begged his lover to let Gamzee stay. He told him that he'd crack down on the juggalo. Karkat had tried, and now it seemed that he was failing miserably. May be Sollux was right about Gamzee being a bad influence and just an overall bad person.

"NO FUCKING WAY. YOU'VE SEEN THIS EPISODE LIKE 4 TIMES YOU ASS! GET YOUR FAT ASS UP OFF **MY **COUCH!" Karkat yelled, stomping over to the lazy teen.

Gamzee blinked and turned his head, looking up at the smaller male," ok so maybe it's a rerun."

"!" Karkat threw his arms in the air," GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT. YOU. FUCK. TARD. WILL. YOU. TAKE. A. GOD. DAMNED. SHOWER. AND. DO. SOMETHING. WITH. YOURSELF. YOU'RE. PISSING. ME. THE. FUCK. OFF." Karkat hacked out each word, his fists clenching harder and harder. He was beyond sick of trying to motivate Gamzee.

Gamzee blinked at the albino and stood, brushing some chip debris from his boxers," man you need to chill the motherfuck out." He said with a smile. Another good thing about not going out for weeks on end is Gamzee only got high when he went out, which was about once a week, so by this time, he was almost completely sober, if not a little drunk at the moment, but he was in a wonderful mood at least!

Karkat grit his teeth at Gamzee and grabbed his beer from his hand.

"HEY! Gimme my motherfucking beer!" Gamzee snarled, grabbing for it.

Karkat, being much more limber than Gamzee, jumped backwards and pressed the drink to his lips, chugging it. Once it was all gone, he threw the can at Gamzee, laughing as it hit him in the side of the head," HA. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET! NOW GO SHOWER AND EAT DINNER. I need to finish my homework."

Gamzee smirked a little. Karkat had guts, he'd give him that. The juggalo turned, nodding as he walked to the bathroom. He should probably listen to the little guy more than he did. Oh well.

Gamzee entered the bathroom and dropped his boxers around his ankles. He looked down at himself; he had actually gained some weight. His bones still showed but at least his belly was a little distended. If anything, it was a small beer gut, so it wasn't really weight, but Gamzee was proud of it.

He turned the shower on and stood in the spray until it was hot. The tall adolescent turned the heat down and turned the face the spray, pressing his face and shaggy head into the water. It had been about a week since he showered. He was so used to not showering that he didn't really know what to do with a shower on a regular basis.

Slowly, Gamzee removed his head from the water and grabbed a bar of soap that sat idly on a shelf in the shower. He began to wash himself, letting his thoughts wander. They wandered to an all too familiar subject.

Tavros.

He hadn't seen him in the month he'd been with Karkat. He tried to muster up enough courage to talk to him again, but that fell flat as quickly as the desire came to mind. Gamzee didn't know what to do, or how to do it for that matter. He'd stood a block away from the bookstore, a bag of booze in one hand and a cigarette in the other. He'd stand for hours on end, his cigarette burning uselessly down to the butt, his beer going cold. Even after hours of standing silently, he still wasn't able to walk that block and talk to the boy.

Gamzee would always end up turning back around, choking back tears and walking home.

Gamzee sighed and sat down in the shower, letting the spray wash over his bony body. His thoughts were wild and the pain in his chest grew the more he thought. What the hell was he doing with his life? He stopped going to school. He didn't have a job. He was getting clean at least…but besides that he was useless. Completely and utterly…useless.

"FUCK!" Gamzee snarled slammed his fist against the tile.

Sollux jumped at the sound and rolled his eyes," kk I think your friend jutht had an epiphany."

Karkat sighed and got up off the couch and walked into the bathroom. He knelt slowly down on the other side of the curtain," Gamzee? You ok bro?"

Gamzee sobbed heavily, and in one sweeping motion, threw the curtain aside and hugged Karkat tightly, practically pulling him into the tub.

The albino squeaked and slowly held him back," GOD DAMMIT GAMZEE!" His tone softened though when he realized Gamzee really was sobbing on him. Slowly Karkat pulled from the juggalo and stripped down.

Once naked he climbed into the tub with the other teen and hugged him under the spray. To anyone else it would look like Karkat was blatantly cheating on Sollux. Though to the two, this was normal. When they were younger, they'd sober up in the shower, just holding each other. Telling each other in silence that everything would be ok and that things will get better. Now after so many years, here they were again, holding one another under the hot water, telling each other that everything would be ok.


	24. Eridan

After their touching moment in the shower, Gamzee dried his hair, shaved and got dressed again. He reached for the face paint on the counter, but was stopped by a pale hand.

"He's not going to like kissing face paint Gamzee." Karkat said in a soft tone. He knew Gamzee was going out. The Juggalo had shaved. Most of the time Gamzee just let his blond stubble grow in, not bothering with it for weeks on end. He only really bothered when he was trying to impress someone, or look less like a hobo.

Gamzee nodded and let the paint go," do I up and smell ok?" Gamzee asked as he tugged the t-shirt he wore in a flustered manner.

Karkat laughed," Gamzee you always smell bad.

The teen's brows furrowed.

"KIDDING! Jeez get a sense of humor. You smell fine asswipe." Karkat said with a smirk, walking out of the bathroom, still stark naked.

The corners of Gamzee's mouth turned up slightly as he left the bathroom. He tugged his shoes on and left the apartment, leaving the lovers to their _activities. _

Eyes glue to the ground, Gamzee followed his feet to the bookstore, figuring Tavros would be there. Where else would he be? At the store….maybe he should go back….

Gamzee turned about face and began to walk back to Karkat and Sollux's apartment. He stopped himself though and did a 180, almost stomping off to the bookstore. He was determined. He could do this. He was strong.

"Hey. Gamzee! Wwhy haven't I seen you at school?" A familiar and rather nasally voice called from behind him.

Gamzee rolled his eyes as high as they could go and he turned around," hey motherfucker. Just didn't want to go and all." He said, lifting his eyes from the ground to look the hipster over.

Eridan stood, leaned against a telephone pole, his pompous scarf tossed nonchalantly over one shoulder. An arrogant smirk adorned his face. Gamzee couldn't stand him. His stupid thick glasses, his stupid streaked hair, his stupid green eyes, his stupid scarf, his stupid shoes, his stupid face. Gamzee hated it all. He had almost punched the asshole on many occasions. Once, he actually did. It was in math class.

Eridan was babbling on and on and on about how Gamzee should shower and how he himself had miraculous hygiene and blah blah blah. The fact of the matter is; Gamzee punched him. Broke his glasses and gave the teen a black eye for two weeks. Gamzee got suspended for a week for that.

He didn't regret hitting the other boy though. In fact, most of their group wanted to hit him. Especially Sollux. Eridan on multiple occasions sexually harassed Sollux in the dressing room. I.E. snapping his ass with a towel. The two even went out for a week. Sollux, by the end of the week wanted to strangle him with his scarf.

He was needy, whiny, clingy, passive aggressive and his accent was weird. Normally his accent was tolerable. Put it in a sexual context though. Sollux whined to Feferi for hours how," oh god Sollux please don't stop oh god nyeh ah Sollux keep doin that oh god that's really good nyeh." Got really, REALLY annoying. Feferi had told Aradia, who had told Karkat, who had told Gamzee. Gamzee gagged when he heard it because then he pictured the dumb hipster naked and under someone. That thought would forever be burned into his mind.

In reality, and outside of everyone's skewed opinions, according to Eridan himself, he was a lovable boy who just wanted someone to cuddle with. Honestly, Eridan wouldn't be all that bad, handsome and sweet even, if he would get some self-confidence and give himself a chance. Eridan had always been handed everything. His father was rich and basically raised Eridan with a silver spoon in his mouth.

The only problem was: this love was entirely conditional. Eridan had to be _perfect,_ flawless in the eyes of his father. He had to do sports and get straight A's. Eridan wasn't the most colorful spoon in the toolshed though. In other words, his intelligence was probably the most average in the group. He struggled with the simplest of math. He almost blew up the science lab during chemistry class and couldn't write an essay to save his life.

He also was very un-athletic. This wasn't his fault though. Eridan had chronic lung problems due to his father. Eridan's father had smoked around him since he was born. Eridan had, over time, developed a rather surprisingly severe case of emphysema. Topped with hereditary asthma the boy didn't stand a chance with sports. He tried. Oh he worked his little heart out at everything.

In football, he not only got 3 concussions, but broke a leg and an arm. In soccer he somehow kicked himself in the face, knocking himself unconscious. In track and field he threw his arm out doing shot put and javelin throwing. He couldn't run. He hardly could lift weights and his sight was so bad he could hardly track a tennis ball and even though he couldn't swim, he tried out for the swim team. He almost drowned. It was as if this kid was cursed from birth.

Being born of a hooker this was understandable. His father liked to fuck around and Eridan was the product of his misdemeanors. He still had hope though and everyday he'd get up from bed. Dress in his pathetic clothes with his pathetic scarf and pathetically thick glasses. He'd go into his bathroom and fix his hair and try to smile at himself. Try to tell himself that he was loved and wanted, but when he'd go to school he was the friend no one liked. Everyone just kept him around for a good laugh. Oh haha look at the pathetic hipster dude. No one loves him.

No one would give him a chance. When they did, he was so scared that he'd fuck up, so scared that they were only doing it to humor him. He'd give them gifts and give them tender kisses and write them poetry. This was written off as needy and clingy though. He couldn't do anything right. Nothing.

Depression, for him, was replaced by bitterness and arrogance. He started hating the world. His hope left him and all he wanted was to see the world with his "friends" burn.

"Wwell you should really go. I miss talkin to ya man. You wwere one of the feww that I actually liked." Eridan said smiling more sincerely. He straightened up and began to walk over.

Oh god. No. Don't come over here. He likes me? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck go away motherfucker," hey man I'm kinda in a hurry." Gamzee said, gritting his teeth as Eridan approached.

"Aww really? I thought you an me could go get food or somethin, I'm payin!" Eridan offered, desperate for any attention from the last person who was vaguely nice to him.

"No man I mean seriously I'm in a motherfucking hurry." Gamzee said, starting to back away.

Eridan continued to approach though," please? My treat…I mean seriously we haven't seen each other in wwhat seems like forever!" Eridan begged, his smile starting to fade. He finally stopped and looked at his shoes," you don't wwant to hang out with me do you?"

Gamzee stopped backing away and looked over the boy in front of him," no. I..uh really don't motherfucker. No offense man but you kinda weird me out." Gamzee stated.

"Oh. Wwell then. I uh…Ok…I suppose…yeah…sorry then…" Eridan managed to barely choke out the last couple words. His hands shook and his tears fell onto his thick glasses.

Gamzee rubbed the back of his head, shit," shit man I didn't mean to upset ya! Hey it'll be ok. Why don't you hang out with Feferi?" Gamzee offered, trying to brighten the subject.

"She told me I wwas a disgrace and that she nevver wwanted to see my stupid face again." Eridan stated. In his bag, was his graduation cap. Today was graduation. He was an adult now. As a graduation present, Feferi finally let him have it.

"Oh. Uh well how bout…uh….Equius?"

"Broke three of my fingers last month an told me to stop rough housin wwith him. He told me it wwould be best if wwe didn't speak anymore."

"Oh. Uh Nepeta?"

"She hates me. She told me I smelled like a gym sock at the beginnin of the year and said I should leave evveryone alone."

"Ah. Uh how bout Vriska! You two had a thing didn't ya?"

"HA! Fat chance man. She set my car on fire at my house wwhen she broke up wwith me."

"Oh…Aradia? Tavros? Kanaya? Terezi! Terezi likes everyone!"

"Aradia doesn't speak to anyone, especially me. Who's Tavros? Kanaya hates my fashion sense an told me to drop dead. Terezi….it's complicated. She doesn't wwant me around either."

Gamzee rubbed the bridge of his nose as he looked over the pathetic teen," well shit man…uh…Karkat? Sollux?"

"…..wwhat the hell do you think?" Eridan asked, raising his head to look at the juggalo.

"….oh….shit man…you're kinda putting me on the spot here! And no offence dude but I don't really want to hang out with you either. Not right now at least!"

"Not now. Not evver." Eridan's tone wavered as his green eyes searched Gamzee for an answer to it all. Why? Why him? Why did no one like him? He tried so hard. He kept trying too. Kept trying to be that friend that everyone loves, that everyone goes to. Tears streaked down his face and he clenched his jaw," fine. I'll just fuckin leavve evveryone the hell alone! No one wwants to fuckin be around me anywways. Wwhy the fuck do I evven exist?" Eridan yelled at Gamzee.

Gamzee rubbed the back of his head, why did he always have to put up with the nutters of the group? He was starting to get pissed. His eyes panned over the pathetic hipster in front of him an apparent look of disgust on his face. His face and heart fell though, when Eridan did something he didn't expect.

Eridan, in one smooth motion pulled a gun from his bag, and pointed it at Gamzee. He had fallen into hysterics. His breathing was rough as his asthma kicked in, clenching his throat shut.

"WOAH MAN! DON'T FUCKING POINT THAT AT ME! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH A GOD DAMN PRICK?" Gamzee yelled, standing his ground, this wasn't the first time he'd had a gun pointed at him; he knew how to handle this. He knew Eridan didn't have the guts to pull the trigger.

"Fine." What happened next, Gamzee wasn't prepared for. He had never witnessed this.

Eridan pulled the gun away from pointing at Gamzee and instead, pressed it into his own mouth. His entire form shaking.

For one last moment green met blue. A desperate, disgraced, defeated look crossed Eridan's eyes and at that, he pulled the trigger.


	25. Run Away

Bang.

Silence.

Blood.

On the concrete.

Gamzee stumbled back, a hand over his mouth as his eyes searched the picture before him in shock; searching for any chance to revive the obviously dead teen before him.

He didn't know what to do or what to say, all he could do was collapse against the building behind him and listen to the blaring sounds of the sirens as ambulances and police cars surrounded the scene.

All he could hear though was the blood pounding in his ears.

He couldn't even hear the officers trying to get him to talk, he didn't even realize that his body was shaking as much as it was until the officers wrenched him to his feet; he collapsed again against the concrete, his eyes locked on Eridan as his body was covered by the paramedics and quickly lifted into the ambulance.

The juggalo was lifted again and a blanket was wrapped around him as he was helped into a police car. He wanted to fight, he wanted to run. If they ran his file there would be so much shit on him that he'd be in juvy before he could prattle off his full name! He had to go he had to go now.

With all his strength he blindly and deafly ran from the car, discarding the blanket as he ran. He vaguely heard the cops yell after him as he fled the scene. It was all he could do. It was all he ever did.

Run.

Gamzee ran from everything.

His childhood.

His fear.

Himself.

His only love.

His life.

And so he continued to flee, refusing to accept the shouts and the blood that he had on his hands now.

If he had just went with the stupid hipster, maybe he'd have lived another day, maybe he'd have become someone, maybe he'd have married someone who actually loved him, maybe he'd have become something and made his father proud.

Gamzee could maybe forever but the poor boys blood was still splattered over the concrete. His memory of Eridan's sad face burning a hole through his mind; destroyed in seconds by the gun in his mouth.

Finally Gamzee slowed to a stop, his chest heaving in and out as he leaned against an alley wall, his body shaking violently as he began to sob, his arms holding himself tightly.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do now?" Gamzee sobbed to himself as he shook, lost at where to go.

"Karkat…" Gamzee mumbled as he stumbled back to Karkat and Sollux's house.

He slowly trudged the path that he knew by heart, finding himself in front of the apartment complex.

"Mm home Karkat." Gamzee said in probably the most subdued tone Karkat had ever heard.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU CHICKEN OUT?" Karkat retorted from the couch as he flipped channels, his other hand tangled in Sollux's hair; the blonds head rested in his lap.

"Eridan is dead." Gamzee said as he slumped into the arm chair adjacent to the couch.

"YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN TALK TO THE KI….WHAT. Wait what?" Karkat blinked in confusion.

"Yeah, what?" Sollux asked as he lifted his head from Karkat's lap to look at Gamzee.

"Eridan. Is. Dead." Gamzee choked out each word as if for every word, another stick was shoved under his bitten to the quick nails.

The couple stared at him not sure what to do with the information that was just given to him.

"When…how…." This was Sollux, who stood and walked over to Gamzee," WHAT HAPPENED?"

"God fucking dammit don't you fucking yell at me motherfucker!" Gamzee snarled, pressing his hands to his ears.

"Jutht tell me what happened Gamzee!"

"WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH?" Karkat asked, glaring up at Sollux.

"Oh don't you fucking thtart kk. He wath our friend. He'th dead now!" Sollux said.

"He up and killed himself. Just like that."

Sollux's face fell and he slumped to the floor, staring up at Gamzee," he….killed himthelf. I….he…" Sollux hung his head and for the rest of the night, not another word was said. Karkat didn't even have a retort to something like that.


	26. Funeral

The funeral was held on a Sunday.

The sun shone brighter than on any day that summer, yet the grass still smelled like the rain from the night before.

It glistened as the once twelve walked over it; solemnly they walked single file, refusing to make eye contact, a red rose clutched in every hand. Except for Tavros he rolled behind them all, his rose rested in his lap; his eyes locked on the cloudless sky and the canopy of trees that cast long shadows over the graveyard in the early morning.

Slowly they all gathered around the mahogany casket, silent except for Feferi, who sobbed almost uncontrollably; hiccupping lightly between sobs as she held her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle the sounds she made.

Gamzee lingered to the side, glancing at Tavros, who still stared at the sky instead of the casket and the people around him. The others almost huddled together, taking support from each other in the only way friends could in this situation.

The group only wore black; even Terezi adorned a long black dress and veil in memory of him. They all knew that Eridan would want the most dramatic and picturesque funeral. Everyone in black, the wind blowing lightly through the trees and silence through the world.

It was Vriska who walked forward first, a red rose clutched tightly in her unslung hand; slowly she placed the rose on the coffin and began to speak.

"You were stupid. You were so fucking stupid." Tears slowly ran down her cheeks as she spoke each word through gritted teeth," I thought you were so cool. I wanted you so bad. I needed you. I needed to hate you, but there isn't a word for that is there….not even love fit what I felt for you. I didn't know how to handle you. You needed me to acknowledge you….all you did was beg me to stay…you were perfect….and I set your car on fire…" She let out a strangled laugh as the tears rolled faster down her cheeks," I'm sorry Eridan. I didn't want you to go out like this. All I wanted…I…I don't know what I wanted for us…Well…I guess now I don't have to make that decision do I? Thanks…I guess…" She said bitterly as she stepped back into the crowd.

There was silence again, except now not only Feferi was crying; she was joined by the sobs of Nepeta and Vriska.

Sollux was next. He walked forward and set the rose on the coffin, chewing his lip the whole way, fighting back the tears as he walked. Slowly the blonde pressed his hands to the coffin; he shook as he leaned, trying to keep himself from falling over," I take back everything. You were wonderful. Funny. Creative. You jutht needed uth to give you a chance….and we failed. I failed." Sollux straightened up, trying to stay as strong as possible, but his emotions failed him as tears fell onto his black sweater vest.

Silence once more.

Aradia walked up next; she placed her rose and turned away, leaving the graveyard completely. She never said a thing; she just stared forward like she always did.

Nepeta watched her go, and then approached the coffin herself, putting her rose with the others," you laughed at my cat puns. You took the time to realize they were funny. I'm sorry I told you to go away. You were always nice….just clingy….but nice." She hiccupped and turned to go to Equius, but he was already there behind her, leaning forward to place the rose on hers," I mistook your advances on Nepeta. You just wanted a friend. You were strong at heart. Weak in body. I admired you for that." He then put a hand on Nepeta's shoulder and went back to the circle.

Kanaya pursed her lips and almost drifted up to the coffin. She looked down at the bundle of roses with an almost disdainful look. Her expression softened though when a single tear ran down her long elegant nose," I hated your fashion sense. But even you gave me tips on hair." She smiled a little and went back to comfort Vriska.

Terezi blinked a little and after hearing no one move, she tapped forward till her stick hit the coffin. She stopped and reached out a delicate hand as she felt where to put her rose. Once it was safe with the others she grinned down at the coffin," everything happens for a reason. But this even to me wasn't fair. You didn't deserve this. Thanks though. For that time…" Her smile faded a little as she felt the sadness of the others hit her like a wave," that time…you told me that my painting in art class was beautiful…that time when you told me that my use of colors was wise because they complimented each other perfectly…." She swallowed and turned; Vriska actually reached out and led her back to her spot.

Karkat glowered at the ground as he approached the coffin next," hey…I…guess I never really talked to you. I told you to fuck off. But….we did have that fun conversation over that dumb web game we played together….ha….you wouldn't fucking stop…..you wouldn't stop killing those fucking angels. THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU ANY EXPERIENCE YOU ASS!" Karkat snarled through a sob," YOU FUCKING DUMB ASS YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME! I just wanted you to play the fucking game right….you probably did it to piss me off…." Karkat shook his head and went back to lean on Sollux.

Gamzee kept an eye on Karkat as he walked up to the coffin and almost tossed his rose onto the others. He bit the inside of his cheek and sniffed. His clown makeup was already streaked with tears; he wasn't going to streak it anymore, not now. Not when the others were watching. So he turned without a word and stood next to Karkat.

Feferi was next, because Tavros was too caught up in a cloud that drifted across the sun, temporarily casting a shadow across the casket.

The usually chipper girl walked forward and tucked her rose in with the others," Eridan….Eridan I'm so sorry….I love you so much….I didn't mean it…I wish you were hear….I want you here next to me….I didn't actually want you to leave…I'm so sorry…..I didn't mean it…I didn't mean it I swear….." Feferi said almost incoherently through her sobs. Kanaya had to reach forward and pull her back, hushing her and rubbing her back.

Tavros blinked and lowered his eyes to the casket, finally rolling forward. He reached up and set his rose with the rest and spoke," life is really fragile….you know a guy one day then he's gone…you and me…we uh…didn't really know each other…but I knew you. You um…seemed really confident from afar….I…I uh…kinda wanted to be like you….not dead…but um…you know what I mean. I just really wish I'd talked to you….cuz uh…I really liked you….but yeah…" Tavros lowered his head a little and started to roll away from the funeral, he didn't like being around so many sad people.

At the edge of the graveyard, near the road, a man sat in a limo; smoke billowed out the window. He looked almost identical to the boy in the casket, except for the two thin scars that carved their way across the man's gaunt face. When he saw everyone starting to disperse, he motioned to the driver, and took off into the morning; flicking his cigarette into the moist grass he rolled the window up and rested his head in his hands, trying hardest not to cry for his late son.


	27. SIR DON'T CHASE ME WITH A BROOM

hey everyone! sorry its been a little while since i posted the last chapter.

i keep saying ill post more frequently and ive been trying to do so!

and ive been failing miserably!

i hope you all still love me.

anyways, im not sure whats going on with this site but ive hear the good the bad and the ugly, so just in case i have created a tumblr account just for this story! now you can ask questions or submit things and have all the chapters right at your fingertips!

the site is: you-are-my-sunshine-part-1 . tumblr . com

and yes. fun fact. THIS IS ONLY PART ONE.

the next part will follow karkat and sollux instead of gamzee and tavros.

also thank you for being patient with me with chapter updates!

i love you all!

* * *

><p>A sunken faced figure stared back at Gamzee.<p>

Slowly the juggalo lifted a hand, as did the figure before him, placing a hand on his own face. They both blinked and they both frowned.

Gamzee turned away from the mirror and walked out of the bathroom," motherfucker I aint feelin so hot."

Karkat looked up from his computer," you look fine to me." He said bluntly and looked back down to his screen.

Gamzee rolled his eyes and lumbered over to Karkat and sat next to him," no seriously. I feel so…stuck in a rut."

"Well obviously. You haven't left the house, AGAIN. For like a month and a half. Gamzee you either need to get your sorry ass back to school or you need to get a job. I know Sollux takes care of everything but you need to help out too!" Karkat grumbled as he clicked on a link.

Gamzee nodded and leaned back against the couch, staring at the ceiling," how's he doin by the way?" Gamzee asked in a hushed tone.

"Sollux? What the hell are you talking about?" Karkat asked, turning to look at the blond.

"I'm talkin bout how he's been since the funeral." Gamzee said slumping forward, cocking his head towards the albino.

"OH. THAT." Karkat shut his laptop and thought for a moment. Slowly he picked the computer off of his lap and set it next to him," he hasn't been very…talkative. I'm honestly worried. I've tried to talk to him about it but….he's pretty unresponsive. He's said a couple things about it…like…how he wished he'd given the douche more time. But shit, that just makes me jealous….." Karkat rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

Gamzee nodded and stood, heading for the door," I'm trying again. You want to come with?"

"What with Tavros? Man I thought you'd have given up by now." Karkat stood and stretched a little," No. I'm staying here to deal with Sollux. You get the stutterer to talk I'll get lispy to talk." Karkat said smiling a little, it faded though as he walked into Sollux's office, hoping that he could somehow pull his lover out of his funk.

Gamzee quickly hurried out of the apartment; shutting the front door with a little more force than necessary. He hurried down the stairs and down the street, hoping that he wouldn't run into any more mishaps on his way to finally talk to his favorite stuttering friend.

As Gamzee walked on though, his pace slowed and thoughts filled his head.

He shoved his hands into his pockets; practically dragging his feet as he thought about the last time he tried to go talk to the boy.

Bang.

Blood.

Gamzee shook his head, trying to clear the image from his mind.

He dreamt of it though. It haunted him. Whatever he did, that image lingered at the very back of his mind. The look on Eridan's face plagued his every waking moment, and tortured him during the night.

Gamzee stopped and scratched the back of his head. Letting out a long sigh he raised his eyes from the concrete, blinking with surprise.

He was already across the street from the bookstore.

Nothing was happening.

The sun was even out; birds were chirping.

It was as if the world passed Gamzee and Eridan by. Like the world didn't even care that the boy had shot himself. That it didn't even care that Tavros had lost his legs.

It was funny.

Gamzee felt so small, for being so tall.

He pressed on though and quickly hurried across the street, his eyes glued to the doorknob of the bookstore the entire time.

Once he reached the door he shakily opened it.

Though the second his head raised to look in the shop, a book flew inches from his face and hit the wall beside him.

"I thought I told you to never come into this shop?! OUT!" Rosa snarled from behind the counter.

"OH SHIT! SORRY BRO!"

"I am not your bro! Miscreant!" Rosa soon was hurrying out from behind the desk.

"SHIT WELL SORRY SIR! MA'AM!? MISS?! FUCK STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME!" Gamzee yelled as he slid into the bookstore and hid behind a bookshelf," I just want to talk to Tavros!"

"NO!" Rosa yelled as she grabbed a broom from the corner of the store; rushing at Gamzee with it.

"FUCKING HELL MOTHERFUCKER DON'T CHASE ME WITH A BROOM!" Gamzee yelped loudly as he was hit repeatedly with said broom.

"Rosa! Rosa no! Stop it!" Tavros cried out as he rolled in from the back room.

Rosa glowered down at the teen but stopped hitting him and slunk back to the counter to put the broom away," Tavros I want him out. You know how I feel about him."

"I know I know just gimme a minute." Tavros said. He wasn't really stuttering. He spoke rather clearly actually and the way he shot a glance at Rosa seemed almost….strong? Confident?

Tavros turned his head and rolled out, pushing the door open with the front of his wheelchair and one strong arm. Once outside he leaned back in his chair and watched Gamzee hurry out of the store," sorry, um, about Rosa."

Then there it was again. The stutter, the mumble. What was that in there just now? Gamzee shook it from his mind and looked down at Tavros," you…uh you up and look healthy bro."

"Um…thanks. You…uh kinda don't." Tavros said leaning his chin on the palm of his hand as he looked Gamzee up and down.

Gamzee shuffled his feet," yeah…I don't really know what the motherfuck I'm doing anymore man…" The juggalo said with a long sigh.

"Why did you come here Gamzee? Um, what's your real reason that, uh, you came to see me?" Tavros said jumping right to the chase. He had a small frustrated crease in his forehead as he talked to the other teen.

Gamzee bit his lip and locked eyes with Tavros, not quite sure how to word things," I well…wanted to know…what are you an me? We had something…"

"Then I got hit by a car. Then you didn't talk to me. THEN YOU LEFT. THEN YOU NEVER CAME BACK!" Tavros began to yell, if he could stand he'd be beating his fists against Gamzee's chest, but the best he could do was grip his arm rests and prop himself up a little taller," you made me feel so alone…the things I heard about you were from Sollux or Karkat…I…just don't…Please don't….I um…I just…um…uh…want you….to…uh…" Tavros fumbled over his words as he sank back down into his chair.

Gamzee didn't expect what came next. The words were so simple, but they cut him to the core and left his heart to bleed.

"Go away."


	28. Martial Arts

"Go away."

The words stung.

They turned Gamzee's blood cold as the words shot up his spine and finally registered in his brain," go away?"

"YES! Get out! Go! Leave! Like you did before! Just leave me alone! I'm doing so good here! I have a job! I'm going to school! I even got colleges offering me scholarships! I have my whole life ahead of me!" Tavros explained in a desperate tone, begging Gamzee to understand. His words were strong again, clear. No stutter, just strength.

"I've been seeing a physical therapist even. He's my counselor too…he's taught me to never take shit from anyone. He's really cool….I talked to him about to." Tavros looked down and sank back into his chair," wanna know something funny? He has the same name as the fish you gave me….but anyways. He told me that I'll do what I think is right. He told me love will find a way, but he also told me that you can't love someone else unless you love yourself."

"I've learned to love myself. You haven't though. Have you?" Tavros asked, staring up at Gamzee, trying to make eye contact, but the boy wouldn't look at him, so Tavros continued.

"Vriska loves herself….I've…actually been hanging out with her…thinking about rekindling things. She's strong and she helps me feel strong too…"

Gamzee swallowed hard, he didn't realize until now that his fists were clenched and his knuckles were white. Slowly he unclenched his fists," and you're happy with that motherfucker?"

"Yeah. She's changed since you beat her up. She really has. All of us have changed since Eridan's death. Me, Aradia, Vriska, Terezi and Nepeta have been hanging out. They're really fun to be around. They've been giving me advice too. We…..we were able to cheer Aradia up even. Remember how she was so quiet all the time? Like she was dead? Well we got a hold of her and dressed her up all pretty, borrowed some red clothes from Terezi…she's beautiful. She saw herself and just cried. Since then she'd been nothing but happy. I wish you were that easy…"

Gamzee glowered at the cement then slowly raised his head to respond, but as he opened his mouth, he was interrupted by a very familiar voice:

"Taaaaaaaavros!" Vriska called out from down the street.

Gamzee clenched his fists and teeth, turning to look at her.

With her was Terezi, tapping alongside her, a big smile on her round face," hey Tavros! The group wants to meet to play again! You free?"

Gamzee's face darkened and his eyes widened as anger boiled up inside him. All he wanted to do was get Tavros back. Why did everything have to happen when he was trying to do that? WHY?! WHY COULDN'T HE JUST GET HIS LOVER BACK?!

Tavros looked up and Gamzee and felt his stomach drop," G, Gamzee? You ok?" He asked slowly.

Finally Vriska and Terezi arrived next to them," so what's your answer Tavros?" Vriska asked, her good hand on her hip. Her other arm was bound in a brace, still injured from when Gamzee beat her up.

"He's….not…going…anywhere." Gamzee choked out as he turned his dangerous eyes to look at Vriska.

"Fuck off juggalo!" Vriska sneered at him," let Tavros be his own man!"

"Vriska don't." Terezi urged, starting to back away from Gamzee," he doesn't smell right."

"I don't care about your nose Terezi! The fact of the matter is that this fuck head needs to leave Tavros alone! Can't you tell he doesn't want to be around you?" Vriska said cockily to Gamzee, a wide smile on her narrow face.

Gamzee stayed silent, just staring at Vriska as if she was a piece of meat and he was a starved lion.

Vriska wouldn't waver though, she kept talking and insulting and nagging and jabbing. Terezi stayed silent, her face blank as she continued to slowly back away. Tavros just watched in horror as Gamzee slowly raised his hand and grabbed Vriska's face, squeezing hard.

"OUCH WHAT THE FUCK?! PUT ME DOOOOOOOOWN!" Vriska snarled, trying to bite his hand.

"No motherfucker. Not this time." He said through clenched teeth as he put his other hand on her neck, prepared to break it.

There was a moment where everything was still, all attention was on Gamzee and no one knew what to do.

WHACK.

Gamzee let Vriska go and stumbled backwards, his eyes turning to glare at Terezi," WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Terezi stood in a half moon stance, her cane outstretched and now a little bent," back off or I'll hit you again. This isn't fair. Vriska can't defend herself, she's still to hurt from you almost killed her."

"You almost killed her too motherfucker." Gamzee yelled as he advanced on Terezi.

Terezi let out a slow sigh, her blank eyes fixed on Gamzee," she deserved it then. Now she doesn't. You deserve it more. Leave her alone."

Gamzee ignored her and grabbed the end of her cane, yanking hard.

Terezi smirked and let herself be yanked, in one fluid motion she twisted her cane out of his hand and sent her palm rocketing into Gamzee's chest, once he started to stumble back she whirled where she stood, using the momentum to crack her cane against the side of his head, knocking him to the ground. She ended in a crouching tiger stance, her now very bend cane arched above her head, ready to knock him down again.

"Whoa." Tavros said, eyes wide.

"Hehehe yeah sorry, I've been taking martial arts." Terezi said as she straightened up," I smell blood though…I think I hit him too hard. Sorry bout all this Tavros, we'd better go, we'll hang out some other time ok?" Terezi said as she felt over to Tavros to kiss the side of his head," good luck with this asshole! I need a new cane." She grumbled then felt over to Vriska," carry me home!" Terezi demanded as she jumped onto the taller girls back," MUSH!"

"GOD FUCK TEREZIIIIIIII! Fiiiiiiiine." Vriska grumbled and started to walk Terezi home.

Tavros held out a hand to them though and squeaked," b, but what do I do with…." But they were already gone," Gamzee….." Tavros sighed and looked down at his knocked out friend," may be you do deserve another chance…oh I don't know! Tavros what the hell are you saying? URGH!" Tavros held his head, shutting his eyes tight.

He sat there for a little while, calming himself down. Slowly he removed his hands from his head and looked at Gamzee. He did love him. He was worried about him, he was just afraid. Afraid of the future and honestly, afraid of Gamzee.


	29. Forgiveness

thank you all for being so patient with me!

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><p>For once, Tavros' noisy mind was quiet. He thought of nothing as he stared at his juggalo friend; after 30 minutes of dragging and grunting, Tavros managed to get him inside and onto his bed.<p>

So now he stared, unsure of weather to wake the boy up or just let him stay passed out.

Slowly he twiddled his thumbs; the smallest bead of sweat worked its way down the side of his head. His lower lip quivered and his eyelashes fluttered.

Finally the thoughts came, flooding into his brain; consuming anything that was there before.

His twiddling increased and he quickly began to worry his lip in-between his teeth. What should he do? Wake him up, kick him out, wake him up, let him sleep, leave him there, get Rosa.

Tavros choked back tears as he bit his lip harder. He wanted to fix things, He felt like he needed to fix things. He still cared about Gamzee, and it was obvious that the taller boy still cared about him. He just, didn't want to be hurt again. He was in to fragile a state for someone to trample all over him like Gamzee had done before.

The mohawked boy's thoughts traveled away from the negative for a second though as he remembered, however short, the good times. Gamzee getting him Rufio the fish (who still swam happily in circles, around the bowl that sat on the nightstand.), the blue flowers, the times Gamzee stayed up with him, sat with him, cheered him up.

Though the bad times still stung in Tavros' eyes, weighed on his soul and kept him up at night. He couldn't just forget what had happened. He couldn't just let everything go in one big acceptance speech. He needed to talk to him. Tell Gamzee his grievances.

But how?

Would he listen? Would he actually take the time to consider someone other than himself? What if he did? Would they go back to normal? Would they go back to being the same way they had been? Or would Gamzee still prove to be the unreliable drug addict he had been in the past? Was he really the bad guy?

Tavros pushed all the thoughts from his head and wiped his eyes. He slowly took a deep breath and reached out to Gamzee, shaking him gently," Gamzee….um…hey…Gamzee? You...um…feeling ok?" Tavros asked in a soft tone as he gingerly brushed the juggalo's hair out of his face.

Gamzee let out a groan as he sluggishly lifted his hand to his head," fucking hell. I am never up an pissing that girl off again. Fuck." Gamzee pulled his hand away and looked at the blood on his hand," shit…bro…can you do me a favor and get me a wet towel or something?"

Tavros nodded and wheeled his chair to the bathroom, quickly returning with a moist towel for his friend.

Gamzee smiled a little and took it from him. Slowly he dabbed the spot with it, hissing a little at the pain," ow fuck. Well I think besides the skin, she didn't do much damage. But shit bro…she hit me hard."

Tavros nodded as he looked over the spot, it was already turning a lovely purple color now that the blood was wiped away. It looked painful," do you…um...feel ok?"

"As good as I'll ever be with a giant motherfucking goose egg on my head." Gamzee groaned as he handed the towel back to Tavros.

Tavros picked it from Gamzee's hand, dangling it out away from him, his nose wrinkled a little. He didn't like blood much. He quickly disposed of it in the hamper across the room. He quickly rolled back to Gamzee, his eyes fixed on him as the juggalo sat up.

"So…we get to finish our talk?" Gamzee ask as he turned his lazy eyes to look at Tavros.

"Yeah…I guess so…" Tavros mumbled as he began to twiddle and fidget his thumbs again.

There was a moment of silence as they both waited for each other to speak, both of their mouths slightly open as they stared at the ground. Waiting. The air was thick with their tension. They both listened to the clock on the wall, each other's breath, the soft splash of water from Rufio's bowl.

Gamzee quickly took the initiative, for he knew that Tavros could never really start a serious conversation and he didn't want to burden the poor thing with that, "Well…what should we do bro? I…want to fix things…like…up and go back to the way we were. I…I know it'll never really be the same you know? There will still be that shit we both had to wade through. Just waitin for us there. Up and rearing its motherfucking head when we fight." Gamzee lifted his eyes from the floor and looked at Tavros," but I think we can do it…I think we could overcome this…if…if it's ok with you. I…I know I can. I feel like a shit head asking for this. I'm just….so sorry. I'm so sorry I put you through this….I…I didn't fucking mean for this to happen…I just….fuck…I just ruin everything I touch…I didn't ask for that though. I really just want to show you how much I care. I want to prove to you that I can be your friend and your partner. I want you to see that I do care and that I need you…but I don't expect you to accept me apology…I wronged you bro. I really did."

There was a pause, where they both listened to the sound of the world slowly turn under them. It felt like a century waiting for Tavros to reply. Waiting for him to decide.

Tavros took in a shallow shaky breath as he lifted his eyes from the floor as well. He locked them with Gamzee's and said in probably the smallest voice you'd ever hear," I forgive you."


	30. Seizures

happy holidays everyone! hope youre enjoying my story!

i enjoy each and every one of your wonderful comments!

and have no fear, this story is far from over. if you have suggestions or ideas, please send them to my stories tumblr! you can submit ideas or questions at:

you-are-my-sunshine-part-1 .tumblr .com

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><p>It's said that if two people are meant to be together, they are linked by a red string tied to their pinkies. The string can stretch and shrink, it may become thin or even brittle, but it will never break. For two people that are meant to be together, never really leave each other.<p>

It felt like a century until Gamzee finally responded to Tavros' small voice. He himself couldn't speak. Instead he slowly stood from the bed and took a step towards the small, quivering boy.

The gloss in Gamzee's eyes was obvious as he fought back tears," m, may I?" Gamzee asked in probably the most formal manner Tavros had ever heard from the other boy. As Gamzee asked, he raised a hand gingerly gesturing to Tavros.

Tavros nodded, almost leaning up towards the other male, encouraging advancement.

The juggalo leaned down, gently lifting Tavros' chin as he closed the gap between the two.

Both of their breath caught in their throats as their lips met after such a long time waiting. In that second, the world stood still. The kiss filled their heads and ears and left nothing but quick heart beats and shallow breaths.

It surrounded them both in a red, velvet ribbon of warmth and comfort and only drew them closer together.

Gamzee's hand drifted from Tavros' chin and brushed over the soft fuzz on the side of Tavros' mohawked head. His other hand pressed flat against the seat of the wheelchair, supporting his leaned over body from falling.

The smaller boy nuzzled against his hand as his own smaller digits gripped onto Gamzee's shirt, tugging him down a little more.

As the kiss came to an end Gamzee pulled back and looked down at his lover.

Tavros' eyes were still shut, his eyelids fluttering lightly. His hands still were raised as if he was still gripping Gamzee's shirt, and his pierced lips were still puckered.

Gamzee grinned down at the little mohawked boy," you're really motherfucking cute right now."

Tavros blinked, looking down quickly then back up at Gamzee, a light blush spreading across his lightly tanned cheeks," I…um…I missed hearing stuff like that…"

"I up and missed kissin that cute face of yours." The lanky boy purred as he sat back down on the bed.

Tavros bit his lip a little, and then scooted closer to the bed; he put both hands on the bed and hoisted himself onto the bed. As he landed he let out a small squeak of pain, rubbing his hips once he was settled on the bed.

"You ok bro?"

"Yeah…it's just every now and then, when I hit my hips really hard it hurts really bad…" Tavros explained as Gamzee reached over and began to run his fingers over Tavros' hips.

A thought hit Gamzee's mind. He felt terrible for it, but it still hit him. Could the both of them even make love anymore? Or would it hurt Tavros to much?

Tavros examined Gamzee's face, a curious expression on his own," you ok? You look…sick?"

Gamzee shook his head quickly and kissed Tavros' forehead," I just….I don't know man…are…are you able to like….have sex anymore?"

Tavros' expression fell," oh…I…never asked my doctor….I…um…didn't...uh…feel it was that important."

Gamzee swallowed, he could feel his ears and cheeks burn. He felt embarrassed and humiliated, why did he bring that up? How could he bring that up!?

"Is…is that all our relationship is?...just….sex?" Tavros lowered his head. He watched the tears cloud his vision. The flash back hit him hard as he thought of what Gamzee did. All he wanted was to have Gamzee hold him. That's all! Sex would be nice…but…that's not all Tavros wanted. He just wanted a good relationship, a loving relationship. A partner…

Gamzee's heart fell into his stomach. He wasn't going to let this go wrong again. Why did he keep fucking up though? He always fucked up…it was as if that was all he could do.

The juggalo thought little about the next move he made. All he wanted was to do something right, so he acted. Instead of over thinking, he threw his arms around Tavros and held him as close as he could," no. No, no no….Tavros that is not what I want with our relationship! I just don't want you to be in motherfucking pain! It hurts me to see you hurting! I just…all I want is for you to feel good…just...let me let you feel good…may be not now. I know I up and went back on my motherfuckin words…last time…but…fuck I want to make up for that. I want you to tell me when and where. Shit man I'd do it anywhere anytime with you! As long as I can make you feel good. Not hurtin. Ok?"

Tavros nodded a little as he pressed his face into Gamzee's chest, finally the tears came," thank you….please….please don't do those things to me ever again…please…I just want to love you…"

"Don't beg. You deserve so much more…so motherfuckin more. You deserve to be showered in affections and good karma and everything…Eridan…Eridan dyin right in front of my motherfuckin eyes….well….opened them. It shoulda hit me when you were hit. But….fuck…it didn't…I don't know why. It just….finally hit me…life….life is fragile."

Tavros raised his head from Gamzee's chest and looked up at him," thank you."

Gamzee nodded and kissed Tavros' forehead once more before he carefully let him go, standing," I better up an get goin. I need to talk to my bro Karkat. Ok? I'll come and visit you tomorrow." He smiled and started heading to the door.

"O, ok! Um…thanks for coming by. I'm really happy you did."

Gamzee nodded and quickly left the bookstore, trying to avoid Rosa at all costs. He felt good though. He felt like he had just swum though a sea of sharks, and made it out alive.

He breathed easily as he walked back to Karkat's, his hands, instead of being stuffed in his baggy pants, swung freely by his sides. His normally drooping head and shoulders, drooped a little less, and instead of staring at the ground, he looked forward. He almost hummed as he walked.

As the juggalo rounded into the apartment complex, he blinked a little, surprised at the presence of an ambulance.

It's lights flickered round and round in front of the large building. A small group of people that lived in the complex were outside; watching, worried or curious expressions were exchanged as they spoke to each other.

Gamzee approached them, and asked," what happened?"

"You know that computer genius? Apparently he had a seizure!"

The doors of the ambulance slammed shut and it began to drive away; the sound made Gamzee's head turn and his eyes widen as it began to depart.

"WAIT! KARKAT! SOLLUX! WHAT THE FUCK?!" Gamzee yelled and began to run after the ambulance. Even if it didn't stop, he knew what hospital it would be going to, he'd get there. He'd make sure his family was ok.

Why couldn't things just be right for once?


	31. In Fates Hands

I'm so sorry for such a long wait in between chapters! I've been having a lot of trouble with my college courses and health. Now that my courses are gropped though I will be able to update more hopefully! Again, sorry for the wait! I love you all and thank you for reading!

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><p>Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.<p>

The repetitive sound bounced back and forth in Karkat's head as he sat next to Sollux. His head rested on his hands as his eyes flicked over Sollux's still body.

The blonde was unmoving. After the doctors had stabilized him they had explain to Karkat that they couldn't wake him up. He was in fates hands, not theirs.

Karkat was being surprisingly brave through all of this though, he hadn't shed a tear the entire time. he even spoke calmly, without yelling when he called 911.

He didn't even flinch when Sollux started speaking funny and fell to the ground, holding his head in pain. Now he thought, this mind swirling with ideas, good and bad. He was shocked at how mature he'd been, how well he handled things. The albino was scared though, scared that he may never wake up. That he wouldn't be able to hear his voice again.

Karkat fought back tears as his eyes focused on Sollux's pale face and chapped lips. Luckily he was breathing on his own, but who knows what will happen next.

Without warning, the door to Sollux's room swung open as Gamzee strided in, panting heavily from the run. He looked at Karkat with nothing but pity as he shut the door behind him," y, you doin ok bro?" Gamzee panted out, walking over to the smaller teen.

Karkat felt disgusted by the pity, revolted even. He took it though, and understood why he was receiving it. Though he was sick of it, he'd been pitied his entire life. Since he was a baby all he received was pity. Fucking pity. The poor unhealthy child. Pitiful, pathetic.

Gamzee watched Karkat's silent face and he too shut his big mouth and sat down at a small table that was adjacent to Sollux's bed. He scanned the room, the heart monitor, then finally Sollux, quietly he spoke," is he gonna be ok?"

"The doctors don't know. He's comatose." Karkat responded in a flat tone.

It was so different from how he normally sounded, it threw Gamzee for a loop, yet it just made him feel worse for Karkat. He knew how much Karkat hated sympathy, but still, he offered it, if Karkat took it or spit on it was his choice, not Gamzee's.

There was a knock on the door. Slowly a doctor opened it and walked in. He nodded at Karkat and acknowledged Gamzee. After he considered the people in the room, he took Sollux's vitals, jotting them down on a clip board. Slowly he turned to Karkat with a concerned look," we have the test results." He waited for Karkat to respond, but no words came, only a blank stare, hesitantly the doctor continued," Mr. Captor did not experience a seizure. In fact he had a stroke. Strokes can imitate seizures to a surprising degree. Sight change, headaches and even small convulsions."

Again he waited for Karkat to respond. Nothing. "He experienced a blood clot in his brain. This is VERY rare at his age, in fact we're a little stumped to why this happened." The doctor looked at his clip board for a moment," when he wakes up, if he does within the hour, call me in by pressing that red button. We need to check his motor functions as soon as possible so we can asses the damage."

Karkat nodded slowly at the doctor, glancing at the button, then back to the doctor.

The doctor nodded back and left, shutting the door behind him.

Karkat let out a long sigh and let his head fall against the bed, he mumbled into the sheets," I'm so sorry Sollux...please just wake up...I need to know you're ok..." His voice cracked while he spoke as the tears finally came.

Gamzee stood and quickly approached Karkat, resting comforting hand on his back. He couldn't say that Sollux would be ok. No one knew that. Especially him, so all he could do was offer silent comfort to the crying boy.


	32. Cheerful

thank all of you for reading! this story is far from over.

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><p>"If I only could...make a deal with god, to get him to swap our places..." Karkat said through clenched teeth, holding Sollux's hand tightly in his," just...wake up. I need you. I just...really really need you."<p>

Gamzee didn't say anything, he couldn't say anything. All he did was rub Karkat's back. Giving him the little strand of comfort he could during this time.

For the next few hours, days, doctors came and left, checking vitals, refilling IV's. Karkat hardly left. At some points Gamzee had to take him home to clean himself, but besides those little times, Karkat stayed, gripping his lovers hand, praying to a faceless god he didn't believe in.

Finally, something changed.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Sollux's heart stopped. No reason. No signs of anything dropping it just stopped. Karkat raised his tear-stained face, shock in his eyes, his mouth slightly agape in shock, what else could he do.

Quickly he was pulled away by Gamzee as nurses and doctors came in with the defibrillator machine.

BUNP.

Once.

BUNP.

Twice.

BUNP.

Thrice.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Sollux's eyes flew open gasping and clawing at the tube down his throat. The doctors removed any an all feeding or air devices, spare the IV.

The blonde gasped, panted even, holding his chest, his eyes wide and his heart beat sky rocketing as it came back to life. The nurses and doctors took vitals then finally left the room with a pitying gaze towards Karkat.

Karkat exchanged the look then stood, fists clenched, big tears sitting on the edge of his eyes, staring, glaring at his lover. He made no noise, the only thing he did was slightly shake as he stared through the gloss of the tears. Slowly he blinked, letting the tears roll down his marble cheeks.

Sollux let his hand fall to the bed as his panting subsided. Almost mechanically he turned his head to look at Karkat, he looked tired, though he had slept for days. His eyes pleaded for Karkat, begging him to forgive him.

The exchange went straight over Gamzee's head. All he saw were two people looking at each other.

Though the exchange was so much more. It was as if their souls spoke to each other, both pleading, yet neither of them could move. Finally, Karkat moved first, lunging forward as gently as he could to hug Sollux as tight as he could without hurting him.

"I'm thorry. I'm tho tho thorry." Sollux gasped out.

"Just shut the fuck up." Karkat barked out as he leaned back and kissed Sollux's face.

Gamzee watched the exchange finally realizing what it all meant and all he could think of was Tavros. The sweet look the mohawked teen had given him, the kind look that made Gamzee's heart skip and his head feel light. Quickly he strode out of the hospital, running as fast as he could to Tavros' house.

Rosa jumped a little as Gamzee threw the door open, the bell above the door jingling spastically from its rought treatment.

Rosa opened her mouth to say something, but was to slow as Gamzee ran back into Tavros' room, which he burst into in the same manner he did the book store.

He stood in the doorway for a moment, his chest heaving as he looked at the shocked and very confused Tavros.

"Uuuuh...Gamzee? What the hell?" Tavros asked as he shut the book he was reading.

"Never leave me man...please don't fuckin go...I don't think I could deal with that shit..." Gamzee fell to his knees, practically crawling to Tavros to lay his head in his lap as his panting dissolved into sobbing.

Tavros was dumbfounded, he didn't know what he'd done or what hat happened so all he could do was run his fingers through Gamzee's dreaded and matted hair," what happened?" His face furrowed into worry at the though of what could have happened.

"Sollux...he up and fell into some shitty coma...I don't fuckin know...but man me and Karkat just fuckin sat there for days waiting for that fucker to wake up! Then he fucking had to die on us! The docs fucking shocked him back to life thank fucking god...I just...shit I'm scared...that coulda been you, that coulda been me...fuck I though I learned a lesson from Eridan...no..fuck man, watching someone die quick in front of you is one thing, but fuck watching them die slowly...I don't want to do that with you man..I'm so god damn sorry for what happened to you, I'm so sorry that you're in pain every day, I'm just really sorry..." He sputtered out the last words, his arms wrapping around Tavros' waist as he spoke.

Tavros blinked and stared down at him with sympathy and confusion," I'm...not going anywhere? Gamzee should we go back to the hospital? It sounds like they need more support than that? Cuz like, Aradia should know, her and Sollux are really tight remember?"

Gamzee nodded," can you call her man? On the way to the hospital? I'll push you."

"Ok!" Tavros spun his chair around and grabbed his phone and a couple books," me and Aradia are pretty tight too, she doesn't talk much but she told me she's gotten better after seeing her doctor! She said he might be able to help any of our group. Um...whats his name...uuuh, Doctor Scratch! Yeah!"

"Ok bro well I don't fuckin care about no doctor right now cept for Sollux's" Gamzee stated bluntly as he rolled Tavros out of the shop, giving Tavros only seconds to explain to Rosa where he was going and what he was doing.

As the two rocketed down the street Tavros exchanged calls with Aradia, who agreed to meet them at the hospital. Tavros hung up and looked up at Gamzee," ok she'll meet us there, she sounds like she's in a good mood today too!"

"Good. We'll fuckin need someone with a cheery attitude where we're going." Gamzee mumbled to himself.


	33. Aradia

Reviewed/Revised

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><p>In front of the hospital stood Aradia, her deep mahogany eyes staring up at the clouds as the white fluffy masses lazily drifted across the sky. She casually rocked back and forth on her feet, mindlessly worrying her beautiful red lips between her teeth.<p>

She was a gorgeous girl. Her cocoa skin seemed to glow under the sun. Her wild black hair only added to her beauty. She was one of the most modest in the group though; struggling with body image throughout high school and life.

To her, her voluptuous curves and overall thickness disgusted her. She always felt overweight and often wore black and grey to cover up her own shame.

For years she hid. Hid behind a curtain of her own dark hair, only every once in a while peering out from behind it. Only to quickly pull the curtain in front of her face once more.

Another thing to add to her frustration was that for most of her life she struggled with speaking clearly. She had a thick Jamaican accent that made it almost impossible for some to understand her in her earlier years of her life. In fact she was made fun of for it in school and out.

Her older sister tried to get it out of tried telling her to ignore what other people said. She tried to teach Aradia the Megido sass. It was very unsuccessful. Even Aradia's parents tried to help her, they tried to teach her the pride of both races she had in her. They tried to teach her the honor of the Japanese, and the happiness and durability of Jamaica.

She took to both as oil takes to water.

Recently though she seemed to be gaining a little of each. She spoke more outwardly, she held herself better and she even started wearing color.

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><p>It all started the day she went to see her new therapist, Dr. Scratch. She came home from the appointment and immediately dyed a few red streaks in her hair. She even smiled at herself in the mirror.<p>

She knew she could overcome what held her down for years, so when she stood naked in front of her door length mirror. Looking over herself, at her stretch marks, at her scars, and at her larger exterior in general. She knew she would feel a little tug at her heart that reminded her she hated everything about herself. But the longer she stood there, staring at her moles, freckles, birthmarks and each and every mark on her body, she smiled wider and wider.

Her large, not as perky breasts sat above her large belly, above a diamond stud in her belly button. She only smiled wider, her dimples staring back at her from the mirror.

Her smile would shiver once in awhile as tears ran down her rosy chocolate cheeks. She loved herself. She was unique. Every mole, every scratch, every spot, dimple, stretch mark, hair, and birthmark, made her special. Made her unique.

Every word pounded through her mind, every word that everyone had said. "Fat, ugly, weird, gross…." All of it. Pounded in her ears, but she still stood there, in front of her mirror with a smile.

So now she stood in front of the hospital, a red pair of short shorts sat on her gorgeous thick legs and hips. A white t-shirt with a ram on it sat over her chest and belly. As carefree as she was that day, worry still sat heavy in her heart as she waited for Gamzee and Tavros.


	34. The Gift

hello readers! thank you for your patients with me and with this story. i appreciate it very much. i've been battling some freaky medical stuff so i haven't been able to update this story as much as i've liked.

i will try my best to keep it coming so thank you again everyone! (i also revised the last chapter)

also I have a new tumblr: shrimpkitty

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><p>Rounding the corning like madmen appeared Gamzee and Tavros.<p>

Aradia jumped a little," oh hello guys!" She ran beside them as they hurried into the hospital. Tavros smiled at her. Gamzee was the only one without pleasantries as the traveled to Sollux's room.

The three slowed as they finally crossed the threshold.

Karkat raised his head slowly, opening his swollen eyes. He looked drained. He'd been here a long time and he had no intention of leaving any time soon either. Sollux's hand was gripped tightly in his own," hey." He said in the smallest voice anyone had heard out of a Vantas.

Gamzee pushed Tavros to sit by the chairs, just in case there was another emergency, no one would trip over him and hurt him. The lanky teen slowly walked over to Karkat and sat next to him, also looking similarly exhausted.

Aradia looked over the three mourners then at Sollux. She sighed and put her hand on Sollux's forehead, shutting her eyes.

Karkat immediately looked worried, fear shot through his body and he was unable to protest or speak. He knew what Aradia was doing.

Aradia was known through their group of friends to have some sort of...sight. It was simple things, small things. Like when someone's going to be sick that day, or when someone is going to bump into something. She predicted what happened with Vriska. She told Vriska. Vriska didn't listen.

Aradia had a gift. What she was doing now was unknown, but it had something to do with that gift. There were two rules for it though that Aradia had said when she finally talked about it with everyone.

Don't ask for it.

Don't ask why.

These rules were in place because Aradia couldn't really control when it happened. She'd gotten better though. She still didn't know why though. It was as if spirits were whispering in her ears.

Slowly she removed her hand from Sollux's forehead and looked at Karkat.

The only sound Karkat was able to muster was the smallest of squeaks.

Aradia smiled at him. It was a kind and understanding smile, as if a mother was smiling at a child, saying everything was ok," don't worry." She said, at that she turned and left.

"H, hey!" Tavros reached out and fumbled with his break lock.

Aradia stopped and turned to look at him. Her look was different this time, it was strange, blank, but it stopped Tavros.

He locked his break again and looked at Gamzee.

The blond wasn't looking; arm wrapped around him, eyes on him, concerned and heartfelt.

Tavros felt bad for feeling jealous at a time like this. He also felt really out of place though too. He wasn't very close with neither Karkat nor Sollux. Maybe he was just here for Gamzee's support?

That night was a long one. Tavros didn't know he'd be staying overnight otherwise he would have brought his pain pills. He ground his teeth and squeaked lightly as he shifted in his chair, panting and trying to find anyway that was comfortable; to no avail.

Gamzee looked over at him," you ok bro?"

"I forgot…m, my pain…killers…" Tavros managed to pant out.

Gamzee's eyes widened," shit! Uh up and go back to your book place?"

"I don't know if Rosa…will le, let you in…"

"She's fuckin gotta if I teller bout this!" Gamzee said gesturing at Tavros.

"Ok…try…" Tavros rubbed his forehead, starting to sweat from the pain.


	35. THINK

i know it's been forever. i'm so sorry, thank you for being patient, thank you for reading, you all inspire me to keep writing, thank you.

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><p>Hot breath.<p>

Pounding feet.

He was on a time crunch. Who knew if Sollux would go critical again; he needed to be there, but he needed to be there for Tavros too. This was on him.

Cold sweat ran down Gamzee's pale face as he rushed across town towards the book store. The summer heat crawled up his neck in swirls of angry thralls, threatening to suffocate him. He kept on slamming his worn out shoes against the reeking asphalt, each step closer to his destination.

Cussing under his breath as he faltered, skidded and fell, tumbling to the ground," FUCKING SHIT." Gabbing his knee with both hands, the Juggalo rolled over onto his side as more cuss words spilled out of his lips.

Slowly Gamzee rose to asses the damage: dirty and grit covered, bleeding and scraped, both hands and knee. Could be worse.

He continued to lamely run, his determination pushing him on. May be it was his worry more than his determination?

Finally at his destination he banged on the wood of the glass door," ROSA! GODDAMMIT ROSA!"

Footsteps.

A light.

"Gamzee? What do you need, where is Tavros, do you know what time it is?" Rosa said in a cross tone as she swung the door open and glared at the teen.

Quickly he explained the situation and held out his hand for Tavros' pain medication, not mincing words in the slightest, he didn't have time for this broad.

Rosa's glare only deepened," bring him back here, THIS INSTANT. He has other medications he needs to take! I understand he is at a medical facility, but he needs to be home! You are the only one of the three he actually knows! Imagine how awkward he feels waiting for you. You could have taken this time to have just brought him home instead of rush here to get him his medication! THINK BOY!"

Gamzee's mouth fell open, at a loss for what to say. She was right. He could have...he should have...what mush was his brain...Sollux...Karkat...Tavros...What's happening? Tavros is in a facility with tons of medication!

Gamzee sputtered and looked at the concrete then back up to Rosa," um...I...fuck...I have to go..."

"Here idiot boy." Rosa said coldly as se held out a bottle of pills," for Tavros," I just hope you didn't miss something you'll later regret. THINK." She said in a stern tone before shutting the door with a snap.


End file.
